When You Win
by Brooke1
Summary: *UPDATED - FINAL CHAPTER UP* It's a B/X version of "What Dreams May Come".
1. When You Win 1

Title: When You Win (1/

Title: When You Win (1/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its loosely based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts. And "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

June 7, 2006 

7:00am

"Mmmmm." Buffy groaned as she snuggled closer to Xander in the warmth of their bed. "Good morning." Xander answered huskily as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "No." Buffy said as she lifted her face to his and kissed the underside of Xander's chin. "No?" he as asked with his brow furrowing. "Nope." Buffy smiled pulling herself up to straddle his hips where she slowly grinded against him, causing Xander to inhale sharply. Buffy maintained her smile while she leaned down to capture his mouth and she slowly massaged his tongue with hers. After a few minutes Buffy pulled away from him gently tugging his bottom lip before she moved to his ear and whispered in a thick voice, "Great Morning." "I stand corrected." Xander husked grinning as he leaned up to kiss her again.

__

9:00am

"And now I'm late." Buffy exclaimed rushing around the room gathering her purse while Xander sat on the edge of the bed tying his work boots. "Whose fault is that Mrs. 'Lets have a great Morning'?" Xander asked looking up at his wife smiling. "It wasn't a complaint." She replied over her shoulder as she opened the door to the bedroom and walked down the short hallway to the stairs.

Xander grinned after her as he picked up his wallet and followed Buffy's path. He found her in the kitchen pouring grapefruit juice into the orange juice that was already in her glass.

"We could stay home today." Xander cooed against her ear as he hugged Buffy from behind.

Buffy leaned into his embrace and sighed. She couldn't believe that she could ever love anyone as much as she loved Xander. He was her best friend since she was fifteen and she was 'head-over-heels, blinding, smiling like a school girl, I need you to survive' in love with him. And she took get pride in the fact that Xander felt the same way about her even after dating for three years and being married for one.

"We could," she agreed softly turning in his embrace, "but if we don't go to work, whose going to pay off our shiny new morgage? Spending out first anniversary on the street won't earn you any brownie points." Buffy giggled as Xander kissed the tip of her nose.

Xander loved how she laughed, it gave him butterflies in his stomach. He loved holding her in his arms, and calling Buffy Summers his wife when he spoke of her to people, which was very often. Every time he looked at her his knees went weak and the fact that she felt the same way about him both astounded and elated him. Xander Harris was 25 years old and already living out his dreams. He had a steady job at the construction site, a new home sure it was on the Hellmouth, but it was still home, and most importantly he had Buffy. Xander's life was perfect.

"What if I got us a top of the line cardboard box?" he joked.

"I would live anywhere as long as you where there, you know that," Buffy said kissing him lightly on the lips, "but is that really the environment that you want to raise our child in?" she finished grinning.

"No I guess no…" Xander stopped short, taking in what he had just been told, "Our child?" he mouthed as if out of breath. "Our" he said again, gesturing between himself and Buffy, "Child." Buffy smiled and nodded. "We're…having a…ch…child." Xander stated still in disbelief.

"Yep. In about seven months." Buffy replied, "Are you happy?" she finished uncertainly as Xander just continued to stand there.

Xander closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his grip around Buffy's waist tightening as he pulled her closer to himself. "How could I be anything else?" He asked picking her up in a huge hug. He slowly placed her back on her feet and leaned in to kiss her. Xander poured his soul into that kiss and Buffy returned it with the same fervor. 

"I have to go." Buffy whispered against his lips as she attempted to pull back. She knew what this could lead to and she was already 20 minutes late. Xander didn't respond but slowly moved his lips down Buffy's neck. "Giles…hates it…when I'm late." she tried again albeit unconvincingly. "He'll understand." Xander murmured as he lowered them to the floor. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End 1

   [1]: xandsgirl@yahoo.com



	2. When You Win 2

When You 2

Title: When You Win (2/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

10:55am 

The Magic Box

"Thank you, do come again." Giles smiled as he handed the brown paper bag to the awaiting customer. "Anya! Are you quite done rearranging the talismans? I have to pick up a delivery."

"Don't yell at me." Anya stated walking from between the aisles, "You shouldn't allow people under ten in the store. They're dirty and they mess up the displays." 

"Not that." Giles interjected, "We are understaffed as of yet and I was supposed to pick up The Book of Miazon and the dagger fifteen minutes ago. These items are…" "Imperative to the salvation of the human race, blah, blah, blah." Anya interrupted. "I guess I was mistaken, Buffy is here." Giles scoffed under his breath. "Don't compare me to her." Anya said seriously, "And it's really not my fault that you're running late. Blame…" "Buffy." Giles said as the Slayer ran through the doors. "You're almost two hours late. Where were you?"

Buffy felt a blush creep up the back of her neck, "Sorry. I …overslept…and I…didn't feel to great, so…" "Are you alright Buffy?" Giles asked his anger turning to worry. "Yeah, yeah. I'm great." Buffy smiled, feeling better because she was not exactly lying to her watcher. She had spent the majority of the morning, umm, laying down, and she did have the morning sickness thing happening.

"Indeed." Giles' voice cut through her thoughts, "Now that you're fine, will you kindly make it your goal to not be more than 30 minutes late, after that point I worry."

"Gotcha." Buffy answered as she took her position behind the counter and Giles grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. 

Anya came behind the counter and glanced at Buffy as she began to ring up the next customer's items. While seemingly concentrating on putting the objects in the bag Anya asked nonchalantly "You guys were banging in the morning again, weren't ya?" Buffy blushed bright red while the customer coughed and shifted uncomfortably. "What?" Anya asked as she handed over the bag, "No answer means yes."

"Have a nice day." Buffy quietly told the customer as he turned away from the counter. "No wonder you're chipper," Anya continued, "you're usually a bitch in the morning." Buffy just glared at her.

__

10:07am

Williams Bros. Construction

Xander screeched his truck to a stop and jumped out. He sprinted through the gate while checking his watch. Only 2 hours 10 minutes late. That's not too bad considering… he thought as he grinned recalling the morning's activities.

"Hey! Harris! Where you been?" Xander's friend Travis called to him as he saw him sprint up.

"Man, you would not believe the morning I'm having." Xander said still grinning.

"Judging by that idiotic smile, the fact that you're 2 hours late, and the fact that you have what I'm assuming to be your wife's lipstick on your ear. I think I would believe it." Travis said smiling as they walked towards the cement mixer and Xander wiped his hands over his ears, "but if you want to go into detail…" he trailed off.

"You don't understand dude," Xander commented excitedly, "I'm going to be a father!" he screamed for the first time. "Congratulations man." Travis told him shaking his hand, "but I think they have laws to prohibit guys like you from being parents." he laughed. "Ha Ha. But I'm going to let that one slide cuz I'm going to be a father!!!!!" Xander yelled again.

The majority of Xander's construction team turned to look at him, "…and I'm getting to work now." he quietly said as he picked up his circular saw still smiling.

_5:45pm_

The Magic Box

"Do you understand the incantation?" Giles asked pacing back and forth across the room.

"Yes Giles. For the four millionth time, I got it. I can do this." Willow sighed from her seat at he counter. 

"This spell is of the utmost importance…" "You already said that part." Anya said carrying more books to the counter. 

"Well forgive me for taking the Localv Demon seriously. Their species is only responsible for the deaths of six Slayers, which means that every Slayer that has faced one has died as a result. What was I thinking, suggesting that we research?!" Giles said sarcastically.

"It's not that I don't want to research Giles," Willow started apologetically, "it's just that I've had a long day and the minute I get some relaxing time I get Latin shoved in my face."

"Yeah, Willow's right. We've been looking at these books for hours. So what this thing has killed six Slayers. He's never met ours. I think that Buffy has made it painfully clear that she won't die, Lord knows half the demon world has tried, but she won't go." Anya stated, "We all know what's going to happen: We'll give Buffy the sword, Willow will chant, you and me will sit outside and wait, Xander will worry, the Buffy'll make with the stabbing and we'll all go home to prepare to do it again next week. It's routine."

"Well my apologies for setting a record of victory." Giles smirked, "Go over the spell again Willow." Willow nodded glumly and re-opened her book while Giles continued, "Anya, go in the back and help Buffy train."

Anya opened her mouth to complain, but Giles simply pointed towards the back gym. Anya trudged to the back room muttering under her breath and Giles smiled to himself, This is how things should be run. Good show Rupes.

With that thought the bell above the door began to tinker . "Hey all!" Xander greeted all but skipping down the stairs.

"Hi Xan!" Willow greeted cheerfully, grateful for the distraction, but quickly turned back to her work. "Hello Xander." Giles smiled at him, "What are you up to?"

Willow turned around again to look at her oldest friend, "Yeah Xander, what's the what? You look… nice."

"Thanks Wills." Xander said cocking his eyebrow.

"Not that you look bad a lot," Willow stammered, "it's just that you changed your clothes and showered and everything. Usually when you come here after work you stink. Plus you have flowers." She said worriedly, "It's not your anniversary is it?! I wrote it down as being in two weeks." Willow hastily started searching through her day planner.

"Calm down Willow. This is just cuz I'm a great husband." Xander smirked.

He decided that was the most suitable answer because he was unsure if Buffy had told the gang yet and didn't want to ruin the surprise if she hadn't. "So… where is my Buffster?" Xander asked looking around the store.

"She's… umm… training in the back with Anya." Giles said while he thumbed through a text.

"What?!" Xander yelled and moved towards the gym area.

"What is it Xander?" Giles asked concerned as he looked at the young man.

"Oh… it's just… she said that I was her sparring partner. She started without me." Xander laughed nervously trying to cover up his outburst.

"Xander you know very well that you are not allowed to train with Buffy." Giles reprimanded.

"C'mon G-man. That only happened once." He tried to defend himself while Giles raised his eyebrows, "Alright, during business hours. But that was forever ago."

"That was last week." Giles corrected, "and I'm still trying to forget."

Xander blushed and sat next to Willow, "Whatcha reading?" he asked trying to change the subject.

"The Book of Miazon." Willow answered, "for the nine millionth time."

"I just wan the spell done perfectly to avoid incidence." Giles re stated.

"I know. I know. I'm reading." Willow said solemnly.

"I just found out about it. It's for tomorrow nights prophecy." Giles explained further, "The demon that Buffy is to face is extremely viscous."

"It's killed six Slayers." Willow threw in off-handedly, but when she heard Xander draw in a shaky breath she continued, "but Buffy can handle it. She's, like, the best Slayer in history." She said smiling.

"Yeah." Xander said quietly, "She's not going tomorrow."

"What?" Giles asked in disbelief. While Willow just starred at him.

"Buffy. She's not going to fight this demon."

"She's the Slayer, it's her duty." Giles said.

"I don't care. We'll do it. We'll fight it." Xander said almost pleading.

"That's not the prophecy," Giles explained, "if we try, we'll all die. Only Buffy can do this Xander. She needs our faith I her abilities as Slayer."

"She could die!" Xander yelled, "She's not going."

"Xan, you know this is Buffy's job, and we'll all be there. It'll be fine, you'll see." Willow said softly trying the reassure him.

Xander just pushed himself up from his seat walked towards the gym door and pushed it open, ending his argument with Willow and Giles.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 2

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	3. When You Win 3

5:45

Title: When You Win (3/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts. And "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

The Magic Box

Before Xander walked through the gym door he plastered on a fake smile in hopes of disguising the anguish he was feeling at his conversation with Giles and Willow. Taking a deep breath he opened the door and took in the scene before him.

He saw Buffy was in typical Slayer fashion, fighting in a tank top and warm up pants with her hair tied up under a scarf. While Anya, on the other hand, was dressed from head-to-toe in bright blue sparring pads as she backed into a corner as a result of Buffy's attacks.

Buffy launched into a series of spin kicks and punches, and Xander couldn't help but laugh as Anya dropped to the ground covering her head begging Buffy to stop. Even though as far as Xander could tell all of Buffy's attacks stopped short of actually making contact.

Xander chuckled as he watched his wife laugh gently and extend her hand to the ex-demon, easily pulling the other woman to her feet, "See." Buffy started, "I told you. That combo always works."

"Aren't you glad I finally broke down and taught it to you?" Xander asked jokingly, knowing very well that he had never moved that fast in his life, "And Giles said I'm not fit to spar." He whispered in her ear when Buffy came up to hug him.

"Awww. Poor baby. Maybe if you weren't such a bad influence on me and you allowed me to complete my training in full he would let you help again." Buffy smirked repeating Giles' exact words to Xander. "If you ever talk like Giles again I might have to leave you." Xander said back in mock seriousness with a fake shiver. 

"I'm still standing here so if you guys are going to go at it give me some advanced warning." Anya interrupted. Xander rolled his eyes at her and said, "We're not going to 'go at it', Giles would ban me from the store, and plus I can't be sure you wouldn't watch." Anya mimicked him while Buffy added, "Yeah, we can wait till you leave the room." "Whatever." Anya retorted as she waddled out of the room.

"Soooo…where were we?" Buffy asked pulling Xander's face down to hers while licking her lips.

"Flowers!" Xander answered excitedly, hoping to derail the train of thoughts that they were both obviously having.

"Flowers?" Buffy asked confused at his outburst.

"Yeah. I got you flowers and I got dressed up. So we could celebrate." Xander finished in a whisper, "We're going to dinner after the meeting, you know, to celebrate for the baby."

"Damn, I forgot about that." Buffy said jokingly, smacking her hand against her forehead.

"Well, I don't know. You might've seeing as how your training and all."

"I'm the Slayer. My Watcher says train, I train."

Xander made a face of mocking disbelief, "What happened to the defiant lazy Buffy I fell in love with. She wouldn't take no guff from a Watcher."

"Guff?" Buffy asked, "I don't take guff." She pouted.

Xander knew that they could fight about this all night, and he would always end up apologizing to her, so he decided to end it now. He smiled and presented Buffy with a bouquet of white roses. She took them from him and grinned, "My favorite." "I know. You…" Xander was interrupted by Buffy attacking his mouth with hers.

Xander let his more rational side make him pull back slowly, well that along with the image of Giles yelling at him again. "Let's get this meeting over with," Xander breathed, "I have other priorities for tonight." He finished giving Buffy a light peck on the lips, before taking her hand and leading her out to the store.

"Excellent." Giles deadpanned upon seeing the couple enter the room, "Now that they have had their 'smoochies' we can concentrate on saving the world."

"Do ever think you're too sarcastic?" Buffy asked starring at the Watcher.

Giles ignored her question and continued with his line of thought, "Buffy, tomorrow nights fight will…"

"Not be happening." Xander interrupted looking deadly serious as he took a seat and pulled Buffy down on his lap. "Xander, I have…" Buffy started to explain only to be cut off by Giles.

"It must! Xander it is written and it will happen." Giles stated firmly, "I don't understand your objections, you know Buffy is the Slayer and that she runs the risk of certain occupational hazards…"

"Like death." Anya chimed in earning a glare from Xander, "What? She knows it." she said defensively pointing at Buffy, who merely looked down at the table.

"As I was saying," Giles continues sharply, "Xander, you know what this entails, and you have since you were a boy. We all will do everything in our power to ensure you're safety Buffy, but you must go. There is no other way." Giles finished talking to the both of them because he was well aware of the sway Xander had over Buffy and he needed to be sure that she knew that there was no way to avoid the battle.

Buffy, on the other hand, had barely even heard what Giles had been saying. She had, instead, focuses on Xander. During the course of the speech Xander's hand had come to rest of her stomach where he was now tracing light circles with his index finger. The look on her husband's face almost made Buffy's heart break, Xander was starring at the opposite wall, not focusing on anything, and Buffy could see the tears that he was trying desperately to hold back. She wanted nothing more then to get this over with so that she could get Xander out of that room. "What time?" Buffy asked in a low trembling voice.

She noticed Xander look at her in shock as Giles answered, "We should be at our location at 9:00 PM promptly, we should meet here at around 5:30." Giles looked around the group, "Shall we synchronize watches?" he asked pleased at the Slayer's cooperation.

"Buffy," Xander pleaded, "Don't do this. Please."

"Giles is right, I have to. It's my duty." Buffy answered grimly

They were ignoring everybody else in the room, they knew that, and they didn't care.

"What… What if…" Xander couldn't bring himself to say the words, but Buffy understood. "I won't. You promised we'd grow old together, I'm not going to let you skip out on that." she laughed gently.

Even though Xander felt the tears growing in his eyes he chuckled, "And you think I'm gonna let you gyp me out of an eternity. Ha!" Xander laughed even though he felt like breaking down. He kissed he gently, his hand still resting on her belly. The rest of the group just looked on confused while Buffy started talking again, "Hurry up Giles. We have reservations."

"Right then." Giles nodded, "Everybody set?"

At Xander's nod Buffy hopped out of his lap and grabbed his hand pulling him from his seat, and out of the door, not saying a word to the other occupants of the room.

"Read the spell again Willow." Giles said as he went to prepare some tea.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End 3

**

**

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	4. When You Win 4

Title: When You Win (4/

Title: When You Win (4/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

Buffy and Xander's House

8:10am

The sun was shining brightly through the light gauzy curtains of their bedroom. Xander had awake for almost two hours, and watched the room gradually light up. Buffy was usually the first to waken, probably because of the heightened Slayer abilities he figured, but this morning she was sound asleep while he was up trying his best not to think about what was going to happen tonight.

Xander smiled when he heard Buffy sigh against him and he pulled her sleeping form closer to him, impossible though it may seem because they were already entwined in each other. He felt the light puffs of Buffy's breath on his upper chest and he closed his eyes reveling in the feeling of laying there with her. They belonged to each other. And they would forever.

Xander, while still obviously very nervous about the impending battle, had tried to keep the mood light last night. After they had left The Magic Box, she wasn't the Buffy the Vampire Slayer to him, she was Buffy Summers-Harris. She didn't even seem to be thinking about anything that the Hellmouth had to offer. She was happy, the type of happy that Xander strived to make her everyday. The type of happy that normal, newlywed, expectant mothers had everyday, without the worries of apocalypses, demons, and other creatures form Hell.

That's where Xander saw himself getting into trouble. He wanted Buffy to have a normal life so bad that he allowed himself to believe that it had happened. Despite that training, the patrols, and the constant study of demonology, when he looked at Buffy he saw his wife. And now when he looked at her he saw their child. That's why he flipped last night. If he lost her now he'd be loosing so much more than his wife and his friend, and that was something Xander knew he could never live with. He knew that Buffy was the Slayer, even if he didn't want to admit it, but last night he was forced to accept what she was and what her job entailed. The fact that Xander couldn't change that just about tore his heart out, like he had failed her somehow.

Xander had told Buffy all of this last night, he was never able to keep secrets from he for too long. And Buffy, like always, had listened and comforted him. She even asked him "If I'm not worried, why should you be?". Xander believed that she wasn't worried when she said that, he could tell by the look she had in her eyes. He could read her soul through her eyes, and when he looked in them he saw fierce determination and confidence, not fear.

That fact comforted him greatly. Sure, he was still worried, maybe still even frightened, but he had confidence in Buffy. She was the strongest person he had ever met, and Xander believed that she could do anything and he would be by her side the whole time.

Xander inhaled the scent of Buffy's hair as she lay still asleep while he glanced at the clock on her night table. 8:30 Xander wasn't going to wake her up. He figured they could stay home today, a plan he was going to run by Buffy once she woke up, of course. 

I could make us breakfast in bed he thought but then realized that would mean letting Buffy go and he wasn't ready to do that yet, or I could just stay here. Xander shut his eyes again, but once he felt Buffy stretch in his arms, he was wide-awake again. He stared down at her with a slight smile knowing that she was about to wake up. This was one of the reasons that Xander liked waking up first, why he loved watching Buffy sleep. Xander watched as Buffy scrunched her nose and licked her lips, as she always did before her eyes opened, and today was no exception.

Xander leaned in to kiss Buffy gently as her eyes fluttered open. "Hi there." He cooed softly when he pulled away. Buffy simply smiled and rubbed her eyes sleepily in response. "Sleep good?" Xander asked smiling back, still holding her, to which Buffy nodded in affirmative. As Buffy eyes closed Xander leaned in to kiss her again, "This is nice." she murmured against his lips, "we should wake up like this every morning."

"That can be arranged." Xander answered softly as his fingers traced lightly down her bare back causing Buffy to shiver slightly. He was about to continue when Buffy suddenly pulled herself from his arms and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Xander, who was unsure of just what exactly to do, put on some pajama pants and got out some boxers and a old one of his t-shirts for Buffy before he went to the bathroom door. He reached out his hand to turn the knob, but decided against it and took a seat on the floor, resting his back against the wall. "Are you alright Buff?" he asked after a few minutes of hearing nothing but running water. "Mmm Hmm." Came her muffled reply through the door. "Do you want clothes?" Xander ventured. In response to that the door opened a crack and Xander put the clothes in the awaiting hand before the door closed again.

Xander sat on the floor for fifteen more minutes before the door opened again and Buffy came out and looked down at him. "So this is your horrible case of food poisoning?" Xander asked remembering the excuse Buffy had given him the first time he had caught her rushing to the bathroom. "Sorry." Buffy whispered. Xander took in her tone and immediately jumped up to pull her into a hug, "You never have to apologize to me." He told her and then led her back to bed.

"We should stay home today," Xander said as they resumed their snuggled positions, "you know, to prepare for tonight and all."

"I'm not complaining." Buffy replied.

"Really. Weren't you the one who said we'd be living in a box yesterday?"

"No. You said we'd be living in a box. I said the street. Plus, I didn't have a huge battle to psych myself up for yesterday. Today resting is more… appropriate." Buffy retorted.

"Good. I'm glad you agree. I don't want you working all day and then having to fight while your tired. That'll put you at a disadvantage th…"

"The snuggling is much more fun without the PJs." Buffy interrupted, changing the subject. She didn't want to talk about tonight, and what could happen. She just wanted to have 12 hours of normalcy.

Realizing that Buffy didn't want to discuss the prophecy Xander complied with the new topic, "I'll see what I can do about that after I call the site," he smiled, "You wanna call Giles, let him know that you're playing hookie?" Xander asked while rolling over and reaching for the cordless phone on his night table.

"He's gonna be peeved." Buffy laughed as Xander told to face her, "That'll teach him to take away my sparring partner." She continued taking the phone form his hand and dialing the number.

~~

"Hello."

"Wills?"

"Hi Buffy. How are you? Is everything ok? Nothing happened did it? Is Xander alright? Are you alright? Willow rattled off nervously.

"Yeah Wills, we're fine. Remember that talk we had about breathing" Buffy giggled.

Willow heard Xander laughing in the background and immediately relaxed.

"What's with that greeting?" Buffy asked, "Giles has this whole speech that we're supposed to say when we answer the phone at the shop."

"Well… I don't work here. If he wants something said he should get someone who works here to answer the phones."

"Way to assert yourself Wills." Buffy congratulated.

"Yeah. That and he never told me what I'm supposed to say." Willow admitted.

"And the truth comes out," Buffy laughed, "Is Giles there?"

"Sure. Hold please…(muffled) GILES!!!!" 

Buffy heard Giles reprimand Willow for yelling before picking up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey G-man"

"Buffy? I've asked you and Xander both time and time again…"

"Uh huh, uh huh, Giles…Giles… Stop talking Giles." 

"I make one simple request…"Giles continued.

"I not coming to work today." Buffy sang interrupting him again.

"Beg your pardon?"

" I thought that would get your attention." Buffy laughed.

"Yes well. We were going to review the details of tonight…"

"I think that it'd be best if I rested up for tonight… at home and all."

"Yes quite. I do want you to perform at top quality…" Giles agreed.

"Great. I'll se you then." Buffy said gratefully before he could change his mind.

"Alright. Just stop by at 6:30 for a briefing."

"Thanks Giles."

"And Buffy. I don't think you should worry. Tell Xander the same."

"We'll be fine Giles. Bye."

"Bye Buffy."

~~

Buffy clicked off the phone and handed it to Xander, "Your turn." She said smiling sweetly. Buffy listened for ten minutes as Xander tried to explain to his boss, Noah, why he wouldn't be at work today, while he faked a few dry coughs for good measure.

After he hung up the phone Xander laid back down and closed his eyes, "I got off with 4 hours overtime without pay. And apparently I'm lucky to eve have a job for being late yesterday and bailing today." he explained.

"I think your very lucky Daddy." Buffy cooed as she, once again snuggled against him. "Oh yeah," Xander answered, "And I don't regret one minute that led to my tardiness yesterday. I was very lucky." He said wiggling his eyebrows.

"And we have all day today." Buffy breathed against his cheek, making Xander shudder as he turned and latched onto Buffy's mouth. "I love you so much." Buffy moaned as she felt his push at the waistband of her shorts while moving his kisses down her neck. Xander then turned his head to look into Buffy's eyes, "I love you." He whispered back, and in response Buffy jumped from the bed and rushed to the bathroom again.

Xander moved to his seat by the door again while muttering, "Well I'm glad that I've found one girl who isn't… blahing because of me"

"If you think about it, I kinda am." Buffy answered back through the door a few minutes later.

"Oh." Xander sighed to himself. "Well it's good that my track record stands."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 4

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	5. When You Win 5

Title: When You Win (5/

Title: When You Win (5/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

__

Buffy and Xander's House

11:30am

"So we're just going to watch talk shows all day?" Xander asked as he sat down on the couch next to Buffy and handed her a glass of her favorite orange-grapefruit juice mixture. "Yep." she smiled simply taking the glass from him. "But what about the fun filled day of naked snuggling?" Xander asked suggestively as he scooted closer to his wife. "Could we settle for clothed snuggling, I still feel a little 'blah-y', as you put it." Buffy replied leaning so that her head rested on his shoulder. Xander sighed softly and kissed the top of her head while he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, "I can live with that." he murmured while Buffy started to channel surf.

__

The Magic Box

6:45pm

Giles was rushing around the store retrieving various items and laying them out on the counter. Willow watched the Watcher skeptically while he bustled about the room muttering lists of things he needed for the battle tonight.

"Riven Dust!" Giles exclaimed, causing Willow to jump, as he rushed to the back. "Calm down." Willow pleaded as the man came back from the storeroom. 

"I am calm!" Giles shouted, "This powder is necessary for the binding of the demon's sprit, without it, your spell won't work and Buffy will not be able to slay it. Speaking of which, I remember quite vividly telling Buffy to be here at 6:30." He finished with his face flushed.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon. She's probably on her way," Willow said trying to lower the Watchers blood pressure. "Yeah Giles," Anya affirmed, taking a seat next to Willow, "they probably just lost track of time during the pre-battle sexcapades."

Giles and Willow turned to glare at Anya, who continued, "You both know that's what they're doing."

"That's what who's doing?" Xander asked as he entered the store behind Buffy.

"You guys. Having sex before the fight." Anya stated with a shrug. Xander chuckled nervously while Buffy blushed lightly at the statement. "See I told you!" Anya exclaimed turning triumphantly towards Giles, but her smile quickly faded under the Watcher's glare.

"Yes quite," Giles snapped, "Well thank you both for making time in your day to show up and save the world. Now if you're quite ready, Buffy, please go in the back and complete your warm up exercises."

Giles rarely yelled at anyone in the group, especially Buffy, so when he did everybody was taken by surprise. Buffy glanced at Xander when she felt him about to respond. She gently grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly. Xander almost immediately relaxed as he returned the squeeze.

Buffy released him and Xander watched as she walked into the gym area. He then moved to the counter and sat on the last available stool, " For someone who's so confident about their 'record of victory' you sure are wigged." Xander noted earning Giles' glare.

"Yes well, this demon is a very formative opponent and it worries me a great deal that you all refuse to take this seriously." Giles answered.

"Take it seriously?! Take it seriously?!" Xander asked yelling, "Of course we take it seriously, just like every other demon Buffy fights, Giles. We ALL know that Buffy could die if we do anything but take it seriously." Xander finished shocked that he had completed that last sentence in the matter that he did. He had always made it a point to never outwardly admit to the death aspect of Buffy's job.

Xander stood up on shaky legs and walked to the door of the back gym, "Just don't forget that this is hardest for her." He said quietly to himself as well as the occupants of the room, "I'm gonna go help with the warm up."

"What's their deal?" Anya asked as the gym door shut behind him.

_____

"I'm surprised they let you back here." Buffy noted when she saw Xander enter the room while she continued to punch the large bag that was hanging from the ceiling.

"As you well know I can be very convincing, even Giles will eventually bend to my whim." Xander answered with a grin.

Buffy finished with the bag with a sliding back kick before she started stretching, "I hope that your convincing tactics were different from the ones you use on me." She smirked.

"Ha Ha. Mocking my sexuality will only land you in my bad books." Xander retorted with a smile as he hoisted himself onto the pummel horse.

"Well, if I'm in your bad books," Buffy said with a mock frown as she sat on the floor and bent to grab her right foot, "then we get to go through the process of getting me back in your good ones. And I must admit, I'm a fan of the process." She finished grinning deviously while she reached to her other side to grab her left foot.

Xander swallowed deeply and shifted in his seat on the pummel horse, "If you recall, it was this line on conversation and that stretch that got me banned from the gym area in the first place." He said quietly.

"Your lack of self control has nothing to do with me." Buffy smiled.

"It has everything to do with you." Xander said back.

Buffy grinned at him and giggled, "You're a tease, you know that."

Xander nodded, "Luckily for you, you're one hamstring stretch away from bedding me." He joked.

"Really?" Buffy asked as she folded her legs under her body as laid back.

"Mmmhmm." Xander choked out while he watched her every move.

"Good," Buffy said sitting up and glancing at Xander, "I love getting action after a fight."

At the mention or the fight Buffy noticed Xander's eyes turn away from her and focus on the opposite wall. "What is it sweetie?" she asked worriedly as she got up and walked over to where Xander sat. When she was close enough Buffy reached out with both hands to cup Xander's face and redirect his line of vision to her. "What is it?" Buffy asked again as Xander's eyes remained downcast.

Xander slowly brought his right hand up to rest against Buffy's on the side of his face before he moved it down at the same pace to lightly brush against her belly.

Buffy didn't see tears in his eyes, but she heard him choke down a sob while Xander brought both hands behind her waist and pulled her until she was standing between his legs, "I don't want you to do this." Xander whispered still looking down. 

"I don't want YOU to worry." Buffy answered back while she bent her neck to try to catch Xander's eye. She succeeded and he looked up at her. Buffy felt his gaze piercing into her soul and reading her thoughts as Xander's eyes searched hers, "You could get hurt, or the baby…" he said quietly, "Please Buffy. If you have to walk away from a fight, let it be this one. There's a back door in here, we can sneak out."

"And what? Go see a movie while the demon ransacks the town?" Buffy asked a little coldly.

"No." Xander tried, still pleading, "We could go to… to LA, or San Diego, or Bermuda. Anywhere. Please."

Buffy had to smile at his efforts as she asked, "And what about next month? Or the one after that? What happens next year when I have to fight a battle that will decide weather or not the world gets cast into Hell? What then? We go to Aruba?

"Or Greece." Xander offered still trying to convince her.

"Xander, I don't want to fight tonight either. I wish to God that I weren't the Slayer night after night, but every morning, no matter if I want to believe or not, I wake up the Slayer. That's who I am. I am the Vampire Slayer. This is my job, and as sucky as it is, it's what I was put on this earth to do, and no matter how bad I want to run away from it I can't…" Buffy told him, but Xander interrupted, "We can drive! We don't have to run, we have a car and we could…" Xander stopped when Buffy brought her hand up to cover his mouth. "It would have to be one hell of a fight to take me away from you, and frankly I don't think this demon's prepared to bring it." she assured.

Xander again looked in her eyes needing to find the assurance behind her words, but he didn't see it. The confidence he saw last night and all through that day was wavering and that thought shook him to the core.

Xander grabbed Buffy and pulled her into a tight hug and she could feel his tears of the bare skin of her shoulder as she put her arms around the back of his neck and held him to her. "Do you think you'll win?" Xander murmured as he pulled his head back again, this time avoiding her eyes.

"I always win." Buffy answered back, "WE always win."

We do, don't we." Xander stated with a strangled laugh, "And I hear this demon fights like a girl." He added earning a glare from Buffy, "or like me." he threw in while Buffy laughed.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 5

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	6. When You Win 6

Title: When You Win (6/

Title: When You Win (6/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

The Magic Box

"I'm not reading the spell again!" Willow yelled as she shoved the book into her bag. "And sorry for yelling." she apologized when she saw Giles' startled look.

"I must admit the way Buffy and Xander are behaving has been a little unnerving. I don't want anything to go wrong." Giles explained.

"They're spazes. What do you want from them?" Anya asked glancing up from her magazine.

"That's true." Willow agreed. "And Giles, you have to relax, you're going to have a stroke before we even get to…where are we going again?"

"Um… I believe the location is now known as Burton's Caverns."

"Really! I love the caverns! We went there on a field trip in 7th grade. Xander and I got separated from the group when we went searching for Dracula…" Willow trailed off as she noticed Giles' and Anyas' stares, "…because of the bats. I thought it was a cool story." she finished dejectedly.

"That really explains a lot about you." Anya commented while turning back to her magazine.

Willow, made a face and mimicked the ex-demon when she turned away before turning herself to face Giles, "So, are we all set?"

"Yes, I believe we are," Giles answered, "Oh, wait!" he exclaimed running into the storeroom. When he returned he was carrying what looked to Willow to be a rolled up velvet cloth, "Now we're ready."

Willow looked at the cloth and then at Giles, "Tooooo make the demon a pair of cush pants?" she asked. 

Giles looked at her confused before he caught on, "No, no. This is the dagger." he said removing it from the cloth, "This is the only weapon ever forged with the capability to pierce the Localv's skin. It's the only way Buffy can kill it. If we forgot this…" 

"We'd be screwed?" Willow asked. 

"Yes very screwed."

"It looks pretty plain." Anya stated, "Shouldn't it be glowing, or buzzing, or something flashy?"

"It's not a novelty item." Giles scoffed while recovering the dagger.

Anya simply rolled her eyes and asked, "I'm going to go get the car. Are we almost ready? I want to get this over with, I have a date tonight."

It was now Giles' turn to roll his eyes as he walked to the door of the back gym to get his Slayer and her husband. Giles was about to just open the door when he got a painful flashback of what he walked in on last week, and decided to knock instead, "Bloody children." he muttered as he waited a few minutes before opening the door. "Buffy? Xander?" he called tentatively through the crack in the door.

"Jeez Giles." He heard Buffy laugh, "Give us more credit than that."

"I will not." Giles answered still standing behind the door. "I'm opening the door now," he warned, before squeezing his eyes shut and pushing it open.

When he opened his eyes again he saw Buffy and Xander standing in front of him smirking, "We're ready for the meeting." he stammered while stepping to the side to let the couples pass.

As Xander walked pass he said in a low voice, "Good thing you waited before you came in, I couldn't find my pants."

Giles just glared at him as Xander's smile died, "I was just joking G-man."

"Ha bloody ha." Giles responded as he followed them out.

As soon as Xander stepped out of the gym Willow knew that her best friend had been crying. She saw that his usual chocolate brown mirthful eyes and lopsided grin held an obvious pain behind them. She didn't say anything as Xander smiled at her and took the seat beside her.

"Hey Wills." Xander greeted solemnly. "Hey Xan." Willow answered back with her usual chipper grin.

Willow watched Xander watch Buffy while Giles explained the dagger and the spell to her at the counter before turning to face him, "What's up?"

"Oh, uh. Nothing." he answered lamely, not tuning to look her in the eyes.

"Xander." Willow said putting on her resolve face, "I know when something's wrong with you. I know when you've been crying."

"Oh yeah. I forgot who I was talking to." Xander replied sheepishly.

"Sooooo…" Willow prodded at his silence.

Xander turned to look at her and contemplated what to tell her. He had it on his mind to tell her that Buffy was pregnant and that he, of all people, was going to be a father. At least that would give him some more back up in his petition to get Buffy to sit this battle out. But he was sure that Buffy would be upset with him for spilling the news to Willow without her, and he didn't like being on the business end of his wife's wraith. 

So Xander went with a different aspect of his problems with tonight's goings on, "I don't have a good feeling about this." He said quietly so that only Willow could hear him.

"About telling me what's wrong? Look Xander, I know that you have Buffy now, but we're still…"

"No. I know I can tell you anything." Xander assured, "But about tonight. I have this…weird, bad feeling. Like we're not ready for what we're walking into."

"Xander," Willow said softly, resting her hand on his shoulder, "we are ready. Buffy's the strongest Slayer that's ever been called. She's faced apocalypses, thousands of demons and vampires, including the Master; she's even beat demonic robots. Not to mention that she puts up with you daily." Willow said earning an honest chuckle from Xander.

"I have faith in her." Xander said turning to look at Buffy again, only to find that she had been watching him. Buffy smiled at him almost shyly before turning away to focus on the dagger again.

"Well, if it's the spell I'm going to…" Willow started defensively. 

"It's not." Xander interrupted, "I know you've got it memorized."

"Then what is it?" Willow asked more forcefully. "Anya and Giles are on door patrol. Nothing's getting in or out of that cave. Plus they've got these cool new fire packs so if anything tries anything sneaky it's crispy critters time. And you'll be in the cave for back up support if Buffy needs it. Did Giles show you the arsenal you get?"

"Arsenal?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Well… it's really a stake, a sword, and an old Initiative tazer gun, but it's still very Grrrr." Willow admitted.

"Oh yeah. I'm bad ass." Xander commented while his spirits dropped again, "And all Buffy gets is an old spear thing."

Willow looked at him with sad eyes, she could see what this was doing to him. "That's all she needs. That, and the spell. And she'll have us. It'll be like high school, you, me, and Buffy facing down the forces of darkness, dispelling evil, and making the world a safer place for mankind."

Xander raised his eyebrows at his friend, "You put a scary amount of thought into that argument."

"Well your mocking me, so I'm going to guess that you feel a little better."

"I won't let anything happen to her." Xander stated.

"You never have." Willow responded quietly as Xander pulled her into a hug. "Thanks Wills." He whispered in her ear.

The tinkering of the bell over the door caused all the occupants in the room to look up as Anya walked in, "I got the car. The biggest VSW they had to offer."

"SUV?" Buffy asked.

"Whatever. It's here. So…let's make with the moving."

"Give me a minute." Buffy asked as she picked up the phone off the counter and walked towards the storeroom, "I gotta call Mom. Pre-fight ritual." She explained.

Xander watched her leave the room and shut the door behind her. He knew the truth behind those calls; he knew that the only time Buffy called her Mom before a fight was when she was worried about it. Xander had listened to those calls before and Buffy's tone had frightened him to the core. She never mentioned where she was going, she always said she was just calling to "check in". Xander hated those calls for the simple reason that he knew the meaning behind them, they were made to say good-bye just in case… But this time, this time, he had called Joyce first, and that terrified him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 6

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	7. When You Win 7

Title: When You Win (7/

Title: When You Win (7/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Did you talk to her?" Xander asked ten minutes later when Buffy came out of the storeroom.

"Uh, yeah. I talked to Mom and Dawn. They're coming over for dinner tomorrow." Buffy answered, "I just thought I'd give you advanced warning so that you can think about what you're going to cook."

"You're lucky that I like it when you take advantage of me." Xander smiled while Buffy tied her hair back.

"Where is everybody?" she asked, only now noticing the empty room.

"Waiting in the car." Xander told her, "They all know how long winded you can be and waiting here was making everyone antsy."

Buffy pouted at his statement. "But I, being the perfect male specimen that I am, valiantly stood up for your motor mouthyness." Xander attempted to recover while striking a Superman pose.

"And you have the ability to make up idiotic words in a single bound. Impressive." Buffy mocked with a smirk.

"You wound me." Xander exclaimed grabbing his chest and stumbling back onto the table in the middle of the room with his eyes closed.

When he opened them again he saw Buffy standing above him staring with raised eyebrows, "You know what else is impressive?" she asked while leaning down to kiss him on the forehead.

Xander squinted his eyes and tilted his head, "From where I lay, I'm going to say that tank top."

"No, you perv." Buffy laughed while adjusting her top before moving to pull Xander to a standing position. Xander groaned slightly, but complied and stood up. Once he was on his feet Buffy immediately pulled him into a tight hug, "The fact that you called my Mom before me."

Xander was about to respond before the sound of a car horn blaring broke through the store, followed by Anya's muffled voice. "Our loud and obnoxious chariot awaits." Xander stated with a sigh as he picked up his and Buffy's bag of weapons.

Almost immediately Buffy heard the dull clang of cloth encased metal on the floor and she turned around to see Xander dragging the bag towards her, "Look Hun, one hand." He grimaced as he took a small step.

"Ease up there Herc." Buffy smiled at him lightly as she took the bag from him with one hand and lifted it easily onto her shoulder.

"God I love that about you." Xander breathed as he followed Buffy out of the door.

--------------------*--------------------

The light mood form the store was abandoned immediately when Xander got into the car. He hated that whole drive. Xander remembered being in the 7th grade and loving the bus ride to the Caverns, but now…

The times that Xander didn't have his eyes closed he spent looking around the car at his friends. They had had idle chit chat for much of the forty five minutes that they had been in the car, but for the most part he had remained silent, which was very uncharacteristic of him. Even Buffy had kept her responses to simple one-word answers.

Xander turned his gaze to Giles, who was focused on the road and humming a Jimmy Buffet song that he actually had on CD. Willow was reading a huge psychology book by a book light Why would anyone read a book that thick for no apparent reason is beyond me. I thought she was a 3rd grade teacher. he though as he watched her. Then he turned to Anya, who was holding a flashlight in her mouth while she wrote in a record book, apparently adding up the receipts of the day's sales at The Magic Box.

Xander laughed to himself after taking in the whole group, thinking about how they each had their own lives now, but were still tied together by the fact that Buffy was the Slayer and they would never abandon her.

Buffy. Xander turned to her next, which didn't take a lot of work because she was snuggled as close to him as their current location would allow. He had one arm over her shoulder while his other arm was wrapped around her front so that she was locked in a hug.

Xander leaned against her so that his cheek was resting against her head and he felt Buffy's grip on the back of his shirt tighten.

He knew that she wasn't asleep even though her eyes were closed.

"We'll be there in about five minutes." Giles aid as he turned the car onto a bumpy back road that Xander didn't recognize even though he could tell that they were now in the woods.

Xander felt Buffy's grip on him tighten again as the car moved at a slow creep through the darkness.

A few minutes later the car lurched to a stop, "Here we are." He said looking at the darkened mouth of the cave through the windshield and ten opening his door.

Willow ventured a glance to the back seat where Anya was exiting the car and Xander sat looking straight ahead while holding a sleeping Buffy. Willow reached out her hand to rest it on Xander's knee. The contact seemed to wake him out of his daze, "It'll be okay." She whispered.

"I know." Xander said back softly with a smile. But as soon as Willow turned to open her door the smile died.

"Is it too late to drive away?" Buffy whispered with almost bitter laughter as she heard Willow's door close.

Buffy still had her face buried in the space between Xander's neck and chest, and was still holding onto him as if her life depended on it.

"If you would have listened in the first place we could've been at the airport now, but noooooo, you want to wait till…"

"I love you." Buffy whispered interrupting him.

"I love you." Xander told her back as the back window opened and Giles' voice tore through their quiet world, "We found our entrance, but we must hurry we only have forty five minutes to set up."

Xander closed his eyes and felt Buffy kiss his cheek before opening her door and getting out of the car, "So, we have to summon this demon, or is it just going to show up?" Buffy asked while unloading the weapons.

Xander got out of the car and silently picked up some bags while Giles answered, "He's already there." The group stopped and looked at him, "The Localv demon maintains a very strict sleeping schedule, as it were, and depending on their location in the world the time of day that it awakens varies. But, ah, every documented case has the translated the time to be 9:00 to a tee. It's quite remarkable really."

"Yeah Giles, and it's not at all disheartening that it took six girls lives to pinpoint the exact time that the monster wakes up." Willow said off handedly.

"We also gained the knowledge of how to exterminate them." Giles said putting on his flame-thrower.

"How's that?" Xander asked trying out his sword, "If they've… If every Slayer that has ever faced one… Who killed one?"

"From the best I can gather, it was a process of trail ad error that led to one of the Watchers of an expired Slayer emerging victorious." Giles explained.

"Why can't we just kill it while its sleep again?" Buffy asked tucking the dagger into a shief on her hip.

"It's protected," Anya answered, "When it sleeps it generates a force field, even if you could get through it, which you can't until it wakes up and is disarmed, you would only be able to kill the body…"

"Yeah, the spell binds its spirit to the body. Without it the sprit is all grrrrr, and it's really hard to kill then." Willow added.

"So here we go." Xander breathed looking at the cave.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Giles agreed as he led the group to the mouth of the cave. When they reached it Giles handed Xander a small map, "Anya and I will secure the entrance; you, Buffy, and Willow follow this map to the lair."

"Ay, ay, sir." Buffy answered taking the map out of Xander's hand and moving into the cave. Xander gave the Watcher one last look before following closely behind Buffy, with Willow following him.

"Good luck." Giles whispered after he saw the trio disappear.

"Don't need it." he heard Buffy call back confidently through the darkness.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 7

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	8. When You Win 8

Title: When You Win (8/

Title: When You Win (8/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

Burton's Caverns

8:10 p.m.

Xander watched Buffy shiver while she shouted back to Giles. He knew very well that she was frightened even if she wouldn't believe it herself.

"What's that smell?" Willow whispered as the climbed further back into the cave, "It smells like… ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!"

Willow's high pitched scream broke through the silence of the cave as she looked to her right and saw a bloody corpse laying sprawled over a rock. Xander immediately jumped for his friend, one arm encircling over her mouth and the other wrapping around her shoulders pulling her into a comforting hug.

Buffy, on the other hand, went into immediate defense mode, whipping out the dagger and assuming a fighting stance while she surveyed the area. "Jesus Christ, Willow. Give me a heart attack." Buffy said relaxing a little, but still holding the dagger.

"It's…it's just…" Willow stammered pointing at the body.

"It's alright Wills." Xander whispered.

"Let's keep moving." Buffy ordered as she started walking again.

The group continued their trek, only now Xander took up the rear. They had been walking for almost fifteen minutes before Buffy stopped and looked at the map, "I think this is it.", she whispered looking around the cavern.

"Why?" Willow asked, still shaken.

"Because of that." Buffy stated simply, pointing with the dagger across the fairly leveled room to a large greenish brown horned thing that was laying on the floor. "This is one of the suckiest lairs I've ever been in. You would think that he could have a few throw pillows here or there, but noooo…" Buffy mumbled as they made the short jump down to the cavern floor.

That was Xanders' place to say something to compliment her last quip, but nothing funny came to mind as he took in his surroundings. The cavern room was poorly lit, even after Buffy lit the torches on the walls; it was damp and cold, and it smelt like, what could only be described as death. Quaint little digs here. Xander thought humorlessly. "How much time do we have?" he asked Willow, seeing that Buffy was distracted with sizing up her unconscious opponent.

"Um…fifteen." Willow answered as she busily set up her equipment in a clearing behind some rocks in the corner.

Xander nodded and made his way quietly towards Buffy, even though it was obvious that the demon couldn't hear anything that was going on in the room.

Buffy felt him standing behind her, watching her size up the demon. She pondered if she could just stab it now, Maybe Anya was wrong about the forcefield thing. She's been wrong before 

"What's it going to hurt to try." she heard Xander say from his position behind her. Buffy smiled at the fact that he could give her an answer to questions she had just though of. She tossed his a grin over her shoulder before raising the dagger high over her head and then forcing it down with all her might.

A loud clanging sound ripped through the cavern and a bright green and yellow shield came into view and spread to cover the demon's whole body.

Startled at the light display Buffy jumped back almost immediately, and when the sound and the lights faded she laughed bitterly to herself as she turned to Xander, "Figures. It can't ever be easy."

Xander watched Buffy's face contort in an effort to hold back her tears and it only took a moment before he leapt forward and gathered her in his arms, "Don't cry now. Please don't cry.", he cooed in her ear as he rocked her back and forth.

"I want to go home now." she whispered into his shirt.

"We will." Xander assured before turning his gaze to the sleeping demon, "I predict a fifteen minute brawl, tops. Then we go home." He said with a grin.

Buffy had to laugh at his expression. Only Xander could make her smile in a moment like this. This was part of their lives; one was strong when the other couldn't be.

Just like now Buffy thought. "Promise?" she asked glancing at the demon.

"Scouts Honor. Have I ever promised you anything that I couldn't give you?" Xander answered.

"Not yet. But you've also never been a scout." Buffy whispered back to him as she stood on her toes to kiss him.

"Remind me to give you pep talks more often." Xander quietly joked when they broke several minutes later.

"Five minutes you guys!" Willow called from behind the rocks when she was done setting up.

"You should go wait with Willow." Buffy said slowly letting Xander go.

"Wait!" he called still holding her arm, "I got you this." Xander reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of lint and coins.

"Wow! Pocket change. Can you hold it till later, honey." Buffy said with a genuine smile.

"You think I'm giving you my change!? Not likely, I have five of those new state quarters and there's no way your getting your hands on them." Xander answered with a smile of his own, "I got you this." he said separating a thin silver bracelet from the clutter, "Well actually it was my Nanas'. I carry it for good luck." He fastened to Buffy's wrist. "It was my lucky charm…"

"Xander, you don't have to…"

"And I want you to have it as yours. Besides, it's done its job for me." he grinned while leaning down to kiss Buffy lightly on the lips.

"Two minutes!" Willow screamed, "Buffy get in position! Xander get back here!"

"I love you." Buffy told Xander as he started back towards the rocks that Willow was behind, "I love you first." Xander answered back while holding Buffy's gaze before backing behind the rocks and picking up his tazer gun.

Buffy gave her husband a half smile before gripping the dagger and turning around. She readied herself in wait as the demon rolled on it's back and grumbled.

Xander starred on in a combination of terror and fascination as the seven-foot monster stood up and glared down at his wife.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 8

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	9. When You Win 9

Title: When You Win (9/

Title: When You Win (9/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

__

Burton's Caverns

8:55 PM

Buffy's shock at seeing the Localv Demon wore off quickly and she slashed at it with the dagger. The seven foot beast that couldn't weigh less than 400 lbs. was surprisingly quick on its feet as it jumped backwards away from her swipe.

It threw a right hook in Buffy's direction, which she ducked and quickly stood up to deliver a flat palm to the demon's side.

The Localv seemed unfazed by her efforts and deftly swung back around, delivering a hard elbow to the side of Buffy's head. The force of the blow spun the Slayer around so that her back was to the demon. He grabbed Buffy by the back of her neck and held her in the air where he grabbed her swinging right leg and threw her easily across the room.

Buffy bounced off the stone wall and fell to the ground. As her vision cleared she saw Xander jumping over the rocks that separated him and Willow's perch from the fight.

"Xander!!" Willow shouted after him, "Xander don't!!"

"Do the spell now!" he shouted back forcefully as he charged the demon.

"Xander NO!" Buffy shouted and he came to an abrupt halt. The Localv turned at her outburst and saw Xander taking aim with the tazer and immediately turned on him. "The spell Willow! Do the spell!" Buffy yelled as she pushed herself off the ground and charged the demon that was quickly advancing on Xander.

"Dammit!" Xander cursed as he backpedaled away from the Localv because the tazer was still charging. He saw no other option so he swung the gun at the beast like a bat. The Localv easily dodged the swing, as the sounds of Willow's chanting became audible in the cave.

The demon seemed to sense Buffy advancing and unleashed a backhand close-fist hit that sent the startled Slayer again to the ground before turning on Xander again. However, this time Xander was ready and as the demon turned to face him he was hit with the high voltage beam from the gun. The beam hit the Localv with enough force to startle it, but he still managed to unleash a strong forearm jab to Xander's head.

Xander went crashing to the ground, and the demon soon followed because Buffy executed a leg sweep form her position on the ground. With the Localv on its knees Buffy launched into a series of three swift round house kicks to the demon's face and then a crescent kick to the back of the demon's neck.

Xander rolled easily to his feet and out of the demon's way as he crashed to the ground, but his tazer wasn't so lucky and he heard it crack under the Localv's weight.

"Go help Willow." Buffy told him as she looked into his eyes in hopes he would get out of the fight. Xander was about to protest when Localv started to push itself to its feet. "Go!" Buffy screamed again and he ran back to the rocks.

When he got there he saw Willow. She sat with her eyes closed in a deep trance while chanting something he couldn't understand. As he routed through the bag for the sword a faint glow started to shine from inside the circle in which Willow sat.

__

~*~Outside~*~

A strong gust of wind blew from somewhere in the woods past Giles and Anya and into the cave. "It's started" Giles stated looking in the direction of the wind.

"There's nothing out here." Anya complained looking around in the dark night.

"Yeah there is." A voice answered back.

Giles and Anya turned to see about twenty vampires walk out of the woods, "If there is one thing I've learned here in the Hellmouth," Giles said as he turned on his flame-thrower, "it's never call attention to good fortune."

"Less talking, more charring." Anya stated as she shot the fire at the advancing vampires.

__

~*~Inside the cave~*~

"Xander stay!" Buffy shouted for about the nine trillionth time as she saw him ready to rush into the fight again. He had blood on the front of his shirt from where the Localv hit him in the mouth, and even though he had not fought that much his entire body hurt.

Every chance Buffy got she tossed him a glance to make sure he was aright. What's taking the dams spell so long! her mind screamed as the demon swept her legs out from under her. Buffy groaned as she landed hard on her back, and had the wind knocked out of her. 

The demon tried to follow up with a dropping punch to Buffy's face but she blocked it by grabbing its wrist and flipping it to the ground. Buffy warily pushed herself to her feet and went to the other side of the cavern to get some distance between her and the beast. "Alright," she breathed, "I'm sick of this. And if I smell like sewer again because of you, I'm going to resurrect you just so I can use more violence when I kill you again."

The Localv seemed to smile at her as they circled one another, "Enough." it barked as it charged her. Buffy met it with a re-energized flying sidekick that caused it to fly back into the opposite wall, "So now you talk." Buffy quipped noting that that was the first hit she'd delivered that had caused significant damage. The spell must be working she thought as she continued stride.

Xander saw the demon fly back and turned his gaze back to Willow. The glow emanating from the circle was becoming brighter and brighter, It's working! Xander thought as he smiled and turned back to Buffy, "It's working!!" he shouted to her. Buffy turned her head quickly towards Xander and did not see the Localv stand up again. "Look out!" Xander shouted again.

Buffy's head snapped back around and the demon delivered a two handed blow to Buffy's chest and she was sent again to the ground. Before she could get to her feet the demon picked her up again by the neck and threw her against the cave wall. Dazed, Buffy rolled so the she was resting on her knees and elbows. 

The Localv lumbered up to were Buffy lay on the ground and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her to her feet. Before Buffy could react her face was slammed into the cave wall. She felt her head connect with the jagged rock three times before she was able to muster up the strength to land a forceful elbow to the monster's eye.

The Localv released her and howled in pain at the impact while Buffy went crashing to the ground. She heard Xander call her name, but was too disoriented to respond as she tried to crawl away from her tormentor.

Xander threw himself off the rocks again when he saw the demon walk quickly towards Buffy again; he couldn't stand still anymore while she got beat to death. Xander jumped over the remaining rocks just in time to see the demon deliver a swift hard drop kick to Buffy's ribs. She sputtered for air as the force from the kick flipped her onto her back. She tasted the blood in her mouth as she clenched her eyes shut and gripped her stomach.

"BUFFY!" Xander shouted out as he rushed the demon with the sword raised. Buffy's eyes watered and she cried out as the Localv kicked her again squarely in the ribs. "Xander" she called softly as the demon lifted its foot and pressed it firmly to Buffy's throat, choking the life out her while her fingers pulled at its thick ankle.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Xander yelled as he brought the sword down hard on the demon's back. The metal bent and cracked between the force of Xander's blow and the roughness of the demon's skin, but it did provide enough distraction to get the monster away from Buffy.

The Localv turned around to face him and Xander let go a left hook that connected firmly with the demon's jaw, but he winced in pain as he heard and felt the bones in his hand crunch on impact.

The demon grinned at him as he turned to face him again and delivered a backhand that sent Xander flying through the air. He hit the ground with a dull thud and when he opened his eyes he saw Buffy rising shakily to her feet.

Her face was a mass of cuts and scrapes and Xander could see a steady flow of blood from a deep gash on her forehead. "Go get help!" Buffy ordered in a surprisingly forceful voice.

Xander hesitated for a moment, but then realized that that would be the only way they would survive until the spell was enacted. "I love you" Xander said breathlessly as he looked at Buffy one more time before he pushed himself up and ran out of the lair.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 9

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	10. When You Win 10

Title: When You Win (10/

Title: When You Win (10/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Xander all but fell out of the mouth of the cave gasping for air, "We need help!" he shouted to a frazzled looking Giles and Anya, "The spell won't start!"

"We must say here." Giles stated as more vampires appeared from the woods, "They are trying to get into the cave, if they do there will be no stopping them."

Xander's eyes pleaded with the Watcher as he was still seemingly oblivious to the vamps that were approaching. Anya shot a wall of fire at the advancing vampires before turning to Giles. "I can go." She offered, while Xander glanced between the two of them and the cave. 

"Please hurry" he begged.

"I'm going now." Anya stated as Xander ran back into the cave, "Be careful." She shouted back to Giles, who was shooting another wall of fire, before he could respond.

"Hurry up!" Xander shouted back to her as he sprinted over the rocks in the cave on his way back to the lair with Anya in tow. When they reached the cavern again Willow was still in a trance, and Buffy looked as is she was dead on her feet.

Buffy executed a front snap kick, which the Localv easily caught and used to flip her off the ground. She had been know for being able to land on her feet after that move, but this time Buffy did a full flip in the air before landing hard on her stomach and she cried out in pain. "You're the best toy I've had since I came to this retched place." The Localv mocked when she slammed to the ground. 

"I can't get a clear shot off if it doesn't get off of her!" Anya yelled as she tired to aim the flame-thrower. Xander didn't respond because the minute Buffy screamed he ran for the demon again.

The Localv turned to see Xander's attack and easily hoisted him over his shoulder sending him crashing to the ground. Xander got to his feet as quickly as he could and prepared for another attack while Buffy tried to stand up, only with more difficulty.

Suddenly a strong gust of wind blew into the cavern and all eyes turned towards the mouth of the lair. "It worked! Go now Buffy!" Willow shouted excitedly as she stood up.

The Localv turned quickly and delivered a hard right hook to Buffy's head at Willow's outburst and then turned on Xander, who was moving to his wife, the Slayer's, side. The demon reached out and grabbed him by the back of the neck before he could reach her and tossed him easily to the ground in the middle of the room.

From the ground Xander saw Buffy still laying motionless in the dirt. "Xander!" Anya called as she moved to rush to his side. "No, help her. She needs to kill it now!" Xander said as he got to his feet and began circling the Localv. "That makes seven." The demon taunted as Xander angrily sized him up.

Anya obeyed and rushed to Buffy's side where she began to shake the Slayer hard. Buffy's eyes slowly fluttered open at the new movement, though she was unable to focus on anything in the room. "Buffy!" a voice echoed through her head. 

"Buffy, you have to kill it now! Buffy! Come on!" Anya shouted as she pulled the other woman into a sitting position.

The Localv let out a barking laugh while he looked over Xander. Xander swallowed deeply and took a quick glance at Buffy, letting go a sigh of relief when he saw her sit up. But his relief was short lived, because the demon saw his attention change to the Slayer and used the opening.

"Xander!" Willow shrieked as the Localv charged him. The yell caused Buffy's eyes to snap back open as the demon seemingly tackled Xander, driving him into a sharp stone wall.

Xander screamed at the first contact with the demon as the crooked horn in the middle of the monster's head drove into his body. Xander felt himself being slammed into the wall and he tired to push at the Localv's shoulders as he saw Buffy standing up. He felt the sharp rocks behinds him piercing the flesh of his back and all the air being forced from his lungs. He felt his ribs snapping from the pressure as the Localv continued to crush him.

Xander tried to scream again, but found that he had no voice left. He could barely focus on the sounds in the cavern as the searing pain coursing through his body dulled into numbness. Xander tried to open his eyes to see what was happening, to see Buffy, but all he saw was black.

Buffy's body screamed as she ran hard at the demon with the dagger raised high over her right shoulder. She ignored the blinding pain as she reached the demon and swung the dagger as hard as she could, aiming at the beast's neck as it pinned her husband to the wall.

The blade sliced easily through the demons flesh only stopping briefly at its spine before sliding the rest of the way through. At the dislocation of the head the body turned into a bright greenish yellow goo on the ground until all that was left of it was the horn protruding from Xander's stomach. 

Buffy stepped back as Xander fell to the ground limp.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 10

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	11. When You Win 11

Title: When You Win (11/

Title: When You Win (11/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned the show would I really be writing this. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Buffy looked at Xander on the ground for a moment before turning to Willow and Anya and dropping the dagger.

Willow looked at Buffy as she climbed down into the cavern. "Xander." she whispered while she took in the sight of the broken body of her best friend.

He was badly bruised and laying crooked in the dirt. He was covered in blood and Willow noticed that the crimson liquid was even flowing out of his eyes and ears.

"I did it." Buffy said with a slight smile, her back still to Xander. "I won. I told you we always win Xan." she said turning around, "Didn't I say that? That I always win."

Willow tried to move in front of Buffy who was beginning to make her way towards Xander who lay motionless on the ground. "Buffy…" She tried to redirect her friend softly.

"Xander. What's your deal?" Buffy demanded stepping around Willow and moving to stand at Xander's side, "Answer me."

Willow watched as Buffy looked down at him skeptically and then back up at her. "He's pretending." Buffy whispered while kneeling at his side, "Sometimes he pretends that he's sleeping, but I can tell."

Buffy reached out her hand and brushed some of Xander's now bloody hair out of his face, "I won, Sweetie, did you see it?" Buffy asked again in a child like voice.

"Anya go get help." Willow ordered. Willow slowly walked up to Buffy and placed a hand lightly on her shoulder, "Buffy. Get up please." she pleaded, "Anya went to go get help."

"This isn't funny anymore Xander. Alex." Buffy said ignoring Willow's plea, "Alex!" she shouted again shaking him.

"Anya said there was trouble." Giles said as he ran into the lair. "Call and ambulance!" Willow shouted . Giles took a look at a battered Buffy kneeling beside a bloody Xander, "Dear God." He breathed as he ran out of the cavern again.

"I know the problem." Buffy continued, ignoring the presence of anyone else, while she looked down at Xander. She moved her hands down his torso where she grabbed the horn hat was protruding from his stomach and pulled it easily from his body causing a new gush of blood to flow. "There." Buffy said triumphantly, tossing the horn to the side. "Get Up!" she yelled at him smacking his arm.

"Buffy stop it." Willow yelled in a shaky voice as her tears finally started to fall, "What's the matter with you!?"

"Ask Alex," she replied glancing at her, "he's the one joking around. But I know how to get him up." Buffy said before she slowly leaned down and pressed her lips to his. When Xander didn't respond Buffy pulled back unaware of the fact that his blood now covered her face, "Alex stop it. Please! It's not funny anymore!"

"Helps coming!" Anya exclaimed as she rushed back into the room, "Giles is going to lead them down here."

Willow was to numb from the scene before her to respond, while Buffy didn't seem to hear.

Buffy looked down at Xander again before laying down and positioning herself next to him so that her head was resting against his chest. Buffy wrapped her arm over his stomach and held him tight, "I want to go home now. You promised." she whispered as she shut her eyes, "You promised."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 11

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	12. When You Win 12

Title: When You Win (12/

Title: When You Win (12/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all you'd get would be my new fuzzy shirt and a pair of bright yellow polyester pants. Wait…the pants aren't mine, but you would definitely get the shirt. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Down here!" Giles' voice re-entered the cavern. "Hurry!" Anya called as she heard the footsteps of multiple people rushing towards the room, followed by the entrance of six paramedics.

"Are you alright?" one of them asked Anya. "Not me," she said shaking off his hand. "Over there!" she yelled pointing at Buff and Xander who were laying on the floor. 

Two paramedics immediately rushed to the couple and pulled them apart, "We got a pulse here." one said as he checked Buffy. "She's unconscious, but she's alive." They put the backboard under her body and lifted her easily onto the gurney while the three others worked on Xander. 

Willow watched on in shock as Buffy was wheeled past her. She stood and looked on while the remaining paramedics set Xander's leg so that he was laying more evenly. Giles came up to her and put an arm over her shoulder to lead her away.

"He's losing a lot of blood! Are you getting anything?" a paramedic asked while his partner tried to find Xander's pulse. The medic who was looking for the pulse briefly shook his head and Willow turned into Giles' shoulder.

He was leading her towards the mouth of the cave when she heard the medic shout, "I got one! It's faint, we haveta hurry!"

Willow gasped and turned back to Xander while he was being hoisted onto a gurney. The medics ran Xander out of the cavern followed by a crying Willow who was being led by Giles. "We'll follow you!" Giles yelled to the paramedics as they hoisted Xander into the ambulance.

"Where's Anya?" Willow asked meekly as she climbed into the SUV and Giles jumped into the driver's side. "I sent her with Buffy." he answered while starting the car and headed down the road after the ambulance. 

"Perhaps you should call Joyce, tell her to meet us there."

"Okay." Willow muttered as she retrieved the cell phone. She didn't want to call Buffy's mother, she had no idea what to say. Willow knew that Buffy could very well died, from what she had seen she would have thought that her friend already was, and now it was her job to tell Joyce that she was losing her oldest child. She felt the tears start to fall again, if Buffy died she would be losing her best friend, and if Xander was dead… she wouldn't have anything left.

Willow shakily punched in Buffy's mother's phone number. It rang five times, and Willow contemplated hanging up after each one, unfortunately on the sixth ring Dawn answered.

~~

__

"Hello, Summers' residence. Dawn speaking."

"Hi Dawn, it's Willow. Is…"

"Hi Willow! How are you? I haven't seen you in forever." Dawn chattered cheerfully.

"I've been better. Is your mom there?" Willow asked barely able to choke out the words.

"Yeah, she's here. What's the matter?"

"Can I talk to her, it's important." Willow pleaded.

"Fine. I get it. Did Buffy tell you not to talk to me? She can be so annoying, which is surprising cuz she doesn't live here anymore…" Dawn stated in a clipped voice.

"It's really important Dawn. Please."

"Alright…" Dawn said, starting to get confused, "(muffled)MOM! IT'S WILLOW! SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S CRYING!"

"Willow? What's the matter honey?" Joyce asked worriedly a few seconds later, sounding a little short of breath from having to run to the phone.

Willow sat in silence at the sound of Joyce's voice, until the other woman repeated herself. 

"Willow? Are you alright?"

"Um…no , Joyce. There's been…Buffy…" Willow struggled with the words, before Joyce interrupted her.

"Oh my God. What happened? Is Buffy okay?"

"No… I don't know…you have to go to the hospital. We're going there now."

"Alright." Joyce answered quickly before hanging up the phone.

~~

Willow clicked off the phone and looked numbly out of window before closing her eyes against her tears. She could hear the sirens blaring and if she looked ahead she could see the medics rushing around in the back of Xander's ambulance. Willow closed her eyes again and tried to block out the nights' events while Giles drove through the night at break neck speeds.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 12

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	13. When You Win 13

Title: When You Win (13/

Title: When You Win (13/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all you'd get would be my new fuzzy shirt and a pair of bright yellow polyester pants. Wait…the pants aren't mine, but you would definitely get the shirt. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Joyce and Dawn ran through the automatic doors of the Emergency Room of Sunnydale Memorial Hospital and rushed to the nurse's station. "Where's Buffy!? Buffy Summers!" Joyce yelled to the nurse behind the desk. "It might be under Buffy Harris." Dawn added a little calmer than her mother did while the nurse checked the charts.

"Where is she!?" Joyce shouted again as she looked up and down the corridor frantically.

"Calm down please, I'm trying to find…" the nurse started

"Tell me where my daughter is and then I'll calm down!" Joyce shouted back and slammed her fist down on the desk. She could not understanding how an ER nurse could tell a parent to calm down while they had no idea what was happening to their child.

"Joyce?" a voice called and both she and Dawn spun around. 

"Anya! Oh God! Where is she?" Joyce asked rushing to her after casting the nurse a snide look.

"I don't know. We got here and they just rushed her away. They won't tell me anything, they just said to sit here." Anya said pointing to the waiting room.

"I take it you're the victims mother?" another nurse asked approaching the three women carrying a chart.

"The victim? Yes. Yes I am." Joyce answered shaking her head. "What happened?"

"I'm going to need you to fill these out." The nurse answered handing Joyce some forms. "It appears that there was a cave in at Burton's Caverns."

The Caverns? She said she was working late at the shop tonight she thought, "Where is she?" she managed to get out.

"Um…" the nurse glanced at the chart in her hand, "She was prepped for surgery. Went in about twenty minutes ago."

Joyce watched the nurse walk away as she all but fell into the seat behind her and took a deep breath, "I need a pen." she stated and Dawn ran to find one. "Where is Willow? Willow called and told us to come here." she asked when Dawn left the room.

"Willow and Giles are coming with Xander." Anya answered quietly. "I didn't see them because Buffy got taken out first. I called his parents."

Dawn came running back into the room and handed her mother the pen before sitting down next to her. Joyce had silently started filling out the forms when the hospital sprung to life again. Doctors and nurses rushed to the doors as a new ambulance arrived.

The three occupants of the waiting room ignored it until Willow and Giles rushed into the room, "That was Xander." Giles stated. "Any news on Buffy?"

Dawn sat in disbelief that all those doctors were necessary to take care of Xander, but her mother, on the other hand, stood up angrily.

"What the hell happened!?" Joyce yelled. "Buffy called and said she was working late at the shop tonight, and then I get a call saying that my baby is in surgery, and my son is half dead, and it's all because of you. You did this!" she yelled hysterically as her tears started to fall, "If my little girl dies…"

"Where is he?" a man's voice asked from behind the group. Willow recognized it as Xander's father, Tim's, voice and answered, "He just got here."

Tim Harris walked into the room, seemingly ignoring its other occupants, and sat down while his wife, Jane, went to fill out Xander's forms. "What happened?" he asked glaring at Giles.

"I believe it was a cave in." Giles answered nervously.

"Why was the boy in a cave?" Tim asked, Joyce snorted as she sat down again, "That's exactly what I want to know."

Giles swallowed and started to answer, "I…" he looked into Joyce's eyes and realized that he couldn't lie, but because of the presence of the Harris' he couldn't tell the truth, they had no idea about their son's wife's real identity. "I sent them to the Caverns…" Giles admitted, "I needed research done on the…"

"Research!" Tim yelled, "In a God damn cave at night! I won't buy those bullshit stories that he came home with in high school. I want to know why my son is dying right now Mr. Giles."

Giles' eyes darted around the room while he searched his mind for an answer. He had no expectations of this turning out the way that it had, despite the knowledge of the Localv's formidability. He wished for a distraction, something to draw the focus off of this situation, but it wasn't coming, and both Buffy's and Xander's parents were waiting impatiently for his answer.

"Joyce Summers." a new voice broke through the tension in the room and replaced it with horror. All eyes turned to the doctor that had entered the waiting area and Dawn rose to stand next to her mother.

Joyce closed her eyes against the sight of the middle-aged man who had called her name. He looked tired and was wearing what she supposed were once bright green hospital scrubs, now they were stained in blood that Joyce could only assume was her daughters'. She barely felt Dawn squeeze her hand and she drew in a deep breath.

"I need to speak with you." The doctor continued.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 13

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	14. When You Win 14

Title: When You Win (14/

Title: When You Win (14/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all you'd get would be my new fuzzy shirt and a pair of bright yellow polyester pants. Wait…the pants aren't mine, but you would definitely get the shirt. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Joyce shot Giles a deadly glare before turning to look at Dawn. "It'll be okay mom.", she said weakly. "Buffy's strong." Jane Harris spoke up to comfort the other woman, "She can pull through."

Joyce nodded briefly and walked towards the doctor. Please no. No. No. No. No. her mind repeated over and over again as she was led further down the hall and away from the group.

"Mrs. Summers…" 

"Joyce." The woman interrupted.

"Joyce." The doctor started again, "I'm Doctor Foster. As you know, your daughter…"

"Buffy." Joyce interrupted again with a weak smile, trying to stall the information with idle information.

"Buffy." Dr. Foster said with a small smile of his own, "Buffy was badly injured and we had to operate." He paused, "She had lost a lot of blood and was suffering major internal bleeding. She has five broken ribs that accounted for the majority of the internal damage."

Dr. Foster paused again, and Joyce wished he would just finish everything he had to tell her in one breath instead of trying to be dramatic. When he continued she released a breath of relief, if he was waiting for a reaction, it wasn't going to come yet. 

"Less seriously," he said, "Buffy has three separate concussions, but one of them was sustained prior to tonight. She also fractured her wrist."

"Is she…" Joyce finally managed to find her voice.

"Alive. Yes." The doctor said with a smile that quickly died, "but she is in serious condition."

"Will she be alright?" the mother asked with apparent relief hidden behind worry.

"Buffy is under observation, and will have to remain there until she wakes up. It's still uncertain, but at the moment she is alive."

AT THE MOMENT Joyce's mind screamed, but all she did was whisper, "Thank God." 

Dr. Foster offered another comforting smile before she added, "Thank you." And reached for his hand, giving it a firm squeeze.

"Mrs. Summers, the next part is never easy." He continued.

"What part? I filled out all the paper work. When can I see her?"

"As soon as we get her down to the ICU you can visit, but…"

"What?" Joyce asked, her brow furrowing.

"It seems that your daughter suffered severe trauma to the abdomen. I haven't seen anything like it personally, besides a case study in med. school, but, none-the-less…" he got back on track only to be interrupted.

"What is it?" Joyce asked, her worry bubbling to the surface again.

"She was hemorrhaging." Dr. Foster took a deep breath, "We couldn't save the baby."

Joyce stood in shock unable to wrap her mind around the news that had just been delivered. She hadn't known that her daughter was pregnant, but now, not only was her oldest child's life hanging in the balance, but she had lost her unborn grandchild. Even worse, her little girl had lost her first child, something she would not wish on her worst enemy.

"…I'll keep you updated on her condition and let you know when she regains consciousness," Dr. Fosters voice broke through her thoughts, "And once again, I'm sorry." he continued honestly even though Joyce had had hardly heard him.

"Is there any news on her husband, Xander…Alexander…Harris?" Joyce whispered still reeling I can't tell her that she's lost them both…she cut the thought off.

"I'm not sure. I can check, but I'm sure that somebody should be out with information shortly."he said comfortingly.

"Good. Good. I should go tell the others…" Joyce said while turning around, "Thank you again.", she said minutely walking back towards the group and feeling her tears start to fall.

~* Waiting Room *~

"Thank you for being here." Jane told Anya and Willow while they waited for Joyce to return and Tim continued to glare at Giles.

"You girls can go home, there's no sense in all of us just sitting here." Tim said in a cold voice, flicking his eyes away from Giles.

"It's alright," Willow opposed, "I would just be worrying at home then."

"Perhaps Tim is right." Giles agreed, "It has been a long night, go home and get some rest. We'll let you know if there are any developments." He cast a glance at Tim and added, "I can drive you."

Willow glanced at Anya who was yawning in the seat next to her. She, herself, didn't know how much longer she could sit there while her friends were possibly dying down the hall. Willow knew that she definitely didn't want to be there when the news of Buffy and Xander's fate was revealed even though she knew she should be there for them, "Alright." She said warily, taking a deep breath before standing up. Giles silently followed , "I'll be right back." He stated earning another glare from Tim before walking out of the room. "Call as soon as you know something." Willow said softly while giving Jane a hug. "It'll be fine." Anya tried to reassure, using the phrase that had become the groups' mantra since they had arrived.

The two girls walked out the waiting room, following the path that Giles had taken, leaving Xander's parents and a sleeping Dawn to themselves. Tim sat and listened as his wife broke into tears, he had it in his mind to tell her to stop, but instead put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

His own eyes started to sting at the prospect of losing his only son. He knew he had been anything but the perfect father but he never wanted his boy to die. He felt Jane pull away from his hold and opened his eyes, half dreading what he would see. 

Watching Joyce walk towards that doctor was like watching someone walk to their death, and he wasn't ready for that yet. When he turned his gaze to the waiting room entrance, though, he saw a the other woman entering the room shakily.

Jane immediately stood up and walked over to her gripping the other woman's shoulders for support. "The others went home. Rupert said he'd be right back." Tim offered from his seat. Joyce nodded then turned her gaze to Dawn who was watching anxiously from her seat.

Joyce gripped Jane's hands on her shoulders giving them a gentle squeeze before going over to Dawn. She immediately pulled her other daughter into a hug, renewing the tears in her already red eyes. "She's alive." Joyce told the occupants of the room and there was an audible sigh of relief, "but she's in serious condition. The doctor said that they're taking her to the ICU then we can see her."

"Thank God." Jane breathed, "If anything would have happened to her Alex would be devastated."

"Have you heard anything?" Joyce asked, still holding Dawn's hand.

"Not a damn thing yet." Tim huffed out, "But its good that Buffy is alright."

Joyce smiled slightly before turning to Dawn, "Why don't you go get something to drink?" she asked reaching for her purse.

"I'm fine." Dawn answered, "I want to be here in case they say we can go in."

"I'll come find you if hat happens when you're gone," her mother assured giving the girl two dollars, "You look like you could use some caffeine."

Dawn eyed her mother briefly before taking the money. She could tell that she wanted her out of the room so she decided to play along, this was no time to argue, "Cool. I'll be right back." she said as she walked towards the elevator.

Joyce waited until she saw the elevator doors close behind Dawn before turning to face Tim and Jane. Xander's parents watched her expectantly while she took a deep breath, "Buffy was pregnant." she said quickly, "She lost the baby."

"What?" Tim asked sitting up, while Jane inhaled a sharp breath.

"I didn't know either, I didn't get all the details…" she continued quietly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Harris." a voice called in a familiar tone.

Tim looked at his wife , "You wait here." he told her while he walked toward the doctor, "About damn time." he muttered at her as they walked down the hall.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 14

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	15. When You Win 15

Title: When You Win (15/

Title: When You Win (15/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all you'd get would be my new fuzzy shirt and a pair of bright yellow polyester pants. Wait…the pants aren't mine, but you would definitely get the shirt. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dawn made her way down the hallway back towards the waiting room. She had never liked hospitals and she knew that Buffy felt the same way. I wonder if its hereditary? she questioned. She passed the swinging doors to the ICU and raised up on her toes to stare through the glass portals, for some reason hoping to see her sister.

She walked cautiously up to the doors and contemplated walking in. "Honey?" her mother's voice called from behind her making her jump.

"Sorry." Joyce offered resting a hand on the teenager's shoulder, "We can go in. You were right, they told me while you were gone."

"Thanks for waiting." Dawn said quietly.

The mother and daughter stood still for a few more minutes before Dawn pushed open the swinging door, "One of us had to." She sighed taking her mothers hand and walking through.

~* Outside the Waiting Room *~

Tim Harris stood around the corner from the waiting room breathing deeply with his eyes closed. He had seen a nurse lead Joyce out of the room while he was talking to his son's surgeon and figured Buffy was awake.

He sighed and bought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose against the tears that were threatening to fall while he recalled the conversation he had just had.

The doctor, Dr Anderson, had gone on about sever damage to internal organs and heavy bleeding. She said that Alex had been crushed, and had suffered an unexplained stab wound to the abdomen and that they could not stop the bleeding. 

He had to be resuscitated four times on the table.

Tim only picked out the key works, he couldn't made his mind pick up anymore than that, not that the rest mattered anyway. All that mattered right now was what it all meant.

His only son was gone. Alex hadn't survived.

And now he had to tell his wife that she didn't have a son anymore. He had to tell his daughter-in-law that her whole family had been lost in a matter of hours. 

I need a drink. Tim thought as he took one more breath and walked into the room, taking a seat next to his wife. The hopeful smile she held died when Tim sat down and couldn't meet her eyes. "NOOOOO!" she shrieked while he pulled her into a hug.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 15

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	16. When You Win 16

Title: When You Win (16/

Title: When You Win (16/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all I own is a pair of Superman pajama pants and I'm not giving them up. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK, "~8~8~" means dream sequence. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Joyce and Dawn followed a nurse to the partitioned section the Buffy was in. The woman pulled back the curtain and Joyce's breath hitched in her chest. The nurse walked to the side of the bed and picked up the chart, "Buffy Harris." she said reading, "She's unconscious, but she can probably hear you if you want to talk to her."

Joyce simply nodded a little as the nurse walked past her, she could not take her eyes off Buffy. Joyce walked further into the room while starring at her daughter, she was laying impossibly still, tucked firmly in the white sheets of the bed.

She had a mass of cuts all over her face, Joyce assumed that there was a bad gash on the right side of her forehead because of the slightly crimson gauzy bandage that was taped there. Her nose appeared to be broken because of the two black eyes that were apparent and there was a tube affixed in Buffy's mouth, which Joyce traced to a respirator. Buffy's broken arm was cradled at her side and was the last visible injury that could be seen. 

"My little girl." She whispered while moving to brush some of Buffy's hair out of her face, thankful that she couldn't see anything else.

Joyce glanced at Dawn who was standing uncomfortably at the foot of the bed and followed her line of vision tot he various machines that Buffy was hooked up to. She wasn't sure what they all did, but she knew that she was standing next to the heart monitor from the steady pings it was making, and she recognized the various drips that were connected to Buffy's hands and arms.

"Are you sure she's alright?" Dawn asked, moving to sit in one of the chairs near the separating curtain. Joyce wanted to say 'yes', but could only manage, "She looks so peaceful."

__

~8~8~8~8~8~

Buffy ran hard at the demon with the dagger raised high over her right shoulder. The Localv seemed prepared for her attack and unleashed a heavy backhand aimed at her head. Buffy ducked the blow just in time and used the demons own momentum to propel it into the dagger, easily forcing it into its stomach.

The Localv growled in pain, and Buffy couldn't help be smirk as she withdrew the dagger. The Localv hunched over in pain, but was quickly straightened out when Buffy delivered a forceful knee to its face. Buffy quickly launched a front snap kick to its stomach, causing the Localv to double over again, and then executed four alternating roundhouse kicks to the demon's sides and head.

The Localv was forced to one knee and Buffy unleashed a series of jabs to the its face.

"Stop playing with it Buff!" she heard Xander yell from somewhere in the dark void to her left, probably where he was waiting with Willow.

"That has to be the first time you've ever said that." Buffy quipped back to him, she could almost feel his blush.

Buffy kicked the Localv's bent knee out from under it and sent it crashing onto its side. When it rolled over Buffy once again raised the dagger over her head and positioned it above the demon's heart. "You're going to Hell now." Buffy said as she forced the dagger down into the demon's chest to the hilt. The thing's yellowish-green blood gushed onto her hands.

The Localv used the last of it's strength and leaned up, his foul hot breath wafting down the right side of Buffy's face, turning her stomach as it whispered in a raspy voice, "I'll see you there."

Buffy's head snapped up and she twisted up the dagger hard to the right causing the demon to again howl in pain before falling back lifeless on the ground.

Buffy checked her watch before pushing herself off the ground and brushing the dirt off her clothes, "That took twenty-five minutes Xan," she said in a mock serious tone and she re-shieffed the dagger on her hip, "You said fifteen." Buffy looked around the dark room, unable to make out any clear objects.

"Xander?" she called again when she got no response. She looked down to where the Localv lay, only to find that it was gone. "Xander?" Buffy called again as she walked to towards the direction where she remembered Xander's voice coming form. 

She continued to walk cautiously, in what she thought was forward, unable to see the ground, unsure if there even was a ground. Buffy called his name again, somewhat frantically, as she squinted in the darkness, hoping to catch a glimpse of her husband's bright yellow shirt.

Then she heard it.

"Buffy."

A faint, raspy, almost mocking whisper in the familiar voice she loved.

Buffy ran towards where she thought it was coming form, happy to hear Xander's voice but worried at the alien tone it held.

She didn't know how long she had been running, but she knew it had to be a greater distance than the Localv's actual cave. Buffy suddenly stopped, she didn't know why she couldn't run anymore. She felt like her lungs were on fire and burning her alive from the inside out, and her whole body hurt like she had been hit by an eighteen wheeler.

Buffy felt a wave of dizziness wash over her as her legs gave out and she crashed to the ground, her out-stretched hand landing on the first solid object she had felt in the cavern since the Localv.

It was a body.

Buffy couldn't move for a moment. She just lay listening to the shallow breaths that the person who was laying just a few feet ahead of her was taking. She could feel the labored breaths under her hand and figured that it was resting on the person's stomach.

"Xander." Buffy called, surprised at the smallness of her own voice, she had felt fine until a few moments ago.

"Murderer." came the voice again, accusing and angry.

It was Xander's voice.

Buffy winced at his voice as she tried to pull herself to him. She just wanted to see him.

"You killed me." he said in a low tone, "I loved you and you killed me."

"No." Buffy tried, tasting the blood in her throat, "I'm sorry. So sorry Xander. Please…no."

"Yes."

She couldn't pull herself up to him.

"You'll always be alone."

She was crying now, her muscles refusing to cooperate with her mind's orders.

"I always knew that you would kill me. You did."

Buffy felt her hand fall limply to the ground where Xander once lay and she moved her fingers together, feeling that they were slick with blood.

Buffy tried to force her throat to work, to call his name, then she felt an intense searing pain lance through her body…

~8~8~8~8~8~

Joyce had 'borrowed' a chair form another room because Dawn had fallen asleep in the two provided for Buffy. She sat next to Buffy's bed and had taken her hand before resting her head on the mattress.

Xander was dead. Tim had come in to tell her what his doctor had said. 

She was thankful Dawn had finally fallen asleep and she, herself , was trying to rest her eyes, which were bloodshot form the constant stream of tears that she had shed that night.

Joyce had loved Xander, almost like a biological son, she had known him since he was fifteen and had watched him grow up. She watched her daughter fall in love with him, and she knew that if Buffy pulled through she would never be the same.

Tim had said that he was taking Jane home and told her that Giles was in the waiting room, but Joyce hadn't gone out to see, and he hadn't come into the ICU.

Joyce hadn't moved or lost contact with Buffy since the news had been delivered and she was thankful the nurse on call hadn't asked her to leave. She didn't want to have to yell.

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair for the thousandth time and felt Buffy's body jerk violently in the bed.

Joyce shot up to see if her daughter was awake, but she wasn't. Buffy began to convulse inhumanly as if she were fighting something invisible, tossing back and forth harshly, but still unconscious. The IV tore out of her hand as her body swung involuntarily to the side, and what Joyce supposed were screams were muffled by the presence of the tube that held firmly to her mouth.

Joyce tried frantically and unsuccessfully to calm her daughter down and watched with wide eyes as the heart rate monitor went haywire.

The rapid beeping and the sound of Buffy's thrashing in the bed caused the nurse to come rushing in. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." she said hurriedly while trying to usher the now wide awake and frightened mother and daughter outside. Dawn and Joyce were forced to the side as three doctors rushed into the room and surrounded Buffy.

They heard the doctors barking out orders through the now closed curtain while the nurse led them back to the waiting room.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 16

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	17. When You Win 17

Title: When You Win (17/

Title: When You Win (17/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all I own is a pair of Superman pajama pants and I'm not giving them up. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK, "~8~8~" means dream sequence. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Gaaahhh! What the…" Xander complained as he opened his eyes. The light in the room was so bright that he had to shield his eyes. "Hello!" he called uncertainly looking around. From what he could tell he was in a hospital due to the abundance of monitors in the room, but he wasn't sure why none of them were turned on.

The room was silent and empty except for him.

Xander grabbed the bed sheet and pulled it away from him while he sat up. He was expecting a viscous wave of pain because of the beating that he had just taken, but it didn't come. Xander didn't feel anything as he pushed himself from the bed and to his feet. He didn't have time to worry about it though, he just had to find Buffy.

Xander walked through the swinging doors of his room and looked around his new surroundings, I've never seen this part of the hospital. he thought back on the numerous visits that he had made to this particular place while he surveyed the bright tile hallway.

"Excuse me, I'm trying to find my wife. Buffy Harris." he stated when he saw two nurses stop in front of him. "Excuse me." He tried again when they didn't respond. Xander watched as they giggled together and walked away, "Hey! Where are you going?! Great!" he yelled running his hands through his hair.

Xander was still thinking about what to do when he heard faint yells and hurried muffled footsteps. His head shot up and he saw three doctors run by him, "Yeah, it's the girl from the cave-in, in the ICU." the doctor in front yelled back to the two following him as they turned the corner.

"Hey!" Xander called desperately, "Wait! Somebody!"

Nobody stopped. Nobody seemed to even hear him.

Xander took off in the direction of the doctors, however he lost sight of them so he settled for looking for the ICU, something was drawing him there and he knew that he had to find it quickly despite his lack of success in the communication department.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave." he heard a woman say and he ran towards the voice. Something told him that he had to find where it was coming from. Xander sprinted down the hall until he saw the swing doors that led to the ICU. He started towards them at a slower pace, trying to prepare himself for…he didn't know what, but he was stopped when he walked past the waiting area.

Xander stood just outside the door and saw Giles kneeling in front of Dawn, who was sitting next to her mother with her face buried into her neck. He could see that Joyce was crying and Giles was trying to be comforting, but it didn't seem to be working.

Xander was going to go help Giles, but instead took off in his previous direction. He burst through the ICU swinging doors, "Buffy!" he called scanning the room. He saw one of the doctors' form the hall running into the last room on the left of the room, and Xander followed.

He was not prepared for what he saw. "Buffy." he called again more quietly while moving to her side. He took in all her injuries before he looked at the two doctors who were trying unsuccessfully to hold her down.

"What the hell is this?!" one of them asked while using all of his strength to try to restrain her while the heart rate monitor raged out of control, "She's unconscious!" 

"She's like the Hulk!" another answered breathlessly, "Max, give her the sedative!"

"Sedative? What? What's happening?" Xander asked mostly to himself, he now was not even expecting an answer.

"Hurry up man! We gotta stabilize her heartbeat."

"You have to hold her still, I can't get a vein!" the one Xander figured was Max answered.

"We're trying!" the other two responded harshly while doubling their efforts, "You might just have to do it, her heart won't be able to take this much longer!"

"Buffy," Xander whispered, "It's okay baby. I'm here. Everything's fine." he cooed while stroking her hair.

"What was that?" one of the doctors asked when Buffy calmed down suddenly and Max injected the sedative. Xander watched as the heart rate monitor resumed a steady ping and Buffy resumed a seeming restful state.

"I've never seen anything like that. Ever." Max exclaimed while they walked out of Buffy's room. Xander looked after them briefly then rested his hand on top of Buffy's, "Hi there," he whispered stroking it gently with his thumb. Xander starred down at her unmoving form and then leaned in, pressing his lips to the left side of her mouth then moving his head down to her ear, "Can you hear me?" he whispered.

Xander jumped a little in surprise when Buffy groaned lightly while turning her head slightly towards the side he was standing at. "I need you back." he continued in her ear, "I need you to wake up Honey. Can you do that? Please Buff."

"lex." Came the muffled reply. Xander stood back shocked that she could hear him She's the only one who can. "aex. Alex." Buffy groaned again while he watched her eyes open slowly.

"Oh God." Xander breathed as Buffy stared at him through half closed eyes, "I'm going to get someone. A doctor." he told her and she looked at him with a confused gaze before her tears started to fall.

Xander was at her side immediately, "It's alright. I'm here. I won't leave you." he whispered while brushing his hand against her bruised cheek.

Buffy shivered and clenched her eyes shut at his touch. Xander stepped back when he noticed the heart rate monitor speed up again and looked down at her, "I'll be right back." He said quietly running out of the room.

"Nurse!" Xander yelled running to the nurse station, "she's awake." he stated pointing towards Buffy's room.

The woman behind the counter continued working on, what Xander saw was a crossword puzzle that was resting on top of patients' charts. 

"Look. I don't know what the hell is going on, but I need you to get a doctor for my wife." He said firmly, "Dammit!" he yelled slamming his fist down on the desk. The nurse didn't look up while she replaced the papers that had blown off the counter.

No one can hear me but Buffy he thought as he backed out of the room, "Joyce!" he called while he turned and ran back to the waiting room. He had expected to be slightly winded when he arrived at the room, but he found that he wasn't. Xander didn't take the time to dwell on that fact as he walked purposefully towards Joyce.

Xander stopped dead in his tracks when he picked up on the cold, formal, conversation that she was carrying on with Giles. "Dear God," he heard Giles breath while putting his head in his hands, "I had no idea."

"You had no way of knowing. I didn't know." Joyce answered in a cold tone despite the tears in her eyes.

"That explains their behavior…I would have never sent…"

"I sincerely hope that Buffy doesn't blame you for losing her child as much as I do." Joyce interrupted in the same tone, "As much as I blame you for me losing mine."

Xander shut his eyes, his mind screaming in protest to the news he had just heard. News that he had no power to reverse. He felt his body start to shake as his world was crashing down around him.

Yesterday he was ecstatic, both he and Buffy were. Their life was perfect. Now…now he didn't know. He didn't know what was happening, but whatever it was he couldn't stop it. Xander was helpless, he hated feeling like that, like he couldn't help himself, like he couldn't help Buffy.

Xander felt his eyes start to sting, but he shut them, he wouldn't allow himself to cry when he needed to be strong for Buffy. He knew that if he let his tears fall he wouldn't be able to stop. "Joyce." he called in a quieter husky voice, but she continued her conversation with Giles. "Joyce." he said again moving to shake her shoulder, "Please listen to me. Buffy's awake, you need to get a doctor."

Joyce merely shrugged her shoulder at his touch. Xander moved to sit in the chair next to a sleeping Dawn. "Buffy's awake." he said again in an almost child like voice more to himself then to anyone else.

"Wha…" Dawn mumbled while she sat up slowly in her chair. Xander's eyes went wide and he stopped himself from reaching out to hug her, "You can hear me?"

Dawn looked around the room trying to find where the whispery version of the familiar voice was coming from, but all she saw was her mother and Giles talking a few chairs away.

"Dawn, Buffy's awake." Xander said again at the girls confused look. Dawn jumped out of her seat causing Joyce to do the same, "Buffy's awake!" she exclaimed running out of the room with Joyce following her and Giles taking up the rear.

Xander sat in the waiting room alone and let his head drop into his hands willing the tears not to fall.

"I've been looking all over for you, Xander." a voice from behind him said, "I never knew you to move that fast."

Xander jumped up and turned around trying to locate who was speaking to him. He turned in a slow circle scanning the area, "Who's there?" he asked in a shaky voice. He caught sight of a blurry object dart to the right of him and he quickly turned to face it. He focused on the figure, which was hard because it seemed to melt and reform with each move, but it seemed to be a person. A woman.

"I bet you want to know what's going on." she stated more than asked while walking up to him.

Xander recognized the voice from his past and squinted his eyes to try to see her face before he asked uncertainly, "Ms. Calendar?" 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 17

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	18. When You Win 18

Title: When You Win (18/

Title: When You Win (18/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: You could sue me, but all I own is a pair of Superman pajama pants and I'm not giving them up. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK, "~8~8~" means dream sequence. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"You can call me Jenny now, Xander. We're all adults." the figure stated, once again moving around the room.

"Alright. Jenny." Xander said trying to follow her movements, "Why can't I see you clearly? You're all blurry? It's kinda giving me a headache."

"You'll see me clearly when you're ready to." she answered. 

"That's great. And it was almost an answer." Xander said sarcastically, "Anyway…I, uh… kind of don't have time to talk right now. My wife just woke up and I need to be in there for her."

"Buffy." Jenny said without a hint of question.

"Buffy." Xander agreed, with the slight smile he always got when he said her name, as he walked to the door of the waiting room.

Jenny was quick to intercept him, and before Xander could turn the corner she appeared in front of him. "You should come with me." she stated as he stopped in front of her.

"I think I'll pass." Xander said trying and failing to step around her, "I mean, my mom always said not to run off with hallucinations of dead people…"

"I'm not a hallucination." Jenny replied calmly while circling him.

"But you are dead?" he questioned skeptically while he followed her with his eyes.

"Yes, for…I guess it would be nine years now."

"Seven." Xander said quietly as he looked down remembering the teacher's death at the hands of Angelus, "It's been seven years."

"Time passes faster there." The ghost told him quickly with a shrug of her shoulders, "don't feel sorry for me Xander. Where we go is much better."

"Firstly, we're not going anywhere. You can go if you'd like, but its not going to be a joint thing. Secondly, where exactly are YOU going to go?" Xander tried to get out calmly.

"You don't find out until its time for you to go there. And, as you probably can guess, I'm here to help you find out."

"Find out what… You know what? I don't want to know. This is crazy." Xander making a quick move to fake Jenny out and then stepping around her with a smile.

"Have you looked at yourself?" Jenny asked reappearing in front of him causing Xander to stop abruptly.

"I've had more important things to do. As you seem to know, my wife's in Intensive Care." Xander replied tiredly hanging his head again.

"You woke up in a hospital room but you're wearing your regular clothes. The ones you wore to the cave." Jenny told him.

"Yeah." Xander said looking down at himself for the first time since he had woken up, he was wearing his khaki cargo pants and yellow Billabong tee shirt, "There're clean." he noticed seeing the lack of blood stains.

"Do you know where you woke up?" Jenny asked again, pressing the subject.

"In a hospital, we covered that… Look, I don't have time for this." He exclaimed as he started walking away again.

"You woke up on a table. Did you look around yourself? Did you look at what you left behind, what's probably still there?"

Xander kept walking and entered the doors of the ICU behind an entering orderly. He saw Joyce, Dawn and Giles standing by the nurses' station and then turned towards Buffy's room. He saw a doctor walk from behind the curtain and towards Joyce. Xander didn't wait to hear what he has to say, but instead started walking towards the room.

"Xander!" he heard Jenny yell from behind him.

"Not now." Xander said turning around to face her with a steady look on his face.

"You can't help her. You know that don't you?" Jenny asked seriously.

Xander merely huffed out a sharp breath and turned around to resume his quest. However, when he turned to face Buffy's room he was blinded by a light so bright that he was forced to take a few steps back and shield his eyes. "What the hell?" he asked while he blinked a few times to adjust his vision and turned around in a small circle, taking in his surroundings. He realized that he was no longer in the hospital, "Where are we?" he asked forcefully when he couldn't see Jenny anywhere around him, "I want to see Buffy."

"She's here." he heard Jenny's voice and turned to face her blurry form. Xander took a few short hesitant steps to stand at her side, "I needed you to see this," Jenny stated staring at the huge stain glass window in front of them before casting her gaze down, "I transported you to limbo until it was time, it's been a few days."

"This cryptic deal didn't work for Angel and it's doing even less for you." Xander stated looking directly at her.

"You're dead." Jenny said simply gesturing to the scene below them..

Xander looked down slowly at the gathering in the church; there were about thirty people that he could tell. He saw all the flowers that were surrounding a polished wooden casket. He heard the distant sound of a priest talking and the muffled sobs, and had no choice but to turn away I've always hated funerals

"You're crazy." he said shaking his head and taking a step away from her.

"You're dead." Jenny answered, "Just like me. This is your funeral."

"I'm not dead!" Xander shouted, "If I were dead would I need you to tell me?!" he asked before turning and running down the steps to the church floor.

"Apparently so." Jenny answered even though Xander couldn't hear her. She then turned around to the balcony again and watched Xander rush into the aisle below.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 18

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	19. When You Win 19

Title: When You Win (19/

Title: When You Win (19/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

I'm dedicating this part to my beta readers Bob R. and Melissa. Thanks for catching all my mistakes:)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Xander slowed his pace to a jog as he made his way down the aisle, noting the people who were seated in the pews. He stopped for a moment to take in each of his friends. His work buddies were sitting in the back of the church, looking out of place in black suits. He felt sorry that they were there, and looking so uncomfortable, but they weren't who he was looking for. He took a few more steps forward and saw Giles.

The Watcher was sitting on an aisle seat in the third row, his eyes red and focused on the scene laid out in front of him. Xander could see Willow sitting next to him, her head resting on Giles' shoulder. Her eyes were clenched shut, but Xander could see the wet streams of tears that were still falling down her face. 

Next to Willow sat Oz. A face Xander hadn't seen for a year, but he still looked the same. He had the same stoic expression on his face that he always wore and his eyes were locked on the same location as Giles' in front of the church.

Because of Oz's unexpected presence, Xander really wasn't surprised when he spotted Cordelia and Wesley sitting a row behind Giles and Willow. He had never really known Wesley, or liked him much, for that matter so when he didn't see tears in his eyes he wasn't surprised. 

Xander figured that he had only come for Cordelia, anyway. She looked like she needed someone. She was sobbing openly with her head resting in her hands so that he couldn't see her face. 

Angel. Xander's heart seethed when he saw the demon in the row, too. He didn't look sad or happy, he just sat there, gripping a white pamphlet in his hands. Xander knew why he was there, too, and the reason made his stomach turn. He was there for Buffy. MY Buffy Xander thought while glaring at the vampire.

Buffy Xander felt like he hadn't seen her in years. He scanned the church again, his eyes grazing over Joyce and Dawn, his mother and father, even his grandfather and some aunts and uncles, the wooden box that held everybody's attention, and finally to the front row in the right of the room. 

It was empty except for one person.

Xander walked slowly to the row directly behind her and stared down, afraid to talk or move. He was not a church-going man, but it seemed that every time he stepped foot in one, he lost control of his motor functions… But maybe it was who he was always in the church with, because the only other time he felt like that was on his wedding day.

He knelt at her side, remembering that day. Remembering how pretty much all the same people were gathered at the same church.

**

…"What are you doing now?" he asked from outside the door of the room Buffy was in. My bride, Buffyhe smiled to himself.

"Makeup." she answered.

"On the floor?"

"I pulled the mirror from the table. Now I can get ready and talk to you at the same time."

Xander could hear Buffy's smile in her voice. "So you're not dressed yet?" he asked while taking a seat on the floor with his back resting against the door.

"I'm sitting on the floor. You think I'd sit on the floor in my wedding dress?"

"Well, we don't have a lot of time." Xander said smiling. "I just thought you'd be more ready than you are."

"We have forty-five minutes, Xan."

"And you're calm about that. About only having forty-five minutes of being single…"

"Xan, we haven't been single for three years. Unless you have something that you wanna tell me?" Buffy questioned jokingly.

"I know, but I thought it might be harder for you…I mean you can get guys, I've seen you in action…"

"Don't sell yourself short, I've seen you get some guys too."

"That was your fault. You picked out those clothes and then you left me in the…"

"I'm just waiting for Wills and Mom to come in and help." Buffy's muffled voice interrupted through the door. She had heard that story everyday for a month and had stopped laughing at it after the first four days.

"You need help?" Xander asked accepting the change in subject.

"Just so I don't mess up my hair, or get makeup on the dress…"

"Cuz I've got hands…Hands made for helping." he offered.

"You're offering to help me GET dressed? What have you done with Xander?" Buffy laughed.

"Well, I just wanna see you in the white panties and garter belt…"

"The ones that were in MY underwear drawer?"

"One in the same."

"There's the pervert I know and love."

Xander smiled at her joking statement and readjusted himself of the floor. "But seriously, I can help."

"If I said okay then you'd see the dress, and as Mom, so vigorously put it two days ago, that's bad luck." Buffy said with minor disappointment.

Xander smiled at the memory of Joyce and Dawn coming to the apartment he shared with Buffy two days earlier and insisting that Buffy come home with them until the wedding. Dawn had said, "It's so you guys can't have sex till the honeymoon." Then he had to act as a human shield to protect the teenager from her sister. Both he and Buffy had declined the 'offer' of this pre-marriage separation, but Joyce's 'insisting' included packing Buffy's bag and physically forcing her out of the door. Xander still wondered how the ordinary woman got in the position to move the Slayer against her will, especially when at one point Joyce had actually lifted Buffy off the ground and carried her out the door.

"So what does it look like?" Xander shook himself out of his thoughts and asked of the dress, which he hadn't seen.

"Can I describe it to you?"

"I think so. I mean my first two brides let me help pick them out," Xander said as seriously as he could.

"Maybe that's why you're not with them," Buffy answered, smiling again.

"Maybe." Xander sighed in mock contemplation, "It's a shame. I really liked that first one." Xander said in mock contemplation, "But I haven't seen you in two days. You could at least describe how you look exactly."

"Hey," Buffy defended. "It's not like that was my choice. Mom is freakishly strong."

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Nope."

"Is it white?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A descriptive one. You use a adjective to describe the dress, you college graduate, you."

"Why wouldn't it be white? What are you implying?" Buffy asked annoyed.

"Nothing." Xander defended, "Just in those wedding books you brought home some of the dresses were…off-white. What were you implying that I was implying?"

"It's white." was Buffy's only answer.

"Lying in the House of the Lord!" Xander exclaimed with a laugh.

"Do you want me to call this off?" Buffy shot through the door with a laugh of her own.

"What are you doing now?" Xander asked again.

"I don't know what she's doing, but I know what you're doing," Willow's voice entered the hallway Xander was sitting in, "You're going to stop trying to talk Buffy into letting you in the room and go out front to take some pictures."

"Didn't we hire a photographer for that?" Xander asked while looking up at his oldest friend.

He heard Buffy laugh through the door and he pouted as Willow put on her resolve face.

Xander had no choice, so he pushed himself off the floor and shuffled down the hall…

**

But now it was different. They were smiling and laughing before, not crying and looking ahead with glazed red eyes.

He remembered finally seeing Buffy wearing a white, satiny, flowing gown, and walking towards him like she was floating; not tired, worn, and looking exceptionally pale in contrast to the floor length black dress she was wearing at present.

She didn't look like his Buffy.

Xander took a deep breath, reveling in the scent that was uniquely Buffy, something that he had never been able to pinpoint. He brushed his hand over the hair that had fallen on her shoulder.

Xander watched as she blinked slowly and then turned her head slightly in his direction for a split second. "Buffy." Xander whispered, moving to the front of the pew, still kneeling, to face her.

He gently brought his left hand up and ran it down her shoulder and along her forearm, noting the ragged breaths she was taking. "I'm not dead," he said softly. Xander watched Buffy start to shake slightly and he continued, "I'm right here, Buff. It's ok."

Xander brought his hands up to cup her face lightly. Buffy exhaled a deep breath and shut her eyes as fresh tears started to fall. Xander gently ran his fingers through her hair and then caressed her cheek, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears, lightly tracing over the fading evidence of her broken nose. He noticed that all the signs of the battle she wore in the hospital that night were fading. She wasn't even wearing a cast anymore and where he remembered seeing a bloody gash was now nothing more than a scratch.

Xander traced his thumb lightly over her lips while staring into her eyes, noticing how they were darting almost nervously around the room. "I'm right here, Honey. I'm not going anywhere, I'll never leave you," he whispered again.

Buffy's eyes seemed to lock on his and Xander's breath hitched in his throat at that pain he saw within them. She swallowed deeply and Xander moved so that their faces were mere centimeters apart as he breathed in her breath.

"I'll never leave you," He repeated as Buffy's eyes closed again and he moved slowly to close the distance between their lips.

Suddenly Buffy's eyes snapped open and she turned her head to the side. Xander stopped and dropped his head at her action. "Buffy," he pleaded. "I love you."

"Buffy." Xander heard Angel's quiet, solemn voice beckon HIS wife. Xander raised his eyes to watch Angel reach out his hand and rest it on Buffy's shoulder, his other moving under her forearm to pull her to her feet.

Buffy rose slowly, never taking her eyes off the casket in the front of the room. Xander got to his feet and moved to face his wife again, but instead he found himself watching the vampire rest his hand against the small of Buffy's back as he turned her to lead her out of the emptying church.

Xander watched in disbelief as Angel guided Buffy down the aisle, like a twisted version of his own worst nightmare, until they reached Giles. Xander smiled to himself as he realized that the sun was shining brightly outside and smirked when Angel relinquished his hold on Buffy to Giles so that she could be led outside. Xander watched the vampire wait until the church was empty and then lift a heavy rug that covered a drain in the foyer of the church so that he could slip into the sewers.

He saw Jenny moving behind him out of the corner of his eye. "Do you believe me now?" she asked when he didn't turn to face her. Xander didn't answer, but instead turned his gaze to one of the pamphlets that was left in a pew. It had his picture on it. Written in script below it was:

In Loving Memory of

Alexander Lavelle Harris

October 11, 1980 – June 9, 2006

Jenny followed his line of vision while waiting for an answer. All she got was Xander running out of the church in Buffy's direction.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 19

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	20. When You Win 20a

Title: When You Win (19/

Title: When You Win (20a/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

July 13, 2006 ~ One month later ~

Xander sat on the couch in his living room and watched her. 

Buffy had assured her mother that everything alright and despite the adamant protest she received she left the house on Revello Drive for the first time that month. As far as Xander knew, this was the first time Buffy had been in their home overnight since the fight. She had only come over before with Dawn and Willow to pick up some clothes before going to Joyce's'.

Xander had been sitting and watching Buffy for the last three hours as she sat on the floor in the corner of the now dark room surrounded by old photos. She had broken down as soon as she opened the door and rummaging through a decade of old pictures hadn't helped.

So he watched her sob quietly against the wall while clutching their wedding portrait to her chest.

Xander silently debated going to sit next to her and trying to offer comfort, he had never been able to just sit and watch her cry. But he decided against it since every time he touched her or spoke to her she would get hysterical. She would scream and fight anyone who tried to touch her. He remembered seeing Giles get a black eye for his efforts.

It must have scared Joyce as much as it did him because she had forced Buffy into therapy directly after that incident. Xander would never figure out how she had forced the Slayer to do anything, but he was glad that she had. Not that it mattered all that much. Now Buffy would just take pills before she cried herself to sleep.

In fact, Xander had noticed that the most Buffy would talk was when she was having a fit. He thought back to the week of their anniversary. Buffy hadn't left her room, let alone said a word to anyone. It made him almost glad when she was crying because it was the only time he could tell that she was really alive.

Xander sighed as he pushed himself off the couch and glanced at Buffy before making his way upstairs. He walked into their dark room and looked around. It looked exactly the same as it did the night of the fight down to their discarded pajamas that were scattered on the floor.

"She's not taking this well." Jenny stated, gliding into the room behind Xander, adding more light. He figured that she had just gotten there, she had a habit of sneaking up on him.

"'Not well'. And the award for the understatement of the year goes to…" he responded dryly while sitting down on his side of the bed. "I mean, I wasn't expecting her to be skipping and singing, but she's…"

"Dying." Jenny interrupted him.

Xander glared at her. "I just want MY Buffy back."

"You don't have a Buffy anymore." Jenny stated simply, "And if you ever want her back you have to leave. She can't move on with you here. And if she can't move on she'll…"

"She'll what? Die. Buffy'll die if I don't leave."

"Simply put."

"If I disappear there'll be no coming back. I promised her that I'd never leave her."

"You didn't disappear Xander, you only died. You'll see Buffy again if you let her finish living." Jenny said in a steady voice.

Xander only sighed and laid back on his pillow.

"She can hear you," Jenny continued, "let her hear you say good bye and then walk away."

"Oh yeah? That's all I have to do… Just say goodbye and walk away. That should be easy considering THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM HER EVER IN MY LIFE!" Xander said in a loudly sarcastic voice. "What was I thinking, trying to help the woman I love."

"And you think you're helping her? When people take antidepressants after a conversation with you, they're better off not talking with you, right?" Jenny said, starting to get angry. "Look, I'm just saying…"

"I know what you're saying." Xander interrupted, "You're telling me to leave her and I've never been able to do that. Ever. I don't plan on starting now."

"You're unbelievably selfish. If you loved her as much as you claim you would…"

"I would what. Don't question how much I love her. You don't know me, you don't know us." Xander said in a dangerously low voice.

"You shouldn't interrupt people so much." Jenny commented calmly while eyeing him on the bed. "I know you hate what I'm saying but I…" she was stopped short as the bedroom light flicked on.

Jenny turned and Xander sat up to see Buffy standing in the doorway surveying the room, still gripping the wedding photo.

"You should leave." Jenny stated simply while gliding out of the room.

Xander ignored her and instead crawled across the unmade bed to Buffy's side and watched as she shuffled slowly into the room.

Buffy lay the picture down beside Xander and let her fingers trail slowly down the glass of the frame before she bent to pick up Xander's old flannel pants from the floor. 

Xander studied the woman in the photo compared to the one who was now changing into his old clothes. Her once clear green eyes were now puffy and red, her hair was longer then usual and was uncharacteristically stringy, and she had lost so much weight that her own clothes didn't even fit her anymore. 

He watched Buffy pull the drawstring so the pants all the way on the pants and still have to physically hold them up as she retrieved the picture and carried it to the desk on Xander's side of the room.

Buffy opened the top desk drawer and took out a small leather bound notebook that Giles had given her for Christmas one year. He had said it was so she could record the events of her patrols, since she rarely reported back to him. But Buffy never did. Xander knew that she didn't keep journals anymore, she had said that she stopped doing that the summer after she sent Angel to Hell. She hated to write things down. But now she sat at the desk writing in the journal for the first time.

Xander slid off the bed and crept to her right side where he knelt and watched as her shaky hand scrawled her word onto the paper.

-Journal-

My shrink told me to start writing in you. That's the only reason I am. They're all starting to think that I'm crazy, just because I won't talk to them. They don't understand that I've got nothing left to say, and if I did they wouldn't understand anyway. How can I explain what's going on with me when I don't even know. I don't know anything anymore really, except that it was my fault. That I failed him in ever way imaginable; I let him die. I let his child die. I destroyed his life. My 'doctor' says that I blame myself, but how could I not. I mean that's an easy judgement call for her, she doesn't have to live my life. She just sits there in that chair dissecting me, studying me, judging me, pretending to understand why I can't even breathe anymore. She wasn't there when I let him die. Let him die. They keep saying that 'Xander died' and correct me when I say differently. To me it's more like 'when I got him killed' because that's what happened, I killed Xander. The 'Xander died' line is just a ploy, they want to forget. They want me to forget, that's what this is about. They want 'their Buffy' back. He's already their past… --

Xander glanced up at her as her tears fell onto the pages, smearing the black ink. "I'm right here, Buffy. You don't have to forget." he said while moving his hand to rest over hers, noticing the silver bracelet that was still attached to her wrist. 

Buffy shut her eyes when she heard his voice again and Xander noticed her arm shaking under his hand. "Write this for me, Buff." he said taking a deep breath. "This is Xander." he said as Buffy's hand moved shakily over the paper.

-- THSS ANDER --

Xander looked up at Buffy who was staring at what she had just written with tears in her eyes. "I still exist," he continued. He noticed Buffy's shaking hand as it was poised above the paper. "Please Buffy. Write it." he pleaded while re-concentrating n his hand, and repeating. " I still exist."

-- I STL XST --

Xander smiled down at the page and then up at Buffy, but his smile faded when he saw the look in her eyes. He jumped back as Buffy let out a feral scream. "NOOOOOO!!!!!" she wailed as she tore the page from the journal and shredded it. "NO!!" Buffy screamed again as she jumped form the seat and turned to grab the chair, throwing it against the opposite wall where it broke and shattered around the room. "You're not here!" she sobbed grabbing the photo from the desk, "You're not! You never will be again!" she repeated throwing it against the wall where the glass in the frame shattered before the photo hit the ground. 

Xander sat and watched as Buffy ransacked the room, flinching at the sounds of the furniture being broken and her sobbing screams. "I can't do this anymore." Buffy said in a shaky voice as she backed out of the room, "I can't."

Xander stood up to follow her, but by the time he reached the steps he heard the front door slam closed, leaving him in the dark house alone.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 20a

"I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this"-- John Madden ("The Replacements")

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	21. When You Win 20b

Title: When You Win (20b/

Title: When You Win (20b/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"That went well." Jenny commented to Xander when he stepped onto the porch. Xander ignored the comment and jumped down the steps, surveying the street for any sing of Buffy. "I have to find her." he said while turning to face Jenny, who had moved to sit on the steps. 

"Why?" she asked simply.

"What do you mean 'why'?" Xander snapped, "She's hysterical. She'll get herself killed."

Jenny regarded him for a moment, "And that wouldn't be better then her slowly being driven insane by the ghost of her husband?"

Xander narrowed his eyes at his former teacher, not liking at all how insensitive she was being about this whole situation, "Look, I want this to be over as much as you do, if not more. I've hated watching her like this for the last month…"

"I got how much you hate this by the way you've insisted on haunting her and all. Must be tearing you up inside." Jenny smirked.

Xander felt something inside him snap at that comment and he shut his eyes to keep the building rage at bay. "I hate that she feels this way because of me, but I can't leave. I wish that I could, but I can't. Not now, I can't leave her like this."

"You seem to think that if you just pretend that you're still living and breathing that it'll actually happen again." Jenny shot at him. "You think that if you wish it hard enough, your eyes will open and you'll wake up in bed with your arms around her, AND THAT WON'T HAPPEN. You're dead Xander. You're gone."

"Just tell me which way she went before something happens to her." Xander whispered.

"You couldn't stop it if it did. And personally. I wish something would just put her out of her misery, end her quicker than you're doing it." Jenny knew she was being harsh, but she needed to get the point across now, before Xander got his wife killed.

"I'm going to find her," Xander said in a low voice, "but if you'd help me I'd get done quicker…we could leave sooner."

Jenny looked at his defeated form as he stood at the base of the steps, "She ran that way." Jenny answered pointing to an area to the left of the house. "Maple Hill's that way isn't it?" she stated more than asked.

Xander knew why Buffy would go there, it was where he was buried; Buffy went up there everyday. He took off in a sprint towards the cemetery, hoping that she would be alright, at least physically. Buffy was in no condition to have to fight any creature of the night, and having a weak Slayer in a cemetery at midnight was like baiting a hook.

Xander reached the main gate of the cemetery and noticed that it was pushed open a crack, but it was still enough space for him to squeeze through. He tread up the familiar pathway to the top of the hill and looked to his right. He saw Buffy, still clad in his pajamas kneeling on front of his granite headstone, just like he had seen her do everyday since his funeral.

He was thankful that he didn't see any demons lurking around, because if one attacked Buffy would almost surely lose. "I can't leave her here." Xander whispered, sensing Jenny's presence behind him on the path.

"If you wanted to you could." Jenny answered tiredly, "When you're ready to stop hurting her, you'll leave."

"I never want to hurt her." Xander whispered more to himself than to Jenny before he plodded onto the grass and walked slowly towards Buffy.

When he reached her he knelt beside her and stared at her face, doing his best to take in her features in the dark night. He remembered how she used to shine at night, and noted how that was not the case anymore. Xander watched as she traced her fingers lightly over his name as it was engraved in the stone.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered shakily.

"It's not your fault." Xander answered in the same tone while bringing his hand up to brush some of her loose hair behind her ear.

At his first touch Buffy let loose the loudest, most blood curdling scream he had ever heard as she pushed herself away from his grave. He sat back on the ground as her crying and screaming continued and watched her curl up on her side on the ground. 

Xander stayed a good distance away from Buffy until she quieted down, even though she didn't move from the position in the dirt. He stayed there watching her until dawn broke, the only sounds breaking the silence being Buffy's occasional choked sobs.

As the sky lit up Xander rose to his feet and looked around. Even though he couldn't protect her, he couldn't just leave her in a cemetery at night. Not at night, but now he would.

He looked behind him and saw Jenny appear on the pathway. "I don't want to hurt her." He called to out to her.

"Then don't." Jenny answered.

"What do I do?" Xander asked.

"Walked with me." Jenny responded, reaching out her hand to him.

Xander slowly walked up to her and stared at her outstretched hand. He cast a look at Buffy who was still curled up on the ground and whispered, "I love you," before turning to look Jenny in the eyes. Xander tentatively reached out his hand and grasped her firmly and the world faded from around him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 20b

"I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this"-- John Madden ("The Replacements")

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	22. When You Win 20c

Title: When You Win (20c/

Title: When You Win (20c/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This isn't cliché at all Xander thought as he followed Jenny down the long dark tunnel. The only light in the passageway was shining at the very end, and even after, what felt like hours of walking, they hadn't reached it yet.

The silence was killing him, neither had said anything since he had left Buffy in the cemetery, and each step he took made him contemplate turning and running back to her. Every so often Xander would look back in the direction that they had come in only to find that it was endless, black, empty space.

"This is better for her." he heard Jenny whisper, the sound reverberating through the empty air. 

"Are we almost there?" Xander asked changing the subject. He couldn't think about his wife crying on the ground and still have the strength to keep walking in the opposite direction.

Xander was shaken out of his thoughts when he felt Jenny pull her hand from his. He was in awe of how she could have no definite shape, but still feel solid. She had been the anchor that kept him walking forward, and now she was making him stand on his own.

Jenny simply looked at him and Xander knew what he had to do. He had to finish this journey alone. "I have to keep walking?" Xander asked gesturing towards the light with a tilt of his head.

"I'll see you there." Jenny said in response.

"I'm going then." Xander said while he turned to face the darkness behind them, "Here I go."

Jenny was waiting, looking at him expectantly. Xander shut his eyes as he turned back towards the light, he was going to do this. His legs started carrying forward before his mind could even fully comprehend what was happening.

When Xander opened his eyes he found that he had covered more distance in the last few minutes than he had in hours of walking with Jenny. He was running, but he couldn't feel his feet hitting the ground, and he couldn't stop if he wanted to. And as the light got brighter, he realized that he didn't want to stop. Something about what was happening now felt right.

Xander shut his eyes again, against the now blinding light as his legs kept pushing him forward. He kept running until he felt something , really felt something that was real and solid for the first tie in more than a month. He felt it moving and shifting underneath his feet, like it was real. Like he could hold it.

He recognized the feel of it. It was sand. It was warm, like it had just been exposed to the dawn sun. Xander dropped to his knees and opened his eyes, taking in the blinding white of it. He reached his hands into it, scooping it into the air and watching as it sifted through his open fingers. As it fell back to the ground Xander took in the scene before him.

Xander watched as the clear blue pristine water lapped at the shore in small waves. Behind that Xander saw lush, green, rolling hills that led to a rocky cliff that had a small waterfall emptying into the bay. He saw the bright orange ball of sun that was breaking over the hills, lighting the sky a brilliant shade of bright blue.

He scanned the cloudless sky and noticed the healthy palm trees at his sides as he pushed himself to his feet and took a step forward towards the shore. Xander looked down at himself and noticed his unchanged attire; still the yellow tee shirt and baggy cargo pants that he wore the night he died. They seemed out of place here.

His thoughts were interrupted as a gentle breeze blew off of the water and misted his face with the bay water. Xander shut his eyes and just breathed in the light saltiness of the air. This was his heaven.

It was a secluded Hawaiian beach that was a half-hour walk from his and Buffy's hotel on their honeymoon. He couldn't pronounce the bay's real name, but he would always recognize it by sight. He thought it kind of weird that the bell hop had told him about it, but he was glad that he had, when he saw it, it took his breath away. Xander liked to pretend that he and Buffy had discovered it, that it had been created solely for them. He even renamed it for her, it wasn't original, but he called it 'Buffy's Bay'. They went there everyday that week and never saw anyone else even tread its sands. They had spent hours laying on the warm sand, talking and planning, playing in the light surf, just being as close as they could get to each other.

"It's beautiful here." Jenny's voice broke through Xander's memories, causing him to open his eyes. She had moved to stand next to him as he watched the water lap at the shore.

"It's Heaven." Xander stated simply, still looking at the water, "We were going to come here again. For Christmas. It was going to be my surprise present to her."

"This was real?" Jenny asked, kicking at the sand. Xander watched as the grains scattered as the result of her swing, "Buffy's Bay." he answered, "I called it that. I wanted us to live here." Xander chuckled to himself at the insaneness of the idea.

"It would have been nice." Jenny agreed.

"Yeah." Xander answered as he started to walk down the beach. "How come there's no animals here?" he asked changing the subject.

"You can have anything you want here. You're making this place." Jenny said, moving to catch up with his retreating form.

"I want Buffy here." Xander replied without looking at her.

"If you're willing to settle for a pelican, you might be in luck."

"I guess I have to take what I can get." Xander said quietly, turning his gaze to the sky. His lips cracked into a smile as he heard a squawk and a pelican sliced through the blue sky.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 20c

"I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this"-- John Madden ("The Replacements")

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	23. When You Win20d

Title: When You Win (20d/

Title: When You Win (20d/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Joyce raced down the hospital corridor reliving in her mind the last time she had done the exact same thing. Only this time it was 8 AM, and she had been woken by a call from the hospital. "I'm looking for Buffy Harris. She was bought in this morning." Joyce said as calmly as she could.

Joyce waited patiently while the nurse at the station typed in the information, "Room 715. Seventh floor on the left side of the hall." came the reply.

"Thank you," Joyce said as she walked towards the elevator. I knew it was a mistake to let her walk out of that door last night she chastised herself, She could've gotten herself killed

She walked slowly into room 715 and immediately saw Buffy. She had no roommate so the dividing curtain was open, and the TV wasn't on. There was dead silence in the room and Joyce knew that Buffy had to be able to hear her footsteps on the linoleum floor.

Buffy made no movements, except for steady shallow breathing, as Joyce moved to stand in front of her. Buffy was laying on her side, staring out of the open curtain to the right of her bed.

"Do you want to tell me what happened Buffy?" Joyce whispered in the manner she did when Buffy was a child. She always recalled those answers being 'Jason pulled my hair' or 'Beth took Mr. Gordo', they were always problems that Joyce could fix. Now she got no answer.

Joyce pulled a chair up to her daughter's bedside and took a seat, "Buffy, I can't help you unless you talk to me." She still got no answer so she continued, "I shouldn't have let you go back to that house last night. You aren't ready." 

Buffy merely blinked.

"She's not talkative." A new voice sounded into the room, "You wouldn't believe how long it took to find out her name."

"It feels horrible that I'm getting used to it." Joyce smiled sadly, moving her hand to run her finger through Buffy's hair.

"Dr. Foster recognized her, so we were able to access her charts. I'm Dr. Gordon, you can call me Tom."

"Joyce." She identified herself before turning her attention back to Buffy.

"A groundskeeper found her sleeping in the grass in a cemetery." Tom said.

"Maple Hill." Joyce said more than asked.

"Yeah. She wasn't talking so…"

"Can I take her home now?" Joyce interrupted the young doctor.

"Yeah. Yeah." He nodded, not pressing the subject, "Just get her to eat something okay, but other than that she's free to go."

"Thank you." She said, moving to the closet next to the window to get Buffy's clothes.

-- 20 minutes later --

There was dead silence in the car as Joyce drove Buffy home. Every so often she would cast a quick glance at her daughter as she sat looking straight ahead with glazed eyes. She looked incredibly small in the oversized tee shirt and pants that Joyce had found in the hospital closet. She knew that they had belonged to Xander. 

"I don't know what to do Buffy." Joyce exasperated, "You don't talk, you don't eat, you don't sleep. I don't even know if you're there anymore." She waited for Buffy to respond, but she didn't. "I need you to talk to me, Honey. It'll help if you just get everything out. I know that you hate talking about things… especially like this, but you have to. You won't be doing this alone if you let me in…let somebody in."

Buffy still said nothing.

"We all miss you. We all understand…we all loved Xander." Joyce watched as Buffy's chin began to tremble and her eyes widened in an attempt to fight back her tears.

"You don't understand." Buffy whispered in a choked voice.

Joyce gasped at her daughters words, surprised that they had been given willingly, "So then explain it to me Buffy. I want to know."

"I…I can't not be with him. I love him." was all Buffy said.

"We all did."

"I still do. He…" Buffy trailed off and retreated back into herself, resuming her trance.

Joyce cursed to herself as the conversation, or what was beginning to be the first conversation she had had with her daughter in a month, ended. "I want you to talk to Dr. Webber today then." Joyce spoke of the psychologist.

"Take me home." Buffy responded.

"I am." Joyce answered as she turned onto Revello Drive.

"My home. Alex's home." Buffy said, her voice growing louder.

"Buffy, I want you to move back in with myself and Dawn…"

"I want to go home."

"That house isn't healthy for you. And with you not working and Xander gone…"

"Let me out." Buffy interrupted, pulling at the door handle.

"I can't afford two homes, plus your doctor bills…"

"LET ME OUT NOW!" Buffy shrieked as she punched the passenger side window hard, causing a spider web crack to form.

Joyce flinched at the sound of the strike and slammed on the breaks while Buffy struggled to unlock her door. "You think that I'm crazy!" Buffy yelled as she forced all of her diminishing weight against the car door.

"Look at how you've been acting!" Joyce yelled back as she started driving again, trying to get down the rest of the street to her home.

"You're trying to force me out of my home! The only thing I have left! You probably want to lock me up! You know you do! You've all planned this!" Buffy continued yelling while Joyce pulled into the driveway.

"We're not planing anything, Buffy. Please… We just want you back. I want you back. You're alive…Xander wouldn't want you to be living like this." Joyce pleaded as Buffy stopped her struggle.

Joyce immediately pulled her broken daughter into her arms and held her sobbing form. "It's alright Buffy. Just let it out." she whispered. She held her daughter, the Slayer, for almost an hour in the car while she cried more tears than Joyce thought possible. 

She held her until Buffy pulled away, her eyes puffy and red, her long hair matted to her face, held there by the tears that had streamed down only moments earlier. Joyce let her go to open her door and then ran around the front of the car to Buffy's. She opened it and prepared to help her out of the car, but Buffy didn't accept it.

She got out of the car on her own and stood, surveying the street that she'd moved away from two and a half years ago. It wasn't her home anymore. Buffy turned to look at her mother, who was reaching out to guide her into the house and stepped back.

She turned and sprinted down the sidewalk as fast as her overly baggy pants would allow, leaving her mother standing in the driveway. Buffy needed to get back to her home, to face whatever was there, and if it broke her…she welcomed it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 20d

"I've seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this"-- John Madden ("The Replacements")

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	24. When You Win 21

When You 21

Title: When You Win (21/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13/R (maybe) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

Also…Thank you Melissa for beta reading this, and to Shawn for proofreading J 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Xander flounced over a small sand dune and slid into a sitting position at the edge of the water. He hadn't seen Jenny in over…well he didn't really know, because there didn't seem to be time where he was, and his watched had stopped at 10:06. He figured that that was the time he'd died. He thought it funny that of all the things that he could do or create in the paradise, he wanted the only two things that he couldn't have. Buffy. And the ability to just sit and watch the seconds tick by.

He turned his gaze towards the sky and focused on the pelican overhead. It'd been following him and squawking…and was starting to annoy him to the point where he wished he'd invented something that ate pelicans.

Xander listened to the waves lapping at the shore and wondered what was happening back in Sunnydale; and more importantly, what Buffy was doing back in Sunnydale. Maybe she'd gotten better since he'd left, stopped taking whatever pills the doctor had given her, maybe she'd even started patrolling again. He shut his eyes and laughed to himself. How could he expect her to do that, if she'd died he'd be catatonic, too. Hell, he was the dead one and he felt the same way she did.

Xander smiled as he let Buffy's image overflow his senses. It was like in his mind he could feel her all around him, he could run his fingers through her soft hair, and he could see her smiling…

**

Xander moved closer to the wall as Buffy stretched out more. He couldn't sleep like this. 

First he had given up his side of the bed for her. Granted that was two months ago, and he had asked which side she wanted, but he still missed the outside. And now, this woman, who couldn't be taller than 5'3 was stretched across more than half the queen-sized mattress, not to mention the fact that she had thrown all the covers over him. So now Xander had two feet of room across and was buried under six feet of cottony warmth, which now closely resembled his idea of hell.

He lifted his head to look over the cloth mountain and glanced at her. Buffy was sleeping on her stomach in a blue tank top and a pair of his old boxers. She had her right arm folded under her head and her left leg was folded almost to her chest, but then stretched so that her foot was planted firmly on his hip. That was Xander's problem with his current sleeping situation.

Xander didn't know how anybody could sleep like that, and tried to rationalize that he would be doing her a favor by waking her up, but, begrudgingly, decided against it. He knew that she had been tired when she had gotten back after a two hour patrol and then the hour long make out session that they had engaged in afterwards seemed to take whatever energy that she had left out of her.

Xander thanked God that it was Saturday and that he didn't have to go to work in the morning as he rolled onto his side and shut his eyes. But he was forced to quickly revert his position when Buffy's foot pushed right into his…

He flopped onto his back again, and angrily threw all the covers onto the floor, solving, at least, one of his problems. The new flurry of movement, surprisingly, didn't disturb Buffy, but it did do something that Xander loved. It caused a flood of his beds new scent to bombard his nostrils. It only took two months of her sleeping in it to make his bed smell like, what he called a 'Cavern of Buffyness'.

Xander propped himself up on his elbow so he could get a better view of her sleeping form. He took great pride in the fact that he now knew all of Buffy's faces, his personal favorite being the one she wore now. Her deep sleep face. It was just a little more relaxed than the one she wore just before she woke up.

He couldn't help the smile that formed at the fact that she let him see her like this. It takes so much trust to let yourself sleep so soundly in the presence of another, to have your guard down completely for over eight hours.

Xander reached out his right hand to brush some of Buffy's hair out of her face. He ran his fingers lightly over her hairline and gently tucked it behind her ear. His hand snapped back suddenly when the move caused Buffy to emit the loudest snore/snort that he'd ever heard…from anybody, including Willow, who was famous for snoring loud enough to wake herself up.

He chuckled to himself when the noise didn't wake Buffy up and instead she just turned her body the other way. Xander lay back down, basking in the new found space, preparing himself to go to sleep, but after a few minutes found himself turned on his side and spooned behind his girlfriend, his arm fitting securely around her waist.

He lay still for a few minutes before he felt her arm come to rest over his. "I can't sleep with you breathing your hot nostril air all over me." Buffy giggled sleepily.

"Well, I can't sleep with you impersonating a fog horn and your foot in my butt, so I guess we're even." Xander whispered back.

"Nobody told you to sleep in here." She didn't sound embarrassed about her snoring, Xander could hear the smile in her voice, "You could've slept on the couch, or the floor…"

"I'll put you on the floor." Xander grinned as he started tickling her sides.

Buffy let out a squeal as she flipped onto her other side so that she was facing him and grabbed his wrists, holding his hands together.

"Hey," Xander protested, "You're not allowed to go all super hero when I get the upper hand." His smile faltered, however, when he noticed Buffy studying him contently, and without warning she leaned in and kissed him gently.

Buffy still stayed very close when she pulled away, "Xander." she whispered, her voice full of emotion as she traced her fingers over his face.

"Huh?" he squeaked out nervously, causing Buffy to laugh a little.

"Do you ever think about…things?" she asked sounding wide-awake and a little embarrassed.

"I think about things 85% of the day, the rest of the time I'm just staring blankly at the walls." Xander offered with an unsure smile.

"Us things." Buffy clarified; uncertain of how to bring up the topic she wanted to talk about, "Things that we do."

Xander continued to look confused even though he knew what she was trying to talk about, but he couldn't figure out why. They had agreed to wait. He realized that that decision had been made four months ago, and that that was a long time ago considering that they had known each other for six years, but he didn't want to rush their first time together any more than she did. He thought they were both fine with that.

"I like the 'us' things that we do." Xander whispered to her.

"Me too." Buffy grinned reassuredly before kissing him again, only longer this time. Her lips left his and she kissed up the side of his face so that she could speak directly into his ear. "You mean everything to me." she whispered shyly. 

Xander tried to think of some comeback for that, but before he could open his mouth Buffy was speaking again, "I want everything with you."

His heart jumped into his throat and Buffy kissed him on the side of his head, "I want you."

"You have me." He was able to whisper finally, still partially refusing to accept what Buffy was suggesting.

He was forced to accept it, however, when Buffy kissed him again on the lips and said clearly, "I want to make love to you. Tonight."

"Today." Xander corrected in a choked voice, sounding nervous because the fact that this was Buffy still got to him, "Since it is after mid…"

Xander was cut off again by Buffy's lips and he didn't protest. He wanted this. He wanted this with her. And he could feel Buffy grin against his mouth as he laid them back down…

**

Xander's eyes snapped open as he felt something wet slide down his arm causing his memory of Buffy to evaporate into nothing. He looked down at the offending moisture, "GROSS!" Xander yelled as he shot up and started flinging his arm around. He looked back up at the sky to the bird, "You pooped on me!" he yelled, "I create you and you poop on me!"

"Maybe that's what you needed to refocus yourself on the present." He heard Jenny laugh from in front of him, and he turned to face her. Xander watched on in disbelief as she approached him, walking on the water of the bay.

He walked to the edge of the shore and stepped into the water, "You're clear." he pointed out.

"Yeah," Jenny examined her now clearly defined arms, "I noticed that too. What happened?"

"Guess I woke up and smelt the crap. It was a real eye opener." Xander nodded, briefly glaring at the pelican, "How are you doing that?" he asked pointing to Jenny's feet as they stood on top of the water.

"It's easy." she smiled, " If you want to do it, it'll be done."

"That's very 'Field of Dreams-esque and all, but…"

"Just do it Xander." Jenny interrupted, "You always try to prance around the bigger issues with some dumbass joke."

"You do realize that you're trying to convince me that I can walk on water here, right? And dumbass? Somebody's a pottymouth in the heavenly realm."

"If you won't try," Jenny exasperated, rolling her eyes, "Then you won't get there." She said pointing to the top of a hill in the distance.

Xander looked at the object that sat atop it with wide eyes, "The house." he was barely able to whisper.

"Yeah," Jenny agreed, "But I can't get into it without you, and I'm curious as to why…"

"That's our dream house," Xander said as he wadded into the water, "I had the blueprints all drawn out…"

"Impressive," Jenny nodded, "And here I thought you were just a bricklayer."

Xander ignored her so she kept talking, "Now if you'll just cooperate we'll be there in two winks of an eye."

"Right." Xander said focusing on the water, "Walk on water." He whispered, "I want to walk on water."

Jenny reached out her hand to grasp Xander's and he was easily pulled up to a standing position next to her, "Lets go." He said determinedly as he let go and took a large stride forward.

As soon as he let go of her hand Xander sank like a rock, and he could hear Jenny's water muffled laugh as he stood on the ocean floor. "Very helpful." he gurgled sarcastically and watched the bubbles rise to the surface before he started walking again. "Now, thanks to you, I'm going to lose my nomination for Jesus."

"And the elections were in two days. That's too bad… Listen Xander, I told you to concentrate. You can't do this if you're thinking about everything else but what you have to do. And by everything else I mean…"

"At least I can't die." Xander cut her off as he pushed himself through some seaweed. 

"Do you want to do this?" Jenny asked her eyes focused on the house.

"Yes. I do." Xander answered and felt himself floating to the surface. "I want to do this." He smiled as he broke through the surface a few yards ahead of Jenny, "So stop holding me up." He took off in a sprint across the water.

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

"Wow," Jenny commented, looking around the large living room that was one step up form the front door. "This place is…big."

"Yeah," Xander called form the marble stairwell to the left of the door, "It's great, isn't it? Buffy and I designed it. Well, I designed it, she mostly did the decoration schemes."

Jenny watched Xander climb the rest of the stairs and run through a fairly large sitting area at the top before climbing more stairs and disappearing form view. She walked through the room and eyed its contents, noting the furniture and the painted pictures that hung on the walls. 

She ran her hand along the wall as she made her way through a doorway in the back of the room and walked down a carpeted hall, her eyes grazing over several frames containing blurry pictures adorning the walls. She decided that she would ask Xander about that later as she found herself in another large room. This one contained a huge flat screen TV in front of a white leather couch and two big matching recliner chairs. In the back of the room was a large circular glass table with a huge china cabinet behind it.

Jenny walked around the room, "If this is the downstairs…"

"It's just like the plans." Xander exclaimed as he ran into the room from another entrance.

"My compliments to the interior designer," Jenny commented, "but generally architects figure in some windows when they build homes."

Xander sighed and looked around the windowless fairly dark room, "I didn't really notice."

"The lack of windows or the blurry retelling of your life adorning the walls?" Jenny asked sadly.

"Well aren't we Matlock today?" Xander mumbled as he flopped dejectedly into one of the chairs.

"I wonder what you don't want to see." Jenny said out loud, almost as if it was a thought, as she walked over to one of the walls, "Do you have anything to drink?" she asked changing the subject.

Xander stared at her, "There's probably some tap water, but other than that… I mean Buffy and I weren't really supermarket people."

Jenny just looked at him, and he shifted in the chair. She then turned her gaze towards the table and smiled, "Tea?" she asked as she picked up the pot that had appeared on the table and poured herself a cup.

"No thanks." He said quietly as he watched her walk back over to the wall. Jenny grinned at him while she took a sip of her drink and ran her finger along the wall in the shape of a square, and then pushed the middle of the space that she'd just outlined.

Xander jumped up and ran to where Jenny was standing as part of the wall broke free and fell outside. "That's better." She said as she walked over to the glass table and took a seat, "Much more light."

Xander peered out of the now open space to the water below, noticing that the house was seemingly situated over the waterfall. He looked up and saw the view of the beautiful white sand beach across the water, and Jenny smiled as more windows appeared around the room and light flooded the house.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

End Part 21

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	25. When You Win 22

Title: When You Win (22/

Title: When You Win (22/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [absolutxandman@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: R (for the next two parts) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

Author's Note 2: Character death warning.

P.S.- Thanks Melissa for beta reading this.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Hi Joyce," Willow greeted over the phone.

"Willow. Hello." Joyce said tiredly. She had just gotten through a hellish morning with Buffy, and was in the mist of fighting every motherly urge she had to rush over to her daughter's home and drag her out.

"Is everything alright?" Willow asked, concerned at Joyce's tone. The two had become closer after Xander's death mostly because they both needed somebody to talk to.

"No. But it hasn't been for a while now." Joyce breathed and Willow understood.

"Buffy'll be alright. She just needs some more time…"

"I don't think that she will." The older woman said so quietly that Willow almost didn't hear her, "I'm just so scared."

"I can talk to her if you want." Willow offered. She was in the same boat as everyone else in terms of conversations with Buffy, they just didn't happen.

"I know that she's kind of holed up in her own world." Joyce mentally debated whether or not to tell Buffy's best friend about that morning, but decided against it.

"Is she…at home?"

"Yes, she should be. I…tell her I'll come over tonight, Dawn and I, we'll fix dinner. You, Anya, and Giles should come too." Joyce tried to be cheery.

Willow silently pondered why Joyce couldn't tell her daughter that herself, but didn't ask, "Will do Joyce." She said instead, "I'll talk to you later."

Joyce hung up the phone Maybe Willow can get through to her, Buffy has known her as long as she knew Xander. She silently picked up her keys and walked out of the front door. She had to go to the market to get the ingredients for the dinner and she now had an excuse to get out of the empty house.

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Willow pushed number 1 on the 'Magic Box' telephone speed dial. The slip next to the number read 'The Harris'', and she smiled as remembered making that slip the day after her best friends' wedding.

The phone rang four times before it was picked up by the answering machine.

__

"Hello." Xander's voice rang through the store followed by a long pause. 

Willow's breath hitched in her chest as it sounded like her best friend had answered the phone, but then the message continued in Buffy's cheery voice, the one she didn't have anymore.

__

"We're not here…"

"Since when are we a 'we'?" Xander questioned in the background.

__

"So leave a message." She continued ignoring him, and then the high pitched beep that signaled the end of the tape-recorded flashback.

"Uh…" Willow started, still shaken by the message, "Hi Buffy. It's Willow. I, um, I'm at the shop if you…"

"Hello." Buffy said in a low voice as she picked up the phone.

"Oh, Buffy. You're home. That's good."

Buffy didn't say anything but Willow knew that she was still there from the steady breathing that she heard.

"I, um, I talked to your Mom, and she thought that I should call you…just to check up." Willow stammered.

"Yeah, she was pretty freaked after this morning." Buffy answered monosyllabically.

"This morning?"

"I got taken to the hospital, she had to pick me up." Buffy stated simply.

"Are you alright?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Want to tell me why?" Willow asked of the hospital trip.

"No." was the answer her best friend gave her. The refusal hurt Willow since they used to tell each other everything, but she kept talking to avoid the tears.

"Your mom said that she and Dawn are coming over to cook you dinner. The rest of us are coming too. She thinks it'll be good for you…"

"I don't really want any company." Buffy interrupted.

It surprised Willow how her friend could hold the same tone through the whole conversation, and more so the word 'conversation' was being used in the pretext of the phrase 'had with Buffy'. 

The words left Willow's mouth before she knew what she was saying, "You need company. You need something."

"I have to go." Buffy stated.

"You have to go do what? Cry in a corner? Reinstate your vows as a hermit? Refill your Prozac prescription?" Willow cursed herself for saying that to her friend, but was astounded that Buffy didn't hang up.

"How could you say that? You're supposed to be my BEST friend. You have no idea what I'm going through."

"And as your best friend you'd think that you'd tell me. And that I'd tell you what I'm going through. You're not the only who's hurting…who lost someone they loved when Xander died. I tried to be there for you. We all did, but you didn't want any of us . Did it ever occur to you that I need my best friend to help me get through this too?"

"You lost your best friend that night." Buffy said in a low voice.

"Yeah. I did. I lost both of them." Willow stated truthfully, but Buffy ignored her.

"I lost my best friend. My husband. My child. My life. I lost everything, and I don't have anything left to offer you sympathy. I can't be sorry for that."

Willow was about to speak again but was cut off by the soft click of the other line disconnecting. 

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Buffy turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. The room was thick with steam as she had allowed the water to get as hot as she could stand it and then turned it up a little more.

She had grown to covet the time that she spent in the shower. It seemed to be the only time where she could completely let go without having to be sent to her shrink. The pelting stream drowned out her tears and helped her feel. The scalding hot water left her skin red and tender, but it seemed to be the only thing that she could feel anymore. It ended the numbness and reminded her that she was still alive.

Buffy moved across the room and grabbed her towel off of the rack, drying off absently while keeping her eyes focused on Xander's towels. They were arranged in the same haphazard way that he'd left them in before the fight. She sighed at the fact hat she couldn't bring herself to disturb anything that he had touched that night. 

Buffy grasped the slippery doorknob and opened it allowing the steam to fall into the room and she sloshed her way over to the bed. She had forgotten to dry her feet, and still had water droplets streaming down her legs. She just didn't care. She, almost mechanically, began redressing in the pajamas that she had laid out before her shower.

They had been a present from her mother when she and Xander had returned from their honeymoon. The pajamas were powder blue and silky, and Xander had a matching pair that they'd hardly ever worn.

Buffy let her fingers trace over the initials embroidered on the left breast pocket, 'BAH'. Xander's just said 'AH', no 'L'. She had that pair laid out on the bed as well.

Buffy replayed her conversation with Willow in her head as she walked over to the vanity on her side of the room and sat down. Willow had lost her best friend, and Buffy realized that she hadn't even cared about what her friend was feeling. She doubted if she even cared now.

Willow's Xander wasn't dead. Willow's child wasn't dead. Willow wasn't dead inside.

Buffy's Xander was dead. Buffy's child. Buffy.

Her mother and sister were coming over to cook dinner in an hour, but she didn't plan on helping. If Joyce didn't have a key she wouldn't be getting into the house at all.

Buffy began brushing through her still wet hair while focusing on the pictures that she ad lined up in front of the mirror. They were all of her and Xander. All but one was just of the two of them, smiling, laughing, goofing around…the other was of the two of them and Dawn at her mother's house just over two years ago.

She remembered that day, Xander's building was being sprayed for potato bugs, whatever they were, and he had slept at Joyce's for a few days. 

Buffy stopped brushing and picked up the picture, tracing her fingers over Xander's face. She stood up and walked over to the bed and then sat down, leaning against the still cracked headboard and bringing her knees to her chest, never taking her eyes from the picture.

**

"Xan?" Buffy called sleepily as she rolled over in her bed, her hand instinctively reaching into the space where he had been the night before. Finding it empty Buffy sat up, "Xander?" she murmured again while rubbing her hand over her eyes and yawning as she adjusted to the morning light.

Buffy pushed herself out of the bed and walked slowly to her door finding that it was already cracked open Xander must be downstairs already she thought as she stepped into the hall. She started towards the stairs, noticing that her mom's and Dawn's doors were already open, too.

She descended the steps and turned towards the living room when Dawn jumped out in front of her, camera in hand, and took a picture, the flash causing Buffy to take a step back and shield her eyes.

"Say Bed Hair!" Dawn exclaimed as Buffy tried to blink the spots out of her eyes and smooth out her hair as the same time.

"Only if you say Vamp Bait." She growled, making a slower than average grab for her teenage sister.

Dawn jumped back and snapped another picture, "Somebody's cranky in the morning."

"What's with the paparazzi routine?" Buffy asked grabbing the camera form Dawn quickly.

"Mom's taking film to the store so I get to finish that roll." She answered trying to grab the camera back, but failing.

"Take another picture and I break it." Buffy said handing the camera back to her, and another flash went off as soon as it was back in Dawn's hands.

The teenager smiled innocently, "Sorry. And anyway it might be too late. I don't think that Kodak has developed the technology capable of handling you in the morning yet." Dawn laughed and ran upstairs.

Buffy rolled her eyes and padded into the kitchen. She saw Xander standing at the kitchen island wearing only his pajama bottoms, in the mist of squeezing chocolate sauce into a glass of milk. "Hey Sleepy." he grinned without looking up.

Buffy scowled briefly as she remembered when he had came up with that nickname. She had fallen asleep on Giles' couch one day and Willow, in an attempt to make more space, accidentally knocked her on the floor, and she hadn't woken up. She had a justified reason, she was under the affects of a Dormatus demon's sleeping spell, but Xander conveniently forgot that information. Then he had pushed it one step further and said that Sleepy suited her because, in addition to sleeping like a coma victim, she was short like the dwarfs, at which point he got to sleep alone for a week. But now she'd gotten used to the name.

"Morning." she greeted, "Do you want some milk with that?" she asked as he was still squeezing chocolate into the glass.

"Just making chocolate milk Xander style." he smirked.

"They sell that in the store now, its called NesQuik Chocolate Syrup." Buffy laughed while hoisting herself onto the counter and Xander stirred his drink, ignoring her.

"Sleep good?" he changed the subject when he felt Buffy watching him, and she nodded. Xander smiled and turned to out the spoon in the sink and turned back around to grab his glass only to find it was gone. He turned his gaze to Buffy who was gulping down his milk with an innocent look in her eyes.

"Hey," he protested as he moved between her open legs to stand in front of her, "First you mock the milk, then you steal it. That's just wrong."

"I was wrong, this is the best chocolate milk ever."

"I know," Xander whined, "That's why I…" he was cut off when Buffy pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. Xander ran his hands up her thighs and to her lower back where he pulled her closer to himself as he deepened the kiss. He pulled away breathlessly, "You're right. That is the best chocolate milk I've ever made."

Buffy smiled and bit her lower lip as Xander leaned in for another kiss…and a camera flash went off.

"DAWN!" Buffy yelled. Snapping her head around to face her grinning sister and setting the glass down next to her.

"That was the last one!" Dawn exclaimed while backing out of the room, "Promise!"

Buffy jumped off the counter, forcing Xander to take a step back and Dawn let out an 'eek' before running into the living room. Buffy seemingly forgot about Xander and gave chase out of the kitchen.

Dawn tossed the camera onto the couch as she ran by it and crossed the room with her big sister behind her. "Buffy, it was only one picture." She laughed nervously while trying to put a chair between herself and the Slayer.

Buffy ignored her and leapt over the chair, smiling before she began tickling the screaming girl. Buffy laughed too as Dawn fought to stay on her feet, but then stopped her actions when she felt two arms wrap around her waist from behind and lift her off the ground.

Dawn stood up straight, smiling in front of her. 

"I got her Dawnie." Xander said.

"Operation Payback!" Dawn yelled happily as she set her hands in a tickling position and advanced on her trapped sister.

"Nonononononono!!!!" Buffy begged as Dawn started tickling her sides, while she struggled against Xander's hold…and another flash went off.

"MOM!" Buffy yelled…

**

Buffy sat the picture down next to her on top of her husband's pajamas and reached over to her nightstand. She couldn't live like she was and she knew it. She didn't want to live like she was now. Her hand searched the surface of the small table and shut her eyes as her hand found the object and she picked it up.

Buffy's breath came slow and steady, knowing what she was about to do.

The razor. It'd been sitting there for the last two days, just waiting…

For the first time Buffy couldn't feel any tears coming and she opened her eyes to look at the room. To look at what she and Xander had created together and brought the blade to her wrist.

Buffy was shaking despite the calm she was feeling and she bit her lip to try to steady herself as she drew the blade down vertically once, and then a second time on the same wrist before she switched hands. On her left wrist the blade was unsteady because of the blood loss from her other arm where the liquid flowed freely, but she repeated the process.

Buffy's eyes stung as the dark crimson liquid soaked through her pajamas and then the comforter she sat on. She couldn't tell if she lay down under her own power or if she was just unable to sit up any longer, but she found herself on her side. Buffy tried to concentrate on her movements as she forced her arm to stretch across the bed and drape over the picture before she shut her eyes.

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Xander walked around the living room, acknowledging each picture as it clarified before his eyes. Jenny seemed to finally be happy with his progress. She said it meant he was accepting things. But Xander didn't really see that he had a choice in the matter.

He stopped in front of one picture, in particular. It was of himself, Buffy, and Dawn. He smiled at the memory, the same picture was in his home…back on Earth, he supposed was the term that described his past.

He studied it, his eyes focused on his wife. She looked so happy…

But then something drew his eyes away from her face. A dark red droplet coursed from the frame and down the glass before falling to the floor below and then being followed by two others.

"Who's that?" Jenny asked from behind him.

"Dawn. Buffy and Dawn." He answered absently, watching the liquid stream down the glass. Jenny walked up to him and followed his line of vision, gasping in shock at what she was looking at.

"What's happening?" Xander asked as he reached out catching some of the liquid on his fingertips and smearing it around, "I think its blood."

"Are you doing that?" Jenny asked urgently.

"Yeah. You got me." Xander answered sarcastically, "I was just thinking that some blood would really brighten up the white carpet. No, I'm not doing this."

"That's not possible." Jenny said, reaching out and removing the picture from the wall. She ran to the bathroom with Xander in tow and held the framed photo under running water, "Do you have this picture?"

"Yeah, it's right there."

"At home," Jenny amended, "With Buffy. Is it in your home?"

"Yeah, it was in the living room."

"Oh my God," Jenny breathed as she removed the picture from the running water and held it up, watching more blood flow, "Soulmates."

"Huh?" Xander asked confused.

"You and Buffy. You were…are Soulmates." Jenny said is disbelief, "I've never seen a case like this. It's so rare…"

Xander stopped listening and smiled to himself. He was Buffy's Soulmate according to the laws of Heaven. He wished he could but his way back for just one minute so that he could scream that fact in Angel's ear, that he, Xander Harris, was Buffy's Soulmate.

"Why is that picture going all 'Exorcist' though?" he asked instead of singing his happy song.

"I don't know to much about it, but it's coming through from the mortal realm. It's very unusual. It's Soulmate material, the ability to reach each other even through death." Jenny re-emptied the frame into the sink.

"But it is blood." Xander insisted, "Can't you call somebody and see what's going on. If it's some type of connection that's coming through the picture something could be wrong."

Jenny set the picture down and looked at Xander, "I'm going." was all she said before she hurried out of the bathroom.

Xander's eyes locked on the picture, the frame now refilled with blood, and he was only vaguely aware of the sound of the front door closing.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 22

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



	26. When You Win 23

Title: When You Win (23/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: absolutxandman@yahoo.com 

Rating: R (for the next two parts) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that its kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive.… indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

Author's Note 2: Character death warning.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Joyce smiled reassuringly at Dawn as the teenager pulled the Jeep to a halt in the driveway of Buffy's house. She remembered that when Buffy was that age and they had first moved to Sunnydale, when she had let her drive, stopping always included more burnt rubber and tire screeching.

"See, I told you I could do it." Dawn said proudly as she took the key out of the ignition.

Joyce opened her door, "And that begs the question of why you know how to do it."

"Dawn stopped smiling under her mother's gaze, "I don't know," she said quickly, "I think it was a hunch." She tried to cover up the fact that she had been driving for about a year. Xander had been teaching her before…

Joyce smiled again and nodded as she opened the back door and pulled out two bags of groceries, "Get the front door Dawnie." She said, and Dawn ran to unlock it.

"Hey Buff, We're here!" Dawn yelled up the stairs after noticing no signs of life on the lower level. Getting no response she walked into the living room and flicked on the TV.

"Hi Honey." Joyce called in the same fashion while kicking the front door closed behind her. She glanced into the living room and saw Dawn reclined on the sofa watching 'Judge Judy', "Thanks for the help, Sweetie." She commented sarcastically before making her way into the kitchen.

"Sorry," the teenager called from the other room.

"That's okay. I know the judicial system is more important than helping you mother avoid getting a hernia." Joyce moved to the base of the stairs after not yet having received a greeting from her oldest daughter. She knew Buffy was home, because Buffy didn't go anywhere, really, and the car was still in the driveway. "Buffy, honey. We're about to start cooking. Do you want to come down and help?" she called.

"Yeah Buff. I'll even get the fire station on stand-by for you." Dawn added and her mother scowled from the doorway. "What?" she asked innocently, "She burned pudding."

"We don't need to bring that up…"

"I'm tired of walking around on egg shells with her. She's my sister, we used to joke around with each other." Dawn huffed.

"I know, Sweetie…" Joyce started sadly. She was beginning to get worried at the lack of response she was receiving, but she was trying desperately to hide it. "Why don't you stay here and watch your show. I'm going to go get your sister."

She slowly began to ascend the stairs, fighting off the nauseating feeling of dread that she felt washing over her body. "Buffy," she called again more quietly when she hit the top of the stairs. Joyce cautiously walked down the hall and stopped when she reached the doorway of the master bedroom.

She released the breath she was holding and felt herself smile momentarily at the scene before her. Her daughter sleeping on her side, her bare feet encircled by the light blue cuffs of the pajamas she had given her facing towards the door.

But her smile died when she took a step forward into the room and the whole bed came into view. The first thing Joyce noticed was the pool of crimson on the side of the bed. Her eyes traced up to the edge of the blanket as it hung off the side and focused shortly on the slow drip that was falling from it. Her line of vision traced up the line to the flat plain of the bed and took in the large pool of dark red that engulfed the whole mattress.

Joyce saw the pale hand that seemed to be the source of the blood flow and quickly traced it up the arm, to the pale exposed neck, and the deathly white face for her baby. Her Buffy.

Joyce flew forward tot he side of the bed, feeling numb from the scene before her. She instinctively reached out and rolled Buffy onto her back, gasping at the sight and the feel of the still wet dark red liquid. She pulled her little girl to her chest, "Buffy," she whispered shaking her lightly, ignoring the blood as it covered her clothes.

She whispered her name over and over as she stroked her face, feeling the now cold, clammy skin under her fingers. "Please no. Please." She begged to herself, letting her hand trail down her daughter's arm and grasping her wrist in hopes of locating a pulse.

She found none, but instead felt her fingers slide into an open gash on her arm. Joyce flipped Buffy's hand palm up and her eyes widened at what she saw, so she flipped her other hand to verify what she hoped was just a bad dream. 

But it wasn't.

She was staring at two four-inch cuts on her precious daughters' delicate wrists and for the first time she screamed.

Frantic, Joyce pushed herself off the bloody bed only to slip on the pool on the floor. She couldn't see straight from the tears, and she couldn't wipe her eyes because of the blood on her hands. She pushed herself off the floor and ran out of the door, barreling down the hall and to the steps.

She saw Dawn on the third step, "What's the matter Mom?" the teenager asked worriedly, taking in her mother's now bloody wardrobe and the frantic look in her eyes.

Joyce didn't answer, but instead grabbed the girls' forearm and dragged her down the stairs. "Outside." She demanded shakily forcing her youngest out of the front door and locking it behind her.

She couldn't form a complete thought as she stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed the cordless phone off the wall. She forced her shaking fingers to punch in 911 and let her body slide to the floor.

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Xander sat on the doorstep of the house while he waited for Jenny to return. He had watched the picture's blood flow until it subsided to just mere trickles, but he didn't know why that didn't relieve him at all. He was worried about Buffy before he left and now he was terrified, especially since Jenny told him that the blood was probably coming through from her.

"Xander?" A voice asked, gaining his attention.

He looked up at the newcomer. "Hi?" he offered unsure while examining the woman in front of him. She was almost Cordelia's height, but had piercing green eyes and light brown hair. She was dressed in a pair of loose fitting yellow pants and a white tank top, and looked to be about his age.

She smiled warmly at him, "I'm Miranda."

"Oh. Hi. You already know who I am so…"

"How are you doing?" she asked while moving to stand in front of him.

"Ah, I'm just peachy. I'm dead, what's not to like?"

"Jenny came by before she went back to the mortal realm. Said you were a Soulmate case…"

"She's a stickler for details, isn't she?"

"She also said that you were a smartass." Miranda grinned, "It's cool. I had a friend like you so I can quip with the best of them."

"Quality banter op. I miss those." Xander sighed.

"Did you do that a lot with Buffy?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, sometimes." He suddenly sounded far away.

Miranda noticed it and quickly changed the subject, Jenny had told her to help him move forward. "Want to go for a walk? I could show you around."

Xander raised his eyes to look at her, "Jenny told you about Buffy?"

The girl nodded.

"And she told you that I'm her Soulmate?"

Another nod.

"Then you must know that I don't want to leave here until I find out what's going on." Xander said, studying her so intently that he was almost looking through her.

She shifted nervously on her feet under his gaze, "Jenny also said that you might take a while to convince. She thought that while she was gone I could get you out of here. Show you what else this place has to offer, maybe you could see some other people."

Xander just sat still and looked at her.

"Wow. You are stubborn," she mumbled, "C'mon Xan, you know you want to."

Xander nodded shortly at her and smiled at the use of his nickname. Not even Jenny called him Xan.

"Why not." Xander sighed finally, standing up, "No sense in wasting my prime death years."

"Exactly," Miranda smiled, "You're going to love this." She said as they walked down the hill away from the house.

Xander faced straight ahead and watched the girl out of the corner of his eye, "Where we're going wouldn't perchance be filled with naked women, would it?" he asked nonchalantly as he was led to the edge of the cliff.

Miranda turned to look at him with raised eyebrows and a small smirk.

"It's just cuz I can't find that room in my heaven and I thought maybe you had more luck." He explained.

She grabbed his hand without answering and stepped confidently off the edge of the cliff, descending down an invisible ramp, and Xander watched the scenery melt and change from his beach to a large park, that seemed to be set up as a fair ground. The area was crowded with people of various ages who were bustling around happily.

"Why would I have more luck?" Miranda asked suddenly as she began leading him through the grounds and towards a small lake.

Xander, however, was too busy focusing on the people around him, "What is this place?"

"It's my heaven." She answered simply as a small rowboat sailed up and docked in front of them and she stepped inside.

"How come it's so…populous?" he asked following her, barely avoiding being run over by a group of screaming children, and he watched them until they disappeared into the crowd.

"I was focusing on more than two people when I created it." Miranda answered, and started rowing the boat out into the lake. "Not that there's anything wrong with your heaven. We all have different ideas of paradise."

Xander leaned back and let his hand fall into the cool water, "Thanks for showing me yours."

"No problem. You needed a change, even if it did lack nudity." She grinned and stopped rowing, "Soooo…"

"So." Xander repeated, studying her again.

"Talk to me." She said simply.

"About?"

"Anything."

"Anything?"

Yep…Whatever you want."

"Alright…One time me and…"

"Anything not about Buffy." Miranda piped up, "Just tell me a memory without her in it."

"That's not that easy." Xander looked at the floor of the boat.

She smiled softly, "C'mon, Xan. You can do it. You did exist independently from her."

"I know. It's just…"

"So tell me one. Tell me about your friends." She asked excitedly.

Xander looked her in the eye and felt himself grin as he thought of what he wanted to tell her.

**

"Do you have any twos?" Xander asked, shifting positions on the ground.

"Go fish." Tara responded, and Xander picked a card from the pile.

"Ummmm…Sevens?"

"Fish." Xander waited a minute for her to pick a card. He was bored out of his mind, and he never realized how much he hated Go Fish. "Twos?" he asked absently while letting his head drop back against the tombstone he was leaning on.

"You already asked that." Tara yawned and looked around the empty cemetery.

"Oh. Huh…Well, I'm out." Xander sighed, "How come all the vamps only come out when Buffy's around? I would kill to have a dead moment like this when we're on patrol together."

Tara packed up the cards while her friend ranted. 

"It's like the underworld knows when I'm about to get some and waits till then to open it's Big Box-O-Crap. But the minute I go Lonely Boy it's some sort of evil holiday."

"That's what you guys do on patrol?" Tara asked with a raised eyebrow and a repressed laugh when Xander blushed. "And here we were playing Go Fish when we should've been playing Truth or Dare." She teased.

"And another good question," Xander said loudly in hopes of changing the subject, "Why did Wills get to baby-sit Dawn?"

Buffy and her mother had gone to LA for an art exhibit, leaving the rest of the gang to carry out the Slayer responsibilities.

"C'mon Xan, truth or dare?" Tara asked mischievously.

"And Giles got to do all that fun reading…" he continued, "Speaking of which, have you read any…"

"Fine. I'll go first. I pick truth." She settled.

"Truth?" Xander asked, suddenly interested, and Tara nodded. "I can ask you anything?"

"Yep. Anything. I'm going open book."

"Ok…" Xander trailed off in thought, "Have you ever, um…fantasized…about me?" he asked slowly.

"About you?" Tara's brow furrowed.

"Yep." Xander asked with his patented joking leer and teased, "Now tell the truth."

Tara smiles briefly before her answer, "No."

"No?!" he repeated shocked.

"Not ever once." She assured.

"Not once? How could you not? What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's _wrong_ with you. You're just not my type of guy." Tara shrugged.

"I'm everyone's type." Xander defended, "I can't believe that you never snuck a peek at the Xan-Man goods."

Tara just smiled sympathetically and shook her head no.

"What about Buffy?" Xander asked, suddenly re-interested in the conversation.

"That's two questions." She pointed out.

Xander couldn't help the smirk that broke out over his face. "In many cultures the avoidance of a question is taken to mean yes."

"Well, that wasn't avoidance. That was me telling you that it's not your turn anymore."

Xander continued to look at her with a mixture a suspicion and intrigue, "If you answer now, I'll do a dare along with a truth."

"Two dares." Tara bargained.

Xander smiled widely and rubbed his hands together, "This is gonna be good. Answer."

"No." Tara repeated again simply.

"You have to. I'm doing two dares here…"he protested.

"The answer is no."

Xander sat back disappointedly, "No?"

"Yep."

"Not even once? What are we, some sort of repulsive freaks, or something?"

"Nope. To both."

"Humph. That's weird cuz I used to think about you and Wills all the time." Xander pondered.

"Funnily enough," Tara said, "None of my truths were going to center on that. So…I dare you toooo…."

"Die slowly." A new voice challenged from behind Xander and a hand gripped him by the shirt, easily pulling him over the stone.

"Heelp mee!" Xander choked out as a clawed hand wrapped around his throat and lifted his off the ground.

"Hold on, Xan." Tara begged, worry evident in her voice, as she searched to ground for her discarded stake. Finding it she jumped up and ran at the vampire, stabbing it in the back.

The demon howled in pain and released Xander, leaving him to crumble to the ground, gasping for air. The vampire tried to swing at Tara, but she back peddled quickly.

"Xander! I missed the heart!" she screamed.

"I noticed that too." He pushed himself off the ground and ran at the vamp. When he got within arms length he swung his fist, connecting solidly with the back of it's head and he winced at the pain that shot through his hand, but he was happy that it drew attention away from his friend.

Xander punched him again with his sore hand, this time in the face, when he turned around, "Owwwwww!!!"

Tara used this time to rip the stake from its body and re-aim before striking again, this time hitting its heart, and the vampire erupted into a cloud of dust.

"Okay," Xander breathed, cradling his right hand, "I think this is broken."…

**

Xander had maintained eye contact with Miranda through the whole story, and smiled when he was done.

"What made you pick that one?" she asked quietly, for the first time turning away from him.

"Same reason I asked about the naked women." He shrugged. Xander couldn't believe what was happening, and he remembered that night as if it were yesterday. Just like he remembered when she died trying to protect Willow and her funeral the year after. Xander's gaze bore through her and he squinted as her visage melted away before his eyes, "I had a lot of good memories with my friends, Tara."

"You knew?" her voice now sounding familiar as she looked like the girl he knew from Sunnydale.

"I dunno. I think it was my powers of perception. That and Miranda looked a lot like that girl that delivered Giles' mail that I caught you checking out."

"_I_ caught _you_ checking her out." Tara said confused, "Remember, Buffy was in the back and you had to sign for that package, and when I came out of the store room you were telling her about the mating habits of the North American black bear…"

"Fine, fine." Xander shook his head dismissivly, "Nobody said I was the King of flirting."

Tara grinned and nodded, "See. You can think about more than Buffy."

Xander just looked down sadly, the lighthearted moment dissipated into nothing, "I just don't want to."

__

~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~

Xander stood on the patio off the master bedroom and watched the sun set. If he had to choose on thing about this place that he loved the most, it would be what he was watching right now. It was exactly as he remembered it on his honeymoon.

"Xander." Jenny's voice called softly from behind him as he stood with his back to her. His head snapped around at the sound of her voice, and he turned to face her.

"What did you find out?" he asked excitedly, forgetting the greeting as he approached her. Her head was downcast and he couldn't see her eyes and the small smile he was wearing died. "Is it not of the good?"

"Xander," Jenny repeated, finally able to look up from the ground and meet his eyes, "maybe we should sit down."

Xander's brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side, "No thanks. I'm fine. Just tell me what's going on."

He watched Jenny take a deep breath and look at the floor again, "Buffy…"

"Buffy? What…"

"Buffy's dead." Jenny said quietly, unable to look at the man in front of her.

Xander wished the blood that was now pounding in his ears had started earlier and he hadn't heard her. He couldn't talk, his throat and mouth had dried out. He could feel himself start to shake, and was only saved falling down because his knees had locked as his muscled tensed while he tried to grasp the information he had just been told. He tired to force his mouth to work and he sputtered for the words, but Jenny spoke again so that he wouldn't have to.

"That's what was happening with the picture," she explained, unable to tell if he was even listening. Xander just stood staring ahead with glazed eyes, drawing shaky breaths. "She was bleeding and it came through over here." Jenny continued.

She watched his eyes refocus on her, "When do I get to see her?" Xander asked, his voice breaking.

Jenny looked down again, "You don't."

"If she's dead she comes to heaven. This is her place too…"

"She committed suicide." Jenny stated firmly, " Suicides don't come here. You're never going to see Buffy again."

"What?!" Xander yelled harshly, his mind refusing to accept that his once strong wife had ended her own life.

"Buffy killed herself," Jenny said again, trying to make him understand, "She's going to Hell…"

"No!" Xander yelled, "No! You did this. You made me leave her and come here." He seethed, stepping into Jenny's face, "You can fix this. Call somebody."

"There's nothing I can do." Jenny didn't shrink away from him, "Suicides go to Hell. It's written. I know it's horrible, but she needs to accept what she's done."

"And be tortured for it?!"

"Xander, I know it was unexpected. Nobody saw this coming. I guess with the whole Soulmate thing…I mean one's nothing with out the other, but nobody knew that was the case here…"

"So you knew this would happen?!" Xander accused again.

"No. No. Xander, I wish I could help, but there's nothing I can do. Buffy made her choice. Suicides…" she struggled to word her sentence properly, "suicides defy the natural order of things. She broke that laws of man and God."

"She was hurting. They have to understand. Somebody has to understand…" his voice took on a pleading tone.

"You have to understand, Xander. Suicides are self-absorbed. Buffy didn't care enough about anything…"

Jenny was cut off when Xander pushed her away roughly and walked past her, tears falling down his face, "NO!!!" he screamed, "Don't talk about her like that. Don't call her a suicide. Buffy is the most giving, caring…"

Jenny turned to face him again, "Buffy WAS, Xander. But that doesn't change what she did."

"How can they punish someone for hurting? For being in pain that they couldn't control?" Xander struggled to keep his voice steady, "How could they send her to Hell? She's a hero."

"She might have already been there, Xander." Jenny said truthfully, "The real hell is your life gone wrong."

Xander's head snapped up suddenly, the despair in his eyes replaced with fierce determination, "I'm going to bring her back."

Jenny matched his tone in her refusal, "You can't. There's no way. Xander, you're not understanding…"

"It's not about understanding. It's about not giving up," Xander interrupted. "You said that I was her Soulmate. That we could reach each other ever through death," he waited for Jenny's reluctant nod. "Well then, I'll find her. I'll bring her back. I won't give up on her."

"You can't! You'd have to go to Hell, you don't understand the risks…"

"I'm going to do this with or without you." Xander stated.

"You can't bring her back."

"You don't know what I can do. What I will do for Buffy. You don't know us." Xander stared at her directly.

Jenny regarded him for a moment. She knew that if she didn't help him he would probably drive himself crazy trying to find a way, and if he did, she would never see him again. She sighed in resignation, "We'll need a Tracker."

"A who?" Xander asked confused at the sudden change in pace of the conversation.

"A Tracker. A guide to show us the way. I don't know my way through he Nether World and I'm not letting you go alone." Jenny told him, as she walked past him to the door.

Xander smiled and followed her, "Lets go get us a Tracker then."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End Part 23

Ok guys, this is the last part of this story that I have written, and I need some inspiration so I'm going to need feedback here. I'm begging. PLEASE!!!


	27. When You WIn 24

Title: When You Win (24/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: absolutxandman@yahoo.com 

Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

================================================================

Jenny jogged to keep up with Xander's quick stride down the beach. She wondered why he was in such a hurry when he had no clue of his destination, but decided against asking him. Xander wasn't famous for his flaring temper, and only once before today had she ever been privy to it, but she was in no hurry to experience it again. "Wait up Xander." She halted and he turned to face her.

"Do we wait for him here?" Xander asked anxiously, his eyes darting around the brightly lit beach.

"No," Jenny shook her head, "We go to him. There." She pointed out to the water and Xander followed the action, his eyes finding only the horizon.

He turned back to her briefly, the determination in his eyes overpowering the skepticism, and nodded, "Alright." 

Xander was already knee deep in the surf before Jenny stopped him. "You can't swim to him, you'll be out there forever. Literally." She walked out to him as she explained, "The Tracker is beyond the horizon, where every paradise meets." As she finished a small row boat glided up form beyond her right shoulder, "This'll be much more time efficient than the swim."

Xander eyed the small boat while Jenny hoisted herself into it, undoubtedly using some sort of extra sensory powers to keep it from tipping over. When she was situated she reached out a hand to him. "Do you know what would save more time than rowing?" he asked refusing her hand and focusing on a point just beyond the boat.

Jenny shook her head, "If we have this conversation on the move?" she asked.

Xander nodded and waded past where she sat, "Exactly."

Jenny turned to look at where he had walked to and saw him standing next to two Sea-Doo wave runners. She watched him climb onto one and look at her expectantly, "C'mon."

Jenny stepped out of the boat hesitantly and walked over to the other water craft, slowly pulling herself onto it.

"You remember how to ride these?" Xander asked starting the ignition and Jenny's head snapped up.

"Uh, I…why would I…" she stuttered for the words while Xander turned to meet her gaze, seemingly oblivious.

"Just turn the key there." He said with out so much as a smile, never taking his eyes from the now nervous looking guide. Jenny instead focused on the task at hand, well aware that he was watching her, and did as she was instructed.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kinda in a hurry to get to Hell." Xander smiled, cutting through the tension, as he squeezed the accelerator and started moving through the water.

Jenny looked after him, her eyes narrowing a little at his back as a small smile broke out on her face, "That idiot'll still follow that chick anywhere." She muttered before starting off after Xander's retreating form.

~8~8~8~8~8~

Xander checked his speed again as he cut through the calm water. I read 85 mph and he squeezed the accelerator harder. He couldn't believe that Jenny thought that he had time to row to this Tracker guy, especially since they could create anything to get them there. He didn't have any sacrificial time when it came to saving Buffy; he never had been patient when she was in danger. Jenny should know that.

Xander glanced back over his shoulder and saw that she was rapidly approaching and he slowed his own speed to allow her to catch up. The scenery was changing around him; the water growing murky, and the once clear blue sky turning dark as it transformed into a solid structure, taking on a form of a huge room.

He stopped moving completely and just looked around as Jenny pulled up next to him. "We're almost there," she said briefly before starting again, this time with Xander behind her. They moved slower as they made their way through the room, and Xander noticed how the walls became lined with bookshelves. He also took notice of the older looking men dressed in robes, floating in the air looking through them.

He followed Jenny to the end of the room and they steered their crafts through a doorway and into a small hall. Xander squinted to try to keep Jenny in his sight, his desire to get to his wife, again, vastly overpowering the fear coiling in the pit of his stomach.

"We're here," Jenny stated simply as she pulled them out of the hallway and into another large room, not stopping until they were in the center of the octagonal space with more books than Xander imagined Giles had even seen.

"Follow me," she told him as she stood up on her wave runner and reached for Xander's hand, which he promptly gave to her. He swallow deeply as he felt himself being lifted up from where he sat and he looked at Jenny while they floated up.

Xander had not seen her this quiet since he had 'met' her and it was beginning to frighten him. He wanted her to crack a joke, or call him a name, or something…anything to put him at ease. Xander had never liked silence, especially in serious situations, and this was as serious as his life had gotten. He had noting to say. When he got Buffy back he would owe her five dollars. Whenever he was speechless he owed her five dollars. It was just a thing they did.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he and Jenny stopped moving and he turned to look at her. She was once again focused ahead and Xander turned his head to follow her gaze. They floated, still hand in hand, about 200 feet from the water below, now face to face with…an elderly man with a scraggly beard. 

Xander looked at the man in front of them who was apparently so engrossed in the book that he was reading that he didn't even notice them. Xander's eyes flicked back and forth between Jenny, who was waiting patiently to be acknowledged, and the old man, who was extremely rude.

He knew that the man knew that they were standing…floating in front of him, and while he usually wouldn't've taken offense to waiting, now was decidedly not the time. 

As politely as he could Xander cleared his throat once. The only response that he got was Jenny's elbow in his ribs. 

Xander winced in momentary pain, or what he thought would be pain, if he had actually felt it, and shot his companion a confused look before doing it again, only this time much louder. He achieved the desired effect when the elderly man glanced up from his novel over the top of his bifocals.

"Hi," Xander offered unsurely under his piercing gaze, "Good book?"

The man pursed his lips at him and Jenny shot him a stern look. "Quite," the man offered, in a tone that Xander had only previously associated with Giles.

"Xander," Jenny started, "This is the Tracker."

"Do you go by Tracker, or can I just call you T?" Xander tried to joke, knowing it was lame, and was happily ignored.

"I assume that you are here for a reason." The man said to Jenny.

"I'm Xander," he offered next, trying to refocus the Trackers attention away from the spiritual techno-pagan. 

"I know who you are," came the sharp reply. "This is your soulmate case," he spoke again to Jenny again.

"Yeah," Xander answered before Jenny could. "See, there's been some sort of misunderstanding and…"

"Your wife slit her wrists," the man said emotionlessly with raised eyebrows, "There's no misunderstanding that."

Xander visibly tensed trying to match the man's cold tone with his own. "I need you to help me get her back." He winced as the Tracker laughed out loud at him.

"People don't come back from Hell." He said with a slight smile that Xander set his shoulders at. "They were right about you," he continued.

"What?" Xander asked confused, not finding anything humorous about the situation.

"You're the guy who doesn't give up." He chuckled good naturedly, despite Xander's demeanor. 

"Not on Buffy, no." he answered seriously.

The Trackers smile died, "Too much persistence makes you stupid."

Xander smirked back, "You aren't the first person to call me stupid."

The Tracker's eyes focused on him, seeming to bore straight through him so Xander stilled himself and stared back. He didn't want the old man to see how scared he was becoming; he wanted him to know that he would get to Hell and get Buffy with or without his help. He would do it alone if he had to.

"You're wise to second guess yourself on this." The Tracker stated after a moment of silence, "I'll give you this chance to turn back. Once we start there will be no turning back."

"My being here in the first place should tell you that I won't do that." Xander swallowed. He waited a few more moments, while he was again dissected by the elderly guide. "So we'll be going now." He said trying to speed the process up.

"You do realize that you won't be able to bring Buffy back."

Xander's eyes flicked down momentarily and the Tracker continued.

"You'll be able to say goodbye. That'll have to be enough." 

Xander didn't even blink when he responded, "You just get me to her. I'll decide what's enough."

______________________________________________________________________________

End Part 24


	28. When You WIn 25

Title: When You Win (25/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com 

Rating: R (for the next two parts) 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

 The Tracker folded his book under his arm and regarded Xander with a  small nod. Before he could comprehend what was happening he and Jenny were descending back down to the water, noticing a small wooden sail boat glide up underneath them.

They landed seated and were immediately on the move. "I actually brought some wave runners…so we could get there faster." Xander pointed out, earning a glare from Jenny.

"Kids," the Tracker addressed her, somewhat good naturedly, "Always in a hurry…"

"You guys don't seem to understand what's happening here," Xander argued, interrupting the old man, only to have the tables flipped back on him.

"No _you don't understand," The Tracker adjusted the statement harshly and all humor was lost from his voice, despite the fact that he continued to steer the boat. "You have no idea what you're running into and once we get there you will wish to the Almighty that you took heed of me. This is not the childish foolishness of your boyhood dealings."_

Xander fixed him with a steady glare while Jenny sat silent, watching there surroundings darken with nervous apprehension. Xander looked over the edge of the boat and into the murky gray water. He wondered if it could even still be considered water, at all, as it looked more like sludge or some other kind of sewage soup.

"Tell me, Alexander," The Tracker's voice entered his realm of consciousness and Xander looked up at him. "Were you proud of your life?"

Xander's eyes flicked towards Jenny, who was still watching the water and not paying attention to the conversation. "What?" he asked skeptically.

"Your life." The old man reiterated while all three of the boats occupants noticed the water getting choppier. "Were you proud of it?"

"Yes." Xander answered without hesitation. Even though he considered it to have had a dicey start, he had had everything he wanted in his life before he was ripped out of it. He had a great job, friends, a perfect home, and the beginnings of a stable family…Buffy. He had Buffy.

"Good," the Tracker spoke again, "You're thinking about her now." He grinned, "You need to keep thinking about her if you want to find her here."

Xander nodded and was about to respond when he heard what could only be described as a wail come from outside the boat as it rocked violently form side to side. He grabbed onto the side of the vessel to steady himself as the wailing and moaning grew exponentially louder and more painful and it seemed that thousands, or millions, of others had joined in the chorus.

The Tracker was fighting to keep a steady course while Jenny faced straight ahead, trying to calm her breathing when they started hitting solid objects in the water. Xander made a move to comfort her, but suddenly felt his hand on the side of the boat be caught in a cold wet grip, a sharp tug telling him that it had every intention of trying to pull him overboard. He snatched his hand away hard with wide eyes and propelled himself across the bench to Jenny.

"What is this?!" he yelled over the howls of pain that were flooding the area.

"FOCUS!" the Tracker yelled, without responding to his question. "YOU MUST STAY FOCUSED!"

Xander tried to relax as he looked over the side of the boat again, unable to stop himself, and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Millions, he guessed, of…people…souls…thrashing in the water, looking deathly pale and clammy, and screaming; drowning in the murky depths and fighting to get to the savior of the tiny wooden vessel.

"They're going to swamp us!" Jenny yelled, obviously terrified, while maintaining a white knuckle grip on her seat.

Xander saw a hand grip the side next to her and effectively hoist itself up despite her scream of abject horror, and he leapt into action. The boat rocked with his movement, but he leant over her, bashing his fist into the things face until it let go and fell back to the water. Another one tried to climb back up, and was met with the same fate as its brethren.

The screaming was almost unbearable as Xander fought to keep his focus on Buffy. The boat rocked sharply to the right and all thoughts took flight. The Tracker's weight combined with Xander's almost capsized the boat, and before it could right itself at least three pairs of powder white, wet arms grabbed at Xander, holding him tight around the waist and arms.

He saw Jenny rush towards him as quickly as she could, but she knew that she wouldn't get there fact enough. He saw her unleash an unsteady punch to one of the beings face while the Tracker tried to right the boat with no avail. Xander gripped the side of the boat as he was pulled into oblivion, taking his guides with him.

He didn't know how long he was in the water, as the last thing he registered was the slick wetness seeping through his clothes. He wasn't even aware if he had even been swimming. All he knew was that he broke the surface, through the grasping sea of hands that were underneath the surface, and saw the shore. That was all that mattered to him at the moment, even replacing his quest for Buffy, if however briefly. He just wanted to get to the shore.

Gone were the tortured drowning souls, replace with the sounds of his own kicking and splashing as he gasped for breath, swimming as hard as he could until he felt the ground beneath his feet. Xander stood up and saw the Tracker beside him doing the same thing, both willing there legs to climb over the rough waves rocking the shore as they waded forward.

Xander watched the older man fall to his knees on the sand, attempting to regain his breath, and Xander turned his head to survey the area. He felt his heart stop. The scene before him reminded him if that God awful movie, that Buffy had watched completely with rapt fascination, "Deep Blue Sea", in that it was jagged metal building frames. The only difference, Xander saw, was all the fire and smoke, and the excessive moaning of the tortured naked souls littering the beach.

Xander laughed to himself. Everybody who had ever loved Buffy was willing to go to Hell for her, or had been sent to Hell by her. But Xander recognized the difference, he watched an explosion off in the distance followed by some more screams; he was one of the ones who would die for her, yes. But, just like Angel, he would walk out of here…and he would do it with her. 

He was drawn out of his thoughts by the sound of more splashing behind him and turned to see Jenny clambering towards the shore. He immediately ran back into the water and grabbed her by the forearm, pulling her back to her feet when she stumbled, and dragged her gasping to the beach.

The Tracked ignored Jenny's plight while she hunched in attempts to regain her breath and Xander stood next to her, rubbing her back.

"It's of the utmost importance that you focus on her here Alexander," he said while looking at his surroundings. "Hell is a very dangerous place and we are at its threshold."

"I always thought that it was in the old Sunnydale High library." Xander muttered more to Jenny than the older man, and earned himself a labored grin.

"If your thoughts wavier beyond the task once we're inside you put yourself at risk of insanity. You won't come back from that." The Tracker continued seriously, "I take it that you still find her worth it?"

Xander didn't even answer the question, he didn't have to. He just trudged up the sand towards, what he thought was the gate, carefully, but quickly, jumping out of the way of a charging mob of angry souls that ran by with crude steel weapons.

"I know what I want," he said confidently.

"Good," the Tracker smiled and walked up to stand beside him and Jenny slowly followed. "She's thinking about you too," he said, "You'll be a better receiver that way."

Jenny spoke up, but not before swallowing the lump in this throat. "Let's go get his Buffy back then. How do we get in? Through the gate?" She took off up the dark littered beach towards the first entrance she saw, but Xander hesitated, having focused on something to his left. The group that had passed him was engaging in a sort of battle with, what looked like a far less organized army, easily hacking into them with the steel tools.

"Alexander," the Tracker called to get his attention. 

Xander turned and narrowed his eyes. "She shouldn't be here," he said angrily and got no response.

"Hey guys!" Jenny called, "I found it!" She pointed over a dune and ran towards that direction. 

The Tracker followed her as quickly as he could and got over the dune just in time to see where she was headed. "NOOOOO!!! STOP!!!" he yelled over the blood curdling cries. 

Jenny slid to a stop just before a group of screaming men with pikes appeared in front of her, daring her to try to get through them. "This is the gate! It's the way in! We have to try!" she argued as Xander and the elderly guide approached her.

"She's right," Xander agreed, "We have to try." Xander was sizing up the men and Jenny nodded.

"We go in this way," the Tracker gestured with his head and started walking down the beach. "You two wait for my lead. You do not try to do this on your own." He gave the steady warning, "Never have I ever been exposed to such…"

"Are you picking up anything?" Xander cut him off as he stopped walking.

"No, actually, I'm not." The guide turned to look at him, studying him, but just as suddenly flicking his eyes to Jenny.

"Focus on Buffy, Xan." Jenny whispered from behind him, but Xander maintained his stare with the Tracker.

"You stay here," the old man said suddenly and harshly to Jenny.

She tried to step up in her defense, confused at his decision, but he continued. "You go no further than this. I am advising that you turn around. I won't take him in with you here."

"And if I don't take your advice?" Jenny asked defiantly.

"Then you rot here or you forfeit you friend's chance at his soul mate. You can pick," came the nonchalant response.

Xander jumped into the conversation, "You're not picking up anything because I'm thinking about someone else." He finished and turned to face his formed teacher. "You died nine years ago, you said." 

Jenny nodded. 

"I corrected you and said seven. Jenny Calendar died seven years ago."

This time he got a shoulder shrug as a response.

"How can you rush into Hell for someone you've only talked to twice?" Xander questioned as he studied her.

"Because you will," she answered as he watched her form change, just as he had done with Tara/Miranda before. Jenny misted over until she was the fifteen year old boy that had died when Xander had first met Buffy. The boy that was the first vampire he had ever killed. The boy that had been his best friend. She misted over until she was Jesse. "Because I'd do it for you," he continued in a new deeper tenor, "Because you love her…and I love you bro."

Xander just watched in wonder at the sight before him before he covered the distance between them in record time and pulled his long lost friend into a hug.

"You'd die for her, man." Jesse continued with a smirk, "You would've when we were fifteen…and then…You _did die for her."_

Xander shook his head, "I'd do it again."

"And I'd die for you. My Buffy connection is a vicarious deal, but I guess you rock-headedness rubbed off in me," he was still smiling.

Xander couldn't help but chuckle, but then let a sad air fall over him, "How'd you pick Ms. Calendar? You never met her."

Jesse shrugged his shoulders, "Thought you might listen to an authority figure more than your bud. I mean, I'm younger than you now and everything…Plus, you liked her, trusted her. She affected you…"

Xander stayed focused on Jesse's words, "I wish you got to grow up too, Dude," he said sadly. "You missed a lot of crazy times," he let out a strangled laugh.

"Hey," Jesse interrupted to lighten the mood, "Don't down death. I've been having a ball. And I've been checking up on you periodically…Thursday night roll playing- not bad my friend," he joked and Xander's face reddened through his nervously prideful grin.

"We must go," the Tracker announced, "Our chariot awaits," he gestured to an elevator- like platform that had lowered from the dark nothingness.

Xander nodded and turned back to Jesse. 

"Look man," Jesse said quickly, "I can't do this with you…Flutie always said we were had ADD, "he laughed, and Xander nodded remembering many joint detentions. "And you've got to concentrate. You bring her back…"

"You would have liked her," Xander said solemnly.

"Just find her X-man, I might still. I mean, she is still a hottie," he grinned.

"Yeah," Xander agreed, "My wife is." He added while backing towards the platform the Tracker was now standing on and carefully boarding next to him.

"I believe in you Xander. You'll her back!" he shouted as the platform began to lower, "You bring her back!"

That was the last thing Xander heard as he disappeared from the surface and into Hell.

End Part 25


	29. When You Win 26

Title: When You Win (26/?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com 

Rating: R

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

The elevator jutted to a halt and Xander's mouth fell open in frightened awe when he saw what was in front of him. The screaming continued to rip through the hollow dark space, but Xander was growing used to it. It wasn't the noise that caused his stomach to clench and his throat to dry. It was the sight of the masses of pale white faces of people who had died and been damned to this place.

That was it though. It was just the faces that were visible through the caked mud ground, all tilted towards the devoid black nothingness above them as they wailed in torment. He felt the bile rise in his throat that this was the place where Buffy was…the consummate hero who had given and sacrificed everything she had for the sake of the world being condemned to this place.

"We're here," The Tracker announced as he stepped off the platform, and to Xander's abject horror, onto the floor of faces. 

Xander heard the faces scream under the Tracker's weight, but he paid them no attention, he simply looked back at him expectantly.  The dark haired man took a deep breath and stepped gently off the platform as well, trying to position his steps so that they fell on the small areas of mud between each soul.

"Well…" The Tracker said looking around the area, waiting for his companion to do something.

"She's here," Xander said determinedly while taking careful steps forward, watching the ground so as not to pass by her. Xander stopped suddenly and looked around, tuning out all of the screams. He could feel her…she was so close his heart clenched and nearly stopped. She was so close.

"Keep focused Alexander." The Tracker called over the screams while he waited by where they had entered.

Xander nodded briefly before he picked a direction, the one he knew Buffy had to be in. He had given up trying to avoid stepping on the faces, there were just to may of them for him to care and get to Buffy as quickly as possible. He was almost running, ignoring the moans of discomfort … "OOOFFFF!!!!!!"

He hit the ground hard and all the air was pushed out of his lungs on impact, but he was quickly on his feet when he opened his eyes to find himself face to face with an elderly woman. "Sorry," he mumbled, wiping his hands on his short in disgust.

"It's no problem young man," came the surprisingly warm reply that made Xander wonder why this old lady was doomed to rot here. Her voice took on a lost and confused tone next, "I never get any visitors. Have you seen my grand…"

"You should be apologizing to me!" another angry voice called from behind him. Xander turned around with one swift movement and earned some more angry "HEYS!!!" from people he had stepped on to do so. "I'm the one you kicked in the face," the snotty voice spoke again, "I always knew you were an inconsiderate nothing Harris."

Xander's brow furrowed and he bent over the now recognizable and familiar face, "Snyder?"

"You know who I am," the old principal's face announced sharply and Xander couldn't help but laugh in it.

"I always knew you were going to Hell, ya little troll," he grinned, flicking him on the nose before standing up.

"And I always knew you were too lazy to earn salvation," came Snyder's retort, but Xander ignored him. "I always knew, and dreaded, that you would join me!" the face yelled as it was walked away from, "You're a failure Harris! A failure!"

Xander was about to turn back around and kick the old man again, but he had gotten no less than five steps from him before he forgot how to breath, not that it mattered all that much. He saw her…her face, tilted up in the mud still surrounded by, now dulled, blonde hair. 

"BUFFY!!!" he called and was able to see her eyes widen and catch the shiny tear tracks that cut through the dirt on her pale face. 

And he was running, "BUFFY!!!" he called again, closing in on where she was fast, disregarding the complaints of those he was trampling and preparing to drop to his knees and dig her out of the ground; longing to feel her in his arms again, where she belonged. 

He ran faster. Faster than he ever thought he could. 

He was so close he could almost touch her, closer than he had been to his love personified, his life, his Buffy in what felt like centuries…

And the ground cracked beneath him; opened into a cavernous hole that he had no choice but to fall into. He couldn't even grab the edge of the fissure that had opened apropos nothing, and he just fell and fell and fell. Xander could feel his body flailing as it flipped like a rag doll into the depths, surprisingly not hitting any of the jagged rocks that were jutting out from every direction.

He couldn't even find the will to scream, his lungs compressed and felt like they were in his throat. And then he hit the bottom. Xander hit the water below at breakneck speeds and couldn't help but be thankful that be could barely feel it.

**

Buffy waited until Xander left he couch before she walked from his bedroom and into the living room. She took a seat at one end of the couch and put her feet up, making sure that she took up a majority of the three cushions before she changed the channel. 

She flipped idly as she listened to him move around the small kitchen getting himself something to drink.

Xander stepped out of the kitchen after a moment and stopped dead in his tracks at the scene before him. He narrowed his eyes before he stalked to the couch and offered a sarcastic half smile at her feeble attempt to stretch across the length of the couch. You've got to be kidding me. he thought as he glanced back at the TV and saw that Buffy had settled on _The Deep End of the Ocean, a movie made from an Oprah's Book of the Week pick, of all ungodly things._

"I was watching that," he nodded back after the TV and refereeing to the basketball game that was in it's forth quarter.

"Well, I'm watching this," she shot back.

"It's the Knicks and the Lakers." He said, trying to remain calm, "Turn back."

"You left, I claimed the TV, and I'm watching this."

Xander shut his eyes tightly and sighed. He knew Buffy hated this movie, and that this was some sort of game because she was upset with him, but this was really taking it too far. All because some girl, who wasn't even that hot, gave him her number at the Bronze when Buffy had been in the bathroom. It's not like he had asked for it, or it had been found in his pants pocket; it was just sitting forgotten on the table when she had gotten back, and she'd blown up.

"Turn it back please," he said again while moving to take a seat on the remaining empty cushion, only to have Buffy slide further down across the couch. Xander snorted as he lifted up her feet and sat down. Not expecting that Buffy rolled her eyes and sat up more.

"This is ridiculous Buffy. Just change the channel."

Buffy looked him dead in the eyes, "No."

Xander set a matching glare as he heard the channel change after a moment… 'The Weather Channel'.

"Fine," he huffed out, "You wan to talk about this? You want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry Buffy. There. I don't know why I'm sorry, hell, I don't even think you know why I should be sorry, but there it is…I'm sorry. Now stop being a child and turn back to the game." Uh oh He knew he had crossed a  line with that child remark and by the look on her face he knew he was about to hear about it.

"I'm acting like a child?" she retorted, "Hello, Pot. It's kettle; yeah, you're black."

"Not quiet," Xander fired back, matching her condescending tone, "I want to talk about what happened, no wait… what didn't happen, because _nothing did."_

"You were picking up women while we were in a date. That's not nothing."

"It is nothing. I didn't ask her for the number. It's not like I had her bent over the table,,,"

"Maybe I wasn't gone long enough."

"How could that be possible? You spend half your life in the bathroom staring at yourself in the mirror."

"Well, one of us should be picture friendly in this relationship, and you never seem to complain about how I look. And God forbid I have to pee."

"Relationship?" Xander's voice rose to match hers and his eyes were open wide in mock surprise. "This isn't a relationship. If it were you would trust me enough to know that I wouldn't cheat on you, and I'd be watching the game instead of having this, the world's most asinine argument!" 

"So now I'm asinine?" Buffy asked steadily, daring him to answer wrong.

"Well, you're the one watching the Weather Channel, you tell me." He answered instead.

"And this is why you are going to miss the rest of the game." Buffy said as she refocused on the TV.

Xander knew he was about to put his foot in it, but his mouth was open before his brain had time to come up with an ample argument against it, "I wish you would just go home until you're ready to stop being a bitch and talk about what's the matter with you like a adult."

Before Xander knew what was happening his remote control was hurled across the room where it cracked the wall when it smashed and broke against it. "GO TO HELL XANDER!" Buffy yelled as she flew off the couch and into his bed room, slamming the door shut behind her.

"I'LL SEE YOU THERE! AFTER YOU PAY ME BACK MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!" he yelled after her as he got up and turned the channel back to the game…

**

Xander broke through the surface gasping for air. The place he was in now wasn't so much dark as it was gray, and the screaming was gone. "This place is big on water," he mumbled while swimming to the concrete shore to his right.

"You let your thoughts wavier," The Tracker scoffed at him while Xander pulled himself onto the cold platform next to him.

"Sorry," he said looking around and sitting up on the ground, "It was intense up there. Everything just came rushing back to me." Xander explained while taking a deep sad breath.

"What came rushing back?" The Tracker asked concerned while extending his hand to the young man and pulling him to his feet. "You must tell me now and not let it happen again."

Xander shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "I just…I wanted to hold her," he sounded defeated, "I remembered what it felt like to hold her…and then I thought about this time…" he laughed bitterly, "I thought about this time when we were fighting, and I guess I just lost it." Xander just stared into space for a moment, "I remember holding her on that last morning…when she told me she was…" he laughed again, an angry exhalation.

The Tracker just nodded simply, "Yes, I suppose that would be sufficient enough to make your thought wavier."

Xander kept his eyes downcast and squeezed shut, "What…uh…what happens…happened to…" he almost didn't want to finish the sentence, he hoped that his companion would understand.

"Your son." The Tracker said as if on cue.

Xander's head snapped up to eye the elderly man, "I was going to have a son?" Unable to keep his voice from cracking in awe, and he received a nod. "I shouldn't have let her of let her go into that cave," he mumbled to himself.

"Buffy had only been pregnant for two months," The Tracker continued  and Xander looked at him confused. "There was no soul , nothing to be redeemed, and no manifestation for you to be able to see physically, even here."

Xander watched the man explain himself, "So he's just gone? It's like it just never happened?" He definitely didn't understand this place- the powers that balanced good and evil, and why the evil always liked to challenge and beat him and his wife. For everything he had ever not understood through his whole life, the Heavenly forces were on top of the list. He felt his anger bubble when the Tracker nodded in response. "Really?!" he yelled now, "Because it seemed pretty real when she showed me the sonogram!"

"It was real Alexander. Physically it was a body. But that is all it was…it was too soon…"

"You guys just take everything here don't you?! You took my son…you took my wife, and sent her here!"

"You can see Buffy," The Tracker reminded.

"Does she know?" Xander ignored him, "Does she know that out child didn't count?!"

The Tracker let out a steady breath, "I believe she does. Tells herself everyday…"he trailed off when Xander turned and walked away briskly.

Xander hopped over a small wall and lost his balance, falling down a small incline into a puddle of water. He couldn't help but curse as he sat back in the water, not caring that he was sitting in it at all. "Fuck," he let his head fall into his hands.

He heard the Trackers voice beside him, "You're not helping yourself here Alexander," he said gently, taking a labored seat next to the broken young man. "You've gotten this far, don't lose yourself to this." Xander didn't move, so he continued, "Your child…he never got a start. There is nothing that can be done about that, but here…" he pointed ahead, "You are on the threshold of completing you mission. You can see Buffy. Your Buffy."

Xander finally looked up and followed to where the Tracker was pointing with his eyes. He couldn't believe it; it was his house. It looked dilapidated and dark and dirty, but it was still his and Buffy's home. Xander pushed himself to his feet and noticed the Tracker following suit.

"It is imperative that you listen to me Alexander," he reached out and grabbed the man's arm when he started walking dazedly towards the house.

Xander stopped and looked at the hand on his arm before looking up into his face, speaking quietly, "You sound just like Giles." He wore a small grin as the realization set in on the old man's face. "Before I go," he started, "Could you tell me why you picked this old man's body, and Jess picked a chicks'? That's a little ass backwards don't you think? That he picked you?"

"He died first." Came the simple response and Xander nodded. 

"Well…Jenny," he smirked slightly at calling the old man the teacher's name, "Thank you."

The Tracker smiled at his sincerity but retained his grip on his arm, "You're still in danger here Alexander," he continued, "Finding Buffy could mean loosing your soul…your sanity. If you let your worlds mesh, yours will cease to exist. Don't let that happen or there will be no getting back," he warned.

The young man regarded Jenny Calendar still in the form of the elderly man, but didn't question why she hadn't changed into her original form like the others he had recognized through their disguises. "You know you can call me Xander," was all he said before he started walking towards the house again.

The Tracker grinned a little, but then it faded as Xander got closer to the front door. "Be careful Xander," he whispered as he watched him disappear inside.

End Part 26


	30. When You Win 27

Title: When You Win (27/30?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

Xander's mind was numb as he stepped into the house- a cruel mocking imitation of his mortal home. Everything was still gray and cold, nothing like the warmth he had always associated with it in the past. He noticed the tarp covered furniture in the living room which was coated thick with dust.

He looked towards the stairs and saw the broken jagged banister, and when he took a step glass from the picture frames that had adorned the walls and tables crunched beneath his feet. He bent to pick up the broken frame, but was distracted by a swift movement in front of him. 

Xander looked up and held still, his eyes wide and focused on the woman who had just wandered aimlessly into the room.

Buffy.

He couldn't make his feet move to her and she made no acknowledgement of him. "I can't find anything here," she muttered while bending to gather some of the broken glass on the floor, "Can't find anything…" She sounded like a lost child and, as far as Xander could tell, was speaking more to herself than to him. 

Xander barely recognized her voice, he could barely recognize her. Buffy was still exceptionally thin, as she had been when he left her, but her figure was marginally tented with a long black dress that was tattered at the hem. Her hands were cut with smears of dried blood and were just a little bit dirtier than her face. Her pale, sunken face that held her wide set blue eyes and was framed by long matted blonde hair.

Xander bent to help her with her menial task, still not having said anything, but as soon as he knelt she shot off the floor.

"I don't know you," she said shakily  as she rushed across the room, "I don't know how you got in here. I want you to leave."

Xander stood up and clapped the dust off his hands. "I know you," he said trying not to be out off by her failure to recognize him.

"No you don't," Buffy whispered watching something invisible scurry up the wall briefly, "I don't even know me."

"You look just like this girl I knew," Xander  continued watching her. "Her name is Buffy."

Buffy ignored him and bent to pick something up off of the floor. Xander was about to speak again but she screamed and fell backwards to the floor, trying to push herself away from whatever she had seen. Xander was at her side in an instant looking for the threat.

"Sp…spid…der." Buffy choked out pointing to the floor.

Xander looked to where she was gesturing but saw nothing.

"SPIDER!!!" Buffy screamed again.

Xander looked confused, but instead just stomped his foot down on where she was pointing. "There," he said comfortingly, "There, all gone. Killed it." He smiled when Buffy calmed down and focused in the object in her hand. He knelt down in front of her and looked at the worn silver chain and cross necklace she had picked up. "I have one like that," he said, lifting an exact replica out from under his shirt. Buffy had brought it for him for his twenty-second birthday just before they had started going out. "Is that your husband's?" he asked quietly.

Buffy nodded briefly and stood up, still running her fingers over the Celtic cross in the necklace. "My wife brought me mine," Xander continued as she still refused to talk to him. "You know that girl I know. Buffy. She's my wife." He stood up and followed her, noticing that she had walked into a replica of the small guest room they had downstairs, and sat on the bed.

"She was beautiful; my wife. I loved her," he continued. "We lived in a house just like this. She decorated the whole thing."

Buffy refused to meet his eyes when he sat down in front of her. "I don't know who you are." Xander didn't move. "LEAVE!!!" she screamed in his face and he sat back suddenly in complete shock.

"I think that you are Buffy," Xander continued with a shaky breath and she shook her head. "You have the same beautiful hair…soulful eyes. Sort of bluish-green sometimes, and others a grayish-hazel," he bent to see her eyes, but she turned her head away. 

Xander decided to go for another method not wanting to have to leave with her still having no idea who he was. "Do you want to hear a story?"

Buffy shook her head, but he ignored her. "It's about me and my wife, Buffy," Xander reiterated, "It's about when I purposed to her."

"I don't care," Buffy whispered. "I want you to leave. You don't belong here."

"My wife said that to me plenty of times," he joked and Buffy finally looked at him in the eyes, but only for a moment. "She always said I made the worst jokes too," he smirked, his hope reborn. "But she loved me. I think she loved me almost more than I loved her. Almost. But she died," he finished sadly.

"My husband died…killed him," Buffy whispered, "Said he'd never leave me but then he died. Wasn't his fault. I let it happen. Could've stopped it," she rattled off. 

"He doesn't feel that way. Your husband would never blame you for anything. In fact, he's so sorry he left you. He wanted you to live," Xander assured quietly.

Buffy ignored him, "How did your wife die?" she asked shyly, "I killed my husband, but how did your wife die?"

Xander shut his eyes, remembering, wanting to take the guilt away from her, "She was sad," he said after a moment. "Very sad because I died…I left when I promised I wouldn't. She lost our son too, he died at the same time I did, and she didn't know how to deal."  He tried to make the story as simple as possible.

"Buffy killed herself, didn't she?" she asked quietly and directly.

All Xander could do was nod, hoping that he was reaching her. Hoping that he could bring his Buffy out of her. He tentivily reached his hand out to brush the hair out of her face, something Buffy had loved, "I used to brush her hair…" he whispered, but Buffy pulled away harshly, slamming back into the head board. He flinched at her reaction, "Please remember Buffy," he pleaded, "Please."

Her demeanor turned defensive again and she looked down at the bed, "You should leave. I don't know what you're talking about and I want you to leave. I'm sorry about your Buffy, but I'm not her. I'm not her."

Xander couldn't give up, "I went to Heaven, but I left to come find you. You deserve it too, but I won't go back without  you. I won't, and I know what I'll be leaving behind."

"Yeah, well," Buffy whispered, "Sometimes when you win, you lose. I'm not asking you to lose for me."

"Can't win without you," Xander laughed nervously. "Please Buffy. Just remember. Please."

Buffy looked away, but this time Xander was able to slowly grab her hands, touching her for the first time since he had died. She jumped at the contact and tried to pull away, but he didn't let her go. "Let me tell you the story," Xander pleaded when Buffy started shaking in his grasp. "Don't be afraid," he whispered in a nervously soothing voice, "I can show you." He watched her eyes close, "I can show you the past."

**

Alone.

Buffy figured it would always be that way. She would always be alone. She laughed bitterly at the fact that when she was younger she had thought that it was her destiny to be alone, but now…now it was more like a choice.

Angel had to leave her. She had unconsciously forced Riley out of her life. And yesterday she had, after a year and a half, told Xander to go. Buffy had rationalized in her head that she was holding him back. He was young and normal and the only thing that was keeping him in Sunnydale was her. The more serious they got, the more that thought was nagging at the back of her mind, and she decided that she couldn't live what was left of her pre-destined messed up life knowing that she was depriving him of his normally messed up one.

She was doing him a favor…she really was. He would understand that later; that she just wanted him to live. So yesterday, after almost a month of preparation she did it. She told Xander to get out of her life. It took everything she had to say that and stand still and watch his heart break.

Xander had told her that he would never leave her; that he wouldn't just let her end their relationship, and Buffy hadn't been able to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. She remembered the warmth of his palm that surrounded her face when he'd cupped her cheep, wiping her tears away.

Buffy pulled herself out of the memory and tried to refocus on the now, where she sat alone. It had taken hours before she was able to convince him to leave…or break his heart to the pint where he couldn't stand to look at her; she didn't know which, but that didn't matter.

He left, and she hadn't heard from him all day. Buffy dropped her head. Xander would get over her, she would never get over him. She sat and just let the sun warm her. She had nowhere to go today so she had wandered into the park and just decided to sit. It figured that the day after she ripped her heart out and ran it through a vice would be exceptionally bright; it was just her luck.

She watched a Tai-Chi class off in the distance for a bit before a Frisbee landed next to her on the bench. She idly picked it up and handed it to a young boy who ran up to retrieve it from her. "Thanks," he said quickly before turning and running away.

Buffy nodded in acknowledgment, but didn't pay much attention as he left. She turned her gaze back to the ground and caught sight of a flash of white near her feet. "Hey!" she called out to the boy, "You dropped…"she picked it up and scanned the area for him, "…this," she finished lamely as he was nowhere to be seen. Buffy sighed and placed the envelope on the bench next to her and sunk back into her state of reflection, her eyes closing briefly until she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"So I was thinking," he started, "since I got my walking papers to see the world, where do I want to go."

"Xander…" Buffy breathed, in a way she had previously only associated with saying Angel's name, but that had since changed. She was unable to turn to face him, so he walked around the bench and stood in front of her.

He started speaking again, "I mean, last time I tried the road trip thing I ended up dressed like Hercules and getting oiled up, which, by the way, was a lot more fun when we reenacted it." He smile, but continued without allowing time for a proper reaction. "But this time, I've got a new car, money in my pocket, a couple weeks worth of paid vacation under my belt…all I need is to figure out where I want to go."

"You could go anywhere," Buffy whispered and Xander knelt down in front of her, "I want you to go everywhere."

"I want to go everywhere too."

"I want you to go and make sure that there's nothing else out there you want, and if there is I want you to have it."

"That's very righteous of you," Xander said.

"It's the only thing I have that I can give you."

"Of all the things you've given me I want this the least."

"Xander…"

He smiled as he interrupted her, "You've given me your heart…your mind…your body…your soul…"

"Your freedom," she cut him off.

Xander exhaled a laughing breath, "Miami," he changed the subject. "Always wanted to see it. Plus it's a cross country drive just like I've always wanted."

"When you get back you'll have to tell me about it. Miami looks like so much fun on TV."

"Yeah." Xander agreed with a nod, "And, as an added bonus, cruises leave from there, like, everyday. Six days of Caribbean bliss as a reward for my week long drive."

"You're going on a cruise? That'll be fun." Buffy said with a forced smile.

"There's a lot of fun to be had."

"You'll be gone for a long time."

"Yeah." Xander nodded.

"I'll miss you," she whispered and Xander just nodded again.

"Is that it?" he asked.

"I don't know what else to say. I told you everything yesterday…I'm glad you can move on…"

"Well then," Xander said standing up, "I'll miss you too." This is it Harris. he said to himself and swallowed. "What's in the envelope?" he asked somberly.

"I don't know, some kid dropped it. Thought I'd wait and see if he came back," Buffy said, hoping that Xander would just leave. She didn't understand why he was prolonging this. Did he want to see her cry again? Was that what he was searching for, because he had about five seconds before his wish was going to come true.

"I don't see any kids," he commented after looking around. Buffy didn't reply and he continued, "Maybe there's some ID or something in it."

"Maybe," Buffy agreed, reaching for the item and hoping that by obliging him he would leave sooner. With him here she wouldn't be able to pretend that she was getting over him. She ripped open  the envelope and looked at the contents. It was a brochure and a ticket. She flipped open the booklet and saw her name written on the ticket inside and looked at Xander in surprise, seeing how he just grinned back.

"It's for April 24, about a week from today." Xander explained the nervousness in his voice present for the first time since he had walked into the park. "We can even spend some time in Miami, not to mention all the sights along the way."

Buffy continued to stare at the ticket while she listened to him, watching him as he knelt in front of her again.

"I don't want to see anything without you, and if you say no…well, that'll be depriving me my life," he knew it was cheesy before he said it, but that didn't change how he felt.

Buffy brought her hands up to the sides of his face and leaned in to kiss him lightly. Xander was almost knocked backwards by the expression on her face when she pulled away. She still had her eyes closed  and had a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I don't think I can leave for that long."

"Well Giles wasn't freaked about it and Angel said that he'd be nearby to help while you're gone…"

"You talked to Angel?"

Xander grinned and nodded, "It was important. I didn't want to run the risk of you saying no. Plus, you're all packed; if you don't go you'll he on your own with the unpacking."

"You packed my clothes?"

"A whole backpack full of 'em…You don't need shirts and pants and things right?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him and he laughed, "Seriously, Willow helped me. There's an army trunk full of your stuff in the car. We can go today…right now."

"But Mom and Dawn…"

"Already know."

"You've had a busy eighteen hours," Buffy grinned in his face.

"Yeah. The meeting was last night, but I've had the tickets for a while. I just used you telling me to leave as a way to bring up the vacationing topic."

Buffy looked down at the ticket in her hands again, trying to sort through everything in the forty seconds he was giving her. "Xander," she said as she raised her eyes to his, "This…this is…I…"

"Before you say no, which is the answer I see coming…"

"This is just too much. How much did this cost?"

"Does it matter?" Xander asked almost bitterly. Nothing could ever just be easy with her.

"Yes it matters," Buffy retorted.

"The tickets didn't cost nearly as much as this." Xander said quickly as he brought a black ring box from his pocket and held it in front of her face. He took in her shocked expression and flipped the lid of the box open.

Buffy gasped as she saw the white gold band with three diamonds inlayed on it, and was vaguely aware of Xander grasping her right hand. "I never want to have another day without you. I can't…not after having been with you, having loved you…knowing what it's like to have you love, of all people, me." Xander said his voice trembling and just above a whisper, his eyes were wide and focused on hers. "So last night…when you told me to leave, I…I thought I'd lost you."

"I had to give you that choice," Buffy whispered, sounding a lot like he did.

"And I choose to ignore it because I knew you didn't want me to leave and, well, I didn't want me to leave." Xander gave a lopsided grin through his nervousness. "I've known you for seven years and, sorry to say, you put me through hell a lot of them. And sometimes you made me so angry  I wanted to be able to walk away…to forget you. But I never could…I could never leave, no matter what happened, and I could never forget you, no matter what I try. And…I don't want to try. So…" he trailed off and took a breath, "…I had this whole thing planned out, ya know? Can't really remember the speech though."

"You're doing fine." Buffy told him and Xander nodded and continued. 

"I don't know why, but I brought this," he nodded towards the ring, "after our first month together. I saw it and I knew that it belonged on your finger and that I was going to put it there. I knew you were it for me Buffy, and I think you fell the same way…I hope you do, anyway."

"Yeah," Buffy nodded, "I'm it for me too."

"Are you joking because you're considering this, or because you're creating a cushion for the infamous 'Xander's an ass' speech."

"You haven't given me anything to consider yet." Buffy told him quietly with a slight smirk. Her bad day seemed to have melted away and now it was just the two of them in the bright surroundings of  the park.

"Right. Knew I forgot something," Xander took another deep breath and his heart beat out of control in his chest. It sounded so loud to him he wondered if she could hear it too. "Buffy," he started, looking her in the eyes and speaking clearly, "I've loved you for so long, and now that you love me back, I never want to lose that. Will you marry me?"

Xander watched Buffy's chin tremble and her eyes fill with tears that didn't fall. "You don't have to do this," she said in spite of herself. She couldn't help but think that she had somehow pressured him into this, just like being with her pressured him to stay in town.

"Yes I do. This is what people do when they're in love," he laughed, "Seen it a thousand times on TV."

Buffy didn't say anything and Xander slowly lowered his hand with the ring box in it, while looking at her with wide eyes, "This isn't how I planned this," he snorted. "I knew I should've memorized the speech."

"Yes." Buffy said in a voice so low that he'd hardly heard it, but it was enough to draw him out of his inner scowling. Xander looked at her with wide eyes again and Buffy stared back with the same expression in place, "Yes." She said simply but this time stronger and with more conviction than before, her face breaking out in a huge smile.

"Really?!" Xander asked excitedly and she nodded. He pulled her into a crushing hug that lifted her off the bench. As his hold loosened she slid down so that they were kneeling face to face on the grass. "The ring." Xander whispered in a trembling voice as he removed it from the box and reached for her left hand. Xander shakily slid the ring onto her finger, noticing her hand was shaking as well.

"I love you," Buffy said quietly while looking down at their joined hands before looking up and crushing her lips to his. She whispered it again when they broke away, but were still holding each other.

"I know," Xander said back, "I grow on people like that. Like an adorable fungus," he smiled.

Buffy playfully pushed him back and stood up, "We need to get going if we're going to drive all the way to Miami."

"Right behind you," Xander said, but didn't get up. "Ah…Buff? Could you give me a hand? I've been kneeling for, like, twenty minutes."

Buffy smiled and grabbed his hand, easily pulling him to his feet despite Xander's grimace, "Let's go Gramps."

"Just be glad it only took twenty minutes. Any more of your indecisiveness and I'd be in a Jiffy Power Chair," he laughed as they walked towards where he had parked his car.

"Hey, I was weighing my options. Who knows how many hot guys I'm going to have to turn down on this cruise because of you," she smiled.

"Don't push me, woman," he taunted. "You might get left in Salt Lake if you're not nice."…

**

Buffy's eyes were still closed and Xander was sitting close enough to kiss her. God knows how he wanted to kiss her. He felt himself lean in further, close enough that he could feel her breathing out of her nose…then her eyes snapped open, full of fear and confusion.

"NO!!!! NOOOO!!!!" Buffy cried out loudly as she jumped off the bed, dropping the chain, and running to the other side of the room.

Xander stayed seated and watched her crumple into the fetal position on the floor, listening to her cry. He could feel his own tears stinging his eyes. This was it, he didn't have a lot of time left and he knew it. Xander took a deep breath and willed himself not to cry.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, not even sure if she was listening. "I'm sorry I'll never be able to make you smile again." He looked directly at her while she continued to cry obliviously. "I'm sorry I'll never hug you again. I'm sorry I'll never kiss. I'm sorry I'll never be able to sing you crappy punk covers in the Magic Box when you're trying to work, and that I'll never be able to here you laugh when you watch me use the broad swords when you train. I'm sorry that I'll never be able to bring you food on the couch when we watch TV. I'm sorry I'll never hold you again," his voice shook and he fought to make it come out of his throat at all. "I'm sorry I failed you."

Buffy had stopped crying and had settled into rocking herself on the floor, so Xander continued. "Thank you," he smiled at her through the tears that he couldn't avoid anymore. "Thank you for being my hero. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for loving me, for being my best friend. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't and for letting me love you. Thank you for being someone I always wanted in my life."

Xander took another deep breath and stood up, casting one last look at Buffy, still laying on the dusty floor, arms wrapped tight around herself and rocking, before dropping his head and leaving the room. "I love you," he whispered from the door way as the last of his strength was sapped from him. Xander clenched his jaw and stepped outside the house closing the door behind him.

End Part 27


	31. When You Win 28

Title: When You Win (28/30?) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xander made his way slowly to the Tracker who stood when he saw him approaching. "I was getting worried about you," he smiled sadly when he saw Xander's defeated posture, "Are you alright?"

Xander nodded numbly.

"This is what had to be done Xander. You can't be upset about that…"

"You were right," Xander cut him off.

The Tracker nodded, "You couldn't possibly have…"

"But not in the way you think." Xander added finally meeting the old man's eyes. The Tracker studied him in a confused air. "Thank you for bringing me here. For getting me to Buffy." Xander told him while taking a step backwards the house. "You should go home now," he said turning around and walking back to the front door.

"XANDER!!!" The Tracker yelled, "You can't go back. You won't be able to differentiate the worlds."

"I know," Xander grinned with a sad sigh, "I started to feel it when I was in there." He nodded towards the house.

"Don't be stupid!"

Xander smiled more confidently while opening the front door again, "Tell Jesse I'm sorry. Tell him…make up something cool and tell him I said it."

"XANDER!"

"Sometimes when you win you lose." Xander said simply as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He walked purposefully back into the guest room and saw that Buffy had moved back to the bed. She looked up briefly when he reentered, but didn't speak.

"You know," Xander said, reclaiming the seat in front of her, "Most people can't forgive themselves, but I can forgive you." He looked up into Buffy's eyes his hands resting on his knees.

"Forgive me for what?!" Buffy yelled. "For killing my husband? For killing my child?!"

"No." Xander replied steadily. "For being so wonderful that I would give up Heaven for you. You're worth choosing Hell over," he whispered, feeling his mind slip. "I don't want my Heaven…without you." Xander could feel his body start rocking back and forth as his reality started to fade; all the color melting from the scenery and being reclaimed by dull shades. He leant to his side, laying his head on, the now silent, Buffy's lap.

She didn't protest, but instead brought her hand up slowly, running her fingers gently through his hair. It was a little longer than she remembered…

**

"I'm…trying…to have…a…con…ver…sation…here!" Buffy said in between kicks and punches to the Catapus demon's head and body.

Xander watched from his seated position at the base of a tree as Buffy hoisted the demon up by the neck and threw him about 100 yards where it hit the ground with a loud crack. He didn't even turn his head as she walked by him to where the demon lay and he handed her the battle axe, which she took with a smile without breaking her war path.

Xander leaned his head back against the tree as he heard the axe slicing through the air and connecting with something creating a sickening wet lop followed by  a brief howl of pain. He rolled his head to the side as Buffy dropped the axe at his side and then plopped down beside him, turning so that her back was resting against the tree too.

"Sorry about that," she said sincerely.

"Not a problem," Xander said without a hint of mirth, "Giles will be happy that the Catapult demon was so easy to kill."

"Catapus," Buffy corrected. "And it really was," she finished excitedly, still feeling the post slay rush she always got, but her mood soon changed to match that of her companions. "So," Buffy started again with the topic that they had been interrupted from, "A break huh?"

"A break." Xander answered mono-syllabically. 

Buffy nodded to herself and thought about what to say next to get Xander to open up, but he spoke before she could.

"I've been pseudo-dumped. I can't even get myself dumped for real." He sighed with his eyes closed.

"A break doesn't mean dumped, Xan. A break means…space…time…"

"That's funny because single people have a lot of space and time to wallow in their loserdom and misery. I know, I've done it."

"I don't wallow," Buffy mumbled dejectedly at her friend's outlook on being single.

"Geez, Buff. I'm sorry," Xander said, suddenly apologetic, "I forgot."

"Yeah, well…that happens in time." Buffy sighed.

"And I'm sure Dr. Ben helped with that. Nothing tosses a life preserver in the depths of misery that is life like being joined at the hip with a hot doctor, eh Buff?" Xander asked quietly, trying to lighten his mood and failing.

"There were no joining hips involved, Mr. Sunshine. It was only a couple dates." Buffy defended.

"And a couple of dates lead to future dates, which tend to lead to joining."

Buffy opened her mouth to speak but Xander cut her off, "It's okay, Buff. I want you to be happy. You look happy now."

"I'm not." Buffy told him, "You're having a major down time and I can't be happy when my best friend isn't."

"Well don't let me spoil your night," Xander said harshly as he pushed himself up off the ground. "Excuse me for being depressed that the only woman who as ever loved me back wants to dump me like a wet sack of crap."

Buffy watched in shock as Xander made a hasty retreat out of the park, "That's not what I meant!" she called after him as she got up and grabbed her axe before following him. Buffy made the short jog until she was at his side, "You know that's not what I meant." She said as she slowed to walk beside him. "It's just…of all the times you took on my pain, I can take on some of yours."

Xander continued to walk in silence and Buffy let him. "You want to know what I think?" she asked after a moment, not being used to quiet and Xander being such good friends. He didn't answer so she continued. "I think you should do what you told me the night that Riley left…" she swallowed as the memory of that evening flooded her. Xander turned to glance at her when she paused, but she was soon speaking again, "If you think she's the one. That Anya is the only one. That you're ready for everything that comes with being completely and totally in love with her for the rest of your life…then fight for it." She finished quietly, "Don't just give up and don't accept this break…"

"Don't you think I've tried that?" Xander asked bitterly. "Don't you think that every night I've called, sent flowers,  sent letters, knocked on her door…I love her."

"Then your walking with the wrong girl." Buffy spoke carefully, almost in a hurt tone, but Xander continued. 

"I told her that the night I told you to run to Riley…I told her that I loved her. I never wanted to lose someone like you lost him. I told myself that I wouldn't be afraid to tell her that, and I wasn't."

Buffy was starring at the ground, watching her feet kick at pebbles, as the neared his apartment.

"And now where am I? What did my fearlessness get me? I've only told two women that I loved them and both left me…well, one left the whole male gender…"

Willow Buffy thought.

"…and the other just left me. And the funny thing…the funny thing it I don't even know why." Xander finished softly, his shoulders slumped as he dragged his feet up the steps of his building and through the door.

"I've only ever told Angel," Buffy said reflectively as she followed him.

"Did you ever felt it though?"

Buffy looked up at his question.

"Did you ever feel it…with Riley…and just not say it?"

Buffy smiled bitterly and laughed a little, "I don't remember. I don't remember what anything felt like."

"Then you didn't." Xander told her quickly as they stepped onto the elevator. "If you feel it…the soul consuming, heart wrenching, butterflies in your stomach, willing to die and be resurrected and die again for just one look…you always remember that. You can't escape it when it gets you and it'll never let you go."

"Is that what you felt of Anya?" Buffy asked timidly. She had no idea why, but she had never heard Xander speak of such an intense love. 

"That's what I feel…" Xander trailed off, leaving the thought unfinished. "Why id it that love always leaves here?" he asked out of the blue. "I mean, we're good people…"

"One day it won't." Buffy said as they now stood at his door and he unlocked it, allowing her to enter. "One day," Buffy said taking a seat on Xander's couch, "You'll meet the one girl who won't run. Who'll see you for the fantastic, phenomenal, funny, handsome man you are and she'll be so hooked on you she won't be able to leave. She'll never want to."

Xander let out a breath and slowly, tentatively, leaned his head on Buffy's shoulder, "You believe that?"

"You believe that I'll find me guy, I believe you'll find your girl."

"I thought I did. I thought I found my forever girl…It's late." Xander said sitting up. "You don't want to hear this."

Buffy grabbed a pillow from the couch and placed it on her lap. Her next move was to pull a reluctantly surprised Xander down so that his head rested on it as he lay on his side with her arm draped over his chest. "If you want to tell it, I want to hear it," she told him firmly, leaving no room for question. He had been her best friend for years- it was high time she returned the favor.

Xander took a deep breath at her gesture and tone and let the momentary flash of warmth that he received from her wash over him before he spoke. "I loved her…"

**

She remembered.

"Xan," Buffy called suddenly, surprising even herself, but he just kept rocking. "Xander," she tried again bringing her hand up to cradle his face while her other one dropped to his side. "Xander…Come on, Sweetie…Alex…I remember…I remember," she whispered excitedly.

"I…I'm…co…cold," Xander replied, oblivious to her epiphany, his voice shaking. "So cold…"

"Alex," Buffy's voice became frantic and worry coursed through her, "Alex, please. Stay with me." She rocked him while he shook in the cradle of her arms. "Don't give into it," she spoke quietly into his ear while his, now, glazed eyes focused steadily on the opposite wall. "Don't give into it Xan. You don't belong here…Stay with me Xander....Xander…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End Part 28


	32. When You Win: The End

Title: When You Win (29 & 30/30) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show. 

Summary: It might have a plot, read and find out. I do know that it's kinda based on "What Dreams May Come", because that's what I was watching when I got the idea.

Spoilers: None that I can think of, it's an AU story so everyone should be safe. 

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Author's Notes: For the purpose of the story Dawn is 16, and Buffy is 24 almost 25, and Joyce is still alive. … indicate thoughts, "~~" are for phone convos, "**" indicates FLASHBACK. Happy reading all!

Special Thanks for all the feedback: Melissa, Bob R., Lori Bush, Shawn "Ozmandayus", Billhaden, txclark, Chorlton, greywizard1235, Dale Theil, denaumo, aaalex55, Xandman, Calen, Queen Boadicea, Jane McCartney, Loz, Joshua, Maggie, Micheal Wilson, Nikapi, Rob Clark, Mallory, Malaskor, White Werewolf, hyr, Gee, Wicked Raygun, Deacon, SCMortOn87, and Reed. If I forgot you I'm sorry, but just know that I got and appreciated your feedback on this storyJ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**

"A duck." Xander answered leisurely. He was lying sprawled out on his back on a blanket in the middle of West Langsford Park. His arms were folded under his head as the warm breeze blew across him, his cuffed sleeves allowing his to feel it. "What do you think?"

"A dog chasing a truck," came the thoughtful reply and he turned to look at her with raised eyebrows.

"Buff, how come I see a duck and you see a Monet?" he questioned, looking at her as she lay next to him, much in the same fashion he was.

She bit her lip as if in thought, "I guess I'm just more perceptive."

"Or insane," he countered quickly in mock seriousness and Buffy made a face at him. "So insane it is folks," he smiled. It widened when he felt Buffy scoot closer to him without sitting up until her head rested in the crook of his neck while resting on his shoulder.

"What about that one?" Buffy asked pointing to the sky and a new batch of clouds.

Xander's brow creased before he answered, "I think it's a baby alligator…sitting next to a lamp."

Buffy considered it for a moment, "I think it's a giant chicken jousting."

Xander looked at her again, which was much easier than before because she was lying so much closer. "I just think that you like disagreeing with me."

"Maybe a little of that too," Buffy admitted with a shrug.

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and they, literally, had nothing to do. Xander didn't have work, and either did Buffy so they decided to steal some time away for themselves. They drove out of Sunnydale to the neighboring town of Langsford and settled down in a park they had found.

Xander lowered one arm from under his head and wrapped it around Buffy's waist gently rubbing her side through her light sun dress. They just found themselves watching the clouds, basking in the lighthearted comfort that their year long relationship had created.

"I think that one's a guitar," he pointed around her and Buffy followed his line of vision.

"I think that it's you in the morning," she grinned, placing a light kiss on the side of his chest through his shirt.

"How does that," he pointed again, "look like me at any point during the day? That is so obviously a guitar."

Buffy smirked at him and placed another kiss on the side of his neck.

"Please tell me you see it." Xander pleaded.

"I do," she assured, "but I just think that it reminds me of you in the morning… well part of you…" she traced the cloud figure in front of his face with her finger.

Xander held her tighter and almost felt a blush creep up his neck. "You're a bad bad girl," he whispered. "Thank you," he added, "but still very naughty."

Buffy sat up quickly and straddled his thighs efficiently blocking his view of the clouds. "You know what we're doing tonight," she sing-songed while leaning down and bracing herself on her hands next to Xander's head.

"I don't wanna," he shook his head defiantly.

"But I do," she pouted, "And you want me to be happy don't you?"

"Not that much, no." Xander denied, knowing that it was a lie. If she were to ask him to rip off his right foot he'd do it just to make her smile…not that him being horribly disfigured would make her happy, but still. "I don't want to go to a high school reunion," Xander reiterated, their five year one was tonight.

"It's our first one Xan," Buffy whined. It was difficult, but exciting to both of them to be in a relationship where both people slipped into bratty child mode to get what they wanted;  although Buffy's victory level was higher in that particular game. It was annoying too.

"We've been out of high school for like three weeks…"

"Five years Xan."

"That's like three weeks in the grand scheme of things…"

"So then one year is like what, 2.5 seconds?" Buffy questioned, looking down into his eyes.

"Well, yeah," he agreed hesitantly, but grabbed her hips and held her in place when he felt her getting ready to move off of him. "But the most meaningful, invigorating, important 2.5 seconds of my life; and I've only been alive for, like, twelve weeks, so…"

Buffy giggled and relaxed back against him. "But I want to show you off to everybody," she whispered in his ear, now resting on her elbows.

"Nobody cared about us when we had to see them everyday, so I doubt that they care now. Plus everybody important hangs out at the Magic Box and they all already know how great I am," he finished with a cocky smile.

"I want more people to know. I want to tell everybody that I've ever met that I AM IN LOVE WITH ALEXANDER HARRIS!!!" Buffy finished shouting for the whole park to hear her and then looking back down to him wearing an impish grin.

He smiled back and then leaned up and captured her lips in an intense kiss; his hand coming up behind her head and pulling her down to his while he dominated her mouth, taking of her what was unquestionably his.

"I want to dance with you," Buffy whispered around his lips before giving one last short lick into his mouth before pulling away and waiting for his reaction.

"We went to the Bronze last night," he whined, "We danced already."

"I want to dance with you tonight," Buffy repeated, rocking her hips against his.

Xander bit his lip to stifle his groan, "If you don't cut that out we're gonna 'dance' right now."

"Pleeeaaassseeee Xander," Buffy begged giving him the doe eyes that always got her what she wanted from him.

"Can't we do something else? Anything else, you name it." 

"We're 22 and everybody we know is going to be at the reunion. If we want to do anything tonight, it's going to be happening in the Sunnydale High gym."

Xander looked skeptical as he pondered her statement. "We could have sex in the gym…" Buffy swatted his arm and he smiled at her again. "Fine," he gave in with his eyes closed and he could hear Buffy's bright grin. "We'll go and I'll dance with you…but…" he trialed off and opened his eyes to look at her again, prompting her next question.

"But?" she asked accordingly, leaning into his hand when he brushed her loose hair behind her ear.

Xander smiled, "But if we walk by a broom closet and I get an inkling for some quality Buffy time I don't want any complaints."

Buffy broke out in a laugh and rested her head in his shoulder…

**

Xander's eyes snapped open and he sat up bolt straight on the bed gasping for air. His whole body was tingling with warmth and light was pouring into the room from the large open doors of the balcony and the gauzy curtains of the three open windows.

He was back in Heaven.

Confusion washed over him as he looked around the master bedroom, where he had just been laying on top of the still made bed, and sighed.

He was back in his Heaven and he was alone.

Xander got out of the bed slowly and walked out on the balcony. He surveyed the beach below, finding that it was exactly how he left it. He didn't know if he had dreamt that he had found Buffy or if he really had found her and just failed to get her back. Either way it left him with an empty hole because both situations saw him getting back everything he wanted and loosing it. Either way he wanted to just crawl back into bed and cry.

"Hey," a familiar voice sounded behind him as he felt two arms wrap around his waist from behind. "Remember me?"

He felt a light kiss placed on his shoulder and he shut his eyes, not wanting his mind to be playing tricks on him. Xander turned around slowly, still held in the embrace and opened his eyes. "Buffy," he whispered in awe, bringing his hand up to her face, touching her all over and running  his fingers through her hair. She was so bright now; not at all haunted in dark shadows…she was glowing, like he loved her to be. "You're really here." 

He was almost blinded by the brightness and genuineness of her smile as she nodded. Xander's hand slid around her head and his lips descended on hers. His kiss was born of the anguish of loosing her, longing, and the desperation, and the pure elation of finally being able to touch her again. His Buffy. Finally his Buffy. The Buffy that was bright and full of life, the one who he longed to make smile and laugh. The strong women who he had vowed to protect with everything that he was; and spend the rest of his life with. The one who made him believe in love at first sight. 

"I missed you so much," he whispered when he pulled away, still keeping their foreheads pressed together.

Buffy smiled and raised her hand, softly caressing his cheek and he leant into her touch, "You found me. You brought me back." He couldn't help the tears that fell at the sound of her voice and Buffy wiped them away with the pads of her fingers. "Sometimes when you lose, you win," she smiled and tilted her head up to kiss him again. "I love you," she spoke when they pulled away again.

Xander smiled and shook his head as he felt himself physically quivering with happiness, "This is impossible."

Buffy shook her head and tapped his chin with her index finger, "Impossible is just the stuff you haven't seen before." When she finished her eyes were focused over his shoulder to the beautiful beach scene just over the balcony.

Xander turned his head to follow her gaze without letting her go, "I almost thought nothing would work."

Buffy glanced up at him, "Until you tried joining me."

Xander smiled at her and bent down, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead, "I want to show you everything here," he spoke of their paradise.

"I already know," Buffy whispered, "We got here by believing in the same place."

"Isn't this sweet," A new teasing voice sounded from inside the bedroom and the couple turned around, both smiling.

"Jesse," Xander greeted and slapped his friend's awaiting hand.

"X-man," he said back warmly, "Back from Hell so soon?"

"It was a little drab for my tastes; too much gray," he joked.

"I hear ya man," Jesse agreed, "But you still were gonna ditch me here." Xander shrugged his shoulder and glanced down at Buffy out of the corner of his eye. "I'm never leaving this place again," Jesse spoke again, gesturing to the world Xander had created.

"But you will remember never to just appear in our bedroom," Xander added with a leer towards Buffy, who elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"Oh," Xander remembered suddenly, "Jesse, this is Buffy," he smiled.

Jesse bowed and grabbed Buffy's hand, making a show of kissing it gallantly, "I do believe we've met, but it was a pleasure bringing you back from Hell. You're still very much the hottie." He finished with a grin.

Xander smirked at him, "And my wife; which is also a name she likes to go by."

Jesse dropped her hand and backed away with his arms up.

"Thank you Jesse," Buffy laughed in Xander's arms, being held securely with her back to his chest. 

"I won't be doing it again," he added still grinning, but then allowed his face to become more serious. "I'm sorry…about your baby, I'm sorry…"

Xander swallowed deeply and his smile died when he felt Buffy tense in his arm, drawing a deep breath. "Thank you." She said quietly, trying to fight off the wave of memories that threatened to flood her, "But I'll…we'll get through it." She assured glancing up at her husband who responded by kissing her cheek lightly.

Jesse nodded accepting her answer and Buffy continued, "I just want to stay here with Xander." She turned in his arms to face him. "I want us to grow old together," she kissed against his lips unable to do it enough to reacquaint herself with it.

"Not gonna happen here," Jesse pointed out as he moved to lean next to them on the railing, "The whole growing old deal isn't what this place does." He gestured to himself and his preserved fifteen year old form. "But if you want to do the whole 'old' thing, I do have an offer for you."

He earned their joint stares of intrigue. "You can go back," he said still looking out at the horizon.

"Like reincarnation?" Xander questioned, tightening his hold on Buffy.  "Would you want to go back?" he asked her.

"As someone else?" Buffy sounded unsure, "I don't know if I want to be someone else. I like us."

"I like us too," Xander assured, "But we were meant for each other, we'll find each other again. We could fall in love again."

"It took me so long to find you," Buffy whispered. It had really taken years for her to get in a place in her life where she was ready to see Xander in that light, to be able to be ready to be in a relationship with him. "I don't want to lose you." 

"You won't," Xander replied, "Never. We're soulmates, Buff." She rested her head on his shoulder. "We'll be able to start over," he added.

"What if you can't find me?" she asked quietly into his shirt. 

"Buff," Xander bent to catch her eyes, "I found you in Hell, don't you think I could find you in LA?" 

Buffy laughed against, "You want this?"

Xander shrugged, "Do you?"

"I want anything as long as it's with you," she replied sincerely.

"Then we'll go back," he settled and then glanced briefly towards Jesse who was watching the water crash onto the rocks below. 

"I'll watch this place for ya," Jesse commented over his shoulder, "Make sure no hot chicks take it over."

Buffy rolled her eyes at the young man before speaking to Xander. "Yeah," she nodded, "We go back. We fall in love. We get our happily ever after; then…back here."

Xander beamed and nodded, "Back here."

"And you better find me," Buffy threatened poking him in the chest, her seriousness being masked by her light tone and smile.

"Scouts honor," Xander pledged, "How could I not find my Buffy?"

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#

_August 28, 2038___

_Sunnydale __California___

Rachel Colgan raced down Fisher Street cursing herself for being late. She turned the corner of Revello Drive and sprinted down it until she came to a complete halt in front of 1580. She tried to regain her breath as she walked calmly up the three stairs and knocked on the oak door before taking a seat on the porch swing.

She squinted her eyes against the bright California morning sun and surveyed the street, her eyes finally finding and resting on a house across the street from that of her best friend's. 1630. She had always been fascinated by that house. It had this familiar safe feeling that seemed to surround it…it always seemed to draw her to it.

She didn't ever admit it to anyone, but after the first time she had been inside it, when she had carried in the woman's who owned it's, groceries for her, she had started having these…dreams. Whole entire daydreams revolving around that house. They were so vivid she could smell the scents, feel the plush carpet runner as she walked slowly down the hall to the first room on the right. She could distinctly see how the room was decorated, in much the same fashion that she had decorated her room. She could imagine touching , actually feeling the weight and texture of, the various items that were laid out on the dresser: pictures; some framed some not, jewelry, clothes, and for some odd reason, if she let her mental processes lead her through the guided tour long enough, a trunk hidden in the closet full of medieval weapons and wooden pikes. There were those pikes everywhere in that room. Rachel saw the low roof outside the window of that room and she figured that, if necessary that would provide a quick and seamless escape outside…an escape that her 'dream tours' always ended in.

She watched as the woman who owned the house walked out of the front door and waved at her. She had known her since she was a little girl, Dawn Summers-Marks. 

Rachel's parents would, in the past, call on Mrs. Marks to baby-sit for them, and she always had. As Rachel had grown up Mrs. Marks insisted that there was something about her that she just couldn't put her finger on…but it was something…familiar. Rachel remembered one time when she had been out in the yard doing various gymnastic stunts with her friends the older woman had almost broken down in tears, but was able to get inside before anybody actually saw. She thought it was weird at the time, but still wandered inside her always open front door to make sure that she was alright; only when she found Mrs. Marks, crying with her head buried in her hands, and she had looked up into her eyes and gasped. That was the first time she said something was different about Rachel…something good. Ever since then, Rachel could consider the fifty-something year old woman her best friend; she had never expected that she would click so well with someone so old, but conversation with the woman just always flowed.

Mrs. Marks lived in that house with her husband and her mother, and she had a grown daughter that Rachel hardly knew who lived in Oregon, and she worked in downtown Sunnydale at a small art gallery she owned. She had told Rachel that she could never bring herself to leave Sunnydale, it was just her home. She loved everything about that small family in that warm house almost to the point that it was a home away from home; even though she had never ventured into the room she always thought of. It had been staple since she was small that the door to it was always shut, even though the light exiting from underneath it revealed that the curtain was always open. That was just something Rachel knew not to ask about, mostly because, despite all that they talked about, the secrets of that room were always tactfully avoided. That and the absence of the one, older than Mrs. Marks looking woman in some of the old family pictures in the living room. The most she knew about her was that she was Dawn Marks' sister, and she didn't ever want to talk about her.

Mrs. Marks smiled brightly and waved back before getting into her car. Rachel smiled and watched her drive away, Her name always had matched her personality she mused.

"You're late," a male voice said, interrupting her thoughts. She looked up into the familiar blue eyes of her best friend Christopher, or Topher, as he preferred to be called.

"No I'm not. I've been here forever, you're late."

"I checked at 7:45 when you said that you'd be here. And guess what; there was no you." He tossed her a grin, "And now it's 8 and here you are, looking disheveled, might I add," he said running his hand through her long light brown hair.

"Good morning to you too, Topher," she quipped snidely and ducked away from his reach before fixing her own hair as she walked back down the steps.

Topher jumped down after her, "Its okay Rach, I'm sure there will still be plenty of guys who'll be willing to jump you at school."

"In that case, we had better run," she said sarcastically while adjusting the skirt she was wearing; feeling slight discomfort at his comment.

"To school or to the sex crazed guys?"

"There's no lesser of two evils there," Rachel said after a moment of contemplation.

"I don't know," Topher said as the school came into view. "I mean, we're sophomores. No more bottom of the barrel for us. Never again will we be herded out of the locker room after gym and forced to run through the halls in our under…" he trailed off when he noticed his friend's confused look.

"I think we had different freshman experiences," she said as she refocused ahead.

"Maybe so, but that won't happen this year, we've been promoted to the hitters, not the hittees," he said excitedly.

"So for the first time ever you, Topher Moore, have a 'yay school' attitude?" Rachel asked skeptically.

"I have a 'yay I'm not going to get the crap beat out of me' attitude." Topher said as he bound up the stairs, "I'll see you there."

Rachel smiled at him as he entered the building shouting something about owing the school.

"How long do you think before one of the upper classmen locks him in the janitor's closet?" Rachel heard her other best friends, Jocelyn's, voice. "I'm going to say by 9:10. How 'bout you?"

"Five bucks says 8:30."

"You're on," Rachel said as they sat down on the lawn next to the stairs.

"You're not happy about being back?" Jocelyn asked after a few moments of watching the hoards of students file in and out of the school with the excitement of the first day buzzing.

"The first day of school is always depressing in Rach-World. If you were a normal American teen it would be the same for you." Rachel said as she watched a black Ford Explorer pull up.

"I don't know. Summer days filled with absolutely nothing to do go boring. I'm kinda glad to be back…"

Rachel had stopped paying attention to her friends pro-first day ramble as the person in the car stepped out and onto the sidewalk in front of the school. She watched him as he scanned the area, glancing briefly at the passing students.

He was tall, about six feet, she guessed, and had blondish-brown hair. He was dressed like most of the other boys that went to the school, in baggy khaki cargo pants and a black button down shirt…but there was something else. Something more…

"Rach is digging the new kid," was the next thing she heard Jocelyn say. "I gotta say he's pretty much a scorcher. You should…"

"I'll see you inside Joce," Rachel interrupted while standing up. She wiped the grass off the back of her skirt before she bound up the stairs and inside after the boy.

"Cool. I'll see you in homeroom," Jocelyn call after her as she disappeared into school; doubting that she had even heard her.

Rachel scanned the hall for the new student while she caught her breath.

"My God, Rach. Did you just _run into school? It must be an apocalypse." Topher joked as he came up behind her._

_Apocalypse Rachel's mind clenched; a phenomenon that had been happening a lot when certain words were mentioned, like bronze, or for some reason, Scooby. "What?!" she asked spinning to face him in surprise, causing him to take a step back slightly from her tone._

"Whoa there, Rach," Topher held up his hands in surrender, "That was your pal Toph making a funny. You know…Hahaha," he accentuated by poking her in the ribs.

The sound of the bell ringing caused a new rush of students flow through the doors past them and Rachel looked at each one of them, hoping to see the boy from outside. Her brow furrowed slightly when she didn't see him.

"I got Henderson for homeroom, who do you have?" Topher's question shook her out of her thoughts.

"Um…I think Lewis." Rachel told him distractedly.

"Awww. Too bad. I'm gonna miss you," he said, his voice holding a hint sincerity that he continued talking to hide it, "Who do you have Joce?" he asked, thankful for the distraction even thought Rachel seemed to be ignoring him now, as she joined them in the now empting hallway.

"I'm with you," she said with a bright smile. "See you in class Rach," she told her friend as she and Topher headed towards their homeroom.

"Is she okay?" Rachel heard Topher ask, assuming correctly that he was just as confused as she was as to why she was still standing in the hall.

"She's fine," Jocelyn answered dismissively, "There's just this new kid she's after. He's completely a hottie, you have to see him." She informed the boy.

"Oh, I'm sure I'm okay to miss out on that." Was the last thing Rachel heard Topher say before she started walking down the hall again, not quiet ready to give up her search.

There was something about the newcomer that she couldn't put her finger on, but there was something telling her that she had to find him.

Rachel walked purposefully around the corner, heading towards the office and ran directly into a solid body, dropping her bag in the collision.

"Oh my God," the voice said as she bent to gather her things, "I'm so sorry. You came out of nowhere."

"It's okay," Rachel mumbled as she concentrated on the task of repacking her purse; but soon found herself being assisted as the person handed her over cell phone. 

She didn't even bother to look up as she snatched it out of his hand and crammed it back into her bag before reaching to catch the lipstick that was rolling away. When she returned to her things, she saw the person was still there, head bowed, trying to scoop up her pencils.

Rachel stopped in her downward stood when she saw the top of his head; full of sandy blonde hair and he suddenly looked up to face her. She heard his breath catch in his throat, but assumed it could have very well been her own, as she gazed fully into the clear brown eyes of the person in front of her.

"Spencer," the boy said nervously with wide eyes as the continued to stare at each other.

"Rachel actually," she tried to laugh but, oblivious to both of them, it came out strangled.

"Spencer is me," he stumbled. "You, of course, are not Spencer, because I am…"

She simply nodded and smiled at him; a grin out of nervousness born of the unparalleled warmth she felt when she looked at this new boy.

"Here," he spoke again, shaking his head slightly as he thrust the pencils towards her. Rachel took them with a shaky hand and then gasped again when the skin of her thumb brushed against the palm of his hand. She withdrew quickly and jammed the writing utensils into her bag as Spencer started collecting her spilled papers. "I'm such an ass…I wasn't even looking," he spoke towards the floor. "Let me have you…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End


End file.
